Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I am gutted :-(

Linda Smith has died. She was truly one of the funniest people ever. When she was on News Quiz you just knew it would be a great show. I listen and laugh again and again to her singing Psycho Killer to the tune of Save my Love on Clue. She had streaks of comedy genius and I am so, so desperately sad that she has died.

She apparently had ovarian cancer which was diagnosed 3.5 years ago. It was never 'announced', though friends knew about it. Jeremy Hardy was on PM earlier, talking about Linda and he sounded devastated. Friends and online people I have told about Linda's death are all stunned, as am I.

She had an amazing talent for being funny, one which could truly actually cheer me up from dreadful states. She was clever, witty, quick, intelligent, friendly and just amazing.

Rest in Peace, Linda.

Radio comedian Linda Smith dies.
Comic Linda Smith, a regular panellist on BBC Radio 4's The News Quiz, has died of cancer at the age of 48.

The writer and broadcaster was a staple of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and BBC Radio, whose listeners voted her "Wittiest Person" in 2002.

She made frequent appearances on Just A Minute and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, as well as the TV shows Have I Got News For You, Room 101 and Mock the Week.

Radio 4 controller Mark Damazer said her passing was "a terrible loss".


"Linda was a Radio 4 giant," he added. "She generated an energy and warmth in every programme she ever did that made her fellow comedians and millions of listeners love her."

News Quiz regular Jeremy Hardy paid an emotional tribute, calling her "the wittiest and brightest person working on TV or radio panel games".

Linda Smith with Ian Hislop
Her many TV credits include Have I Got News For You
"It was impossible to be in her company for more than a few minutes without laughing," he continued.

"Even when she was very ill, she had her friends laughing and feeling uplifted despite our sadness.

"I am so lucky to have had such a wonderful friend."

Ms Smith, who is survived by her partner Warren Lakin, had been ill for some time and died on Monday.

A special tribute edition of the News Quiz will be broadcast on Friday at 1830 GMT, presented by her fellow panellist Andy Hamilton.



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Saturday, February 25, 2006

Self-Harm and Medical Treatment

The National Institute for Clinical Excellence (NICE), in 2004 issued some guidelines on
The short-term physical and psychological management and secondary prevention of self-harm in primary and secondary care

These include instructions such as,
People who have self-harmed should be treated with the
same care, respect and privacy as any patient. In addition,
healthcare professionals should take full account of the
likely distress associated with self-harm.
[...]

If a person who has self-harmed has to wait for treatment,
he or she should be offered an environment that is safe,
supportive and minimises any distress. For many patients,
this may be a separate, quiet room with supervision and
regular contact with a named member of staff to ensure
safety.
[...]

Always treat people with care and respect.
[...]

Take full account of the likely distress associated with
self-harm.

Offer the choice of male or female staff for assessment and
treatment. If it is not possible to give people a choice, explain
why and write it in their notes.

Always ask the service user to explain in their own words why
they have self-harmed. Remember, when people
self-harm often, the reason for each act may be different on
each occasion; don’t assume it’s done for the same reasons.

Involve the service user in clinical decision-making and provide
information about treatment options.
[...]

Always offer necessary physical treatments even if the person
doesn’t want psychosocial or psychiatric assessment.

Always use proper anaesthesia and/or analgesia if treatment
for self-injury is painful.

Offer sedation if treatment may evoke distressing memories
of previous sexual abuse, such as when repairing harm to the
genital area.
[...]
• Don’t delay treatment because it is self-inflicted.

There is an awful lot of info in the report, but some of the pertinent points I have listed above.

I have heard endless stories of people in A&E being refused stitches to a self-injury cut, on the basis that 'You've got so many scars already, one more won't make a difference', or 'There's no point - you'll only do it again'. Similarly with people who have been refused anaesthetic before being stitched or having other painful treatments.

These situations appall me. People who have caused their own injuries deserve just as good (physical and psychological) care as those whose injuries were accidental or caused by others. People do not self-harm for no reason - it almost always occurs within a context of intense distress and desperation, and can frequently prevent the person from further harm (for example, suicide attempts) by releasing some of the pressure before it boils over.

People who need treatment for self-harm injuries are likely to be feeling dreadful, full of their own inner guilt for needing treatment, and very possibly feeling quite vulnerable. They do not need doctors or nurses or ambulance staff to reinforce their own feelings of self-hatred or to imply that they are wasting people's time.

I cannot talk for everyone who self-harms, and I also do not want to downplay the incredible sensitive and appropriate treatment offered by many medical staff. There are people who self-harm who won't relate at all to what I say, and there are doctors, nurses and ambulance staff who do brilliant work. There's no doubt about that.

However some people are treated appallingly, and this only leads to the person who has self-harmed to feel even worse about themselves, and further self-harm feels more appealing because they have had all their worst fears and feelings confirmed.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, there are cases of blatantly bad treatment (being refused stitches when they are needed, not using local anaesthetic where it normally would be used, derogatory comments by staff etc.), and these are easy to criticise. But there are also many, many occasions when someone who has self-harmed gets bad-mediocre treatment, but it is hard to know what the motivation behind the not-really-caring is.

I needed treatment the last couple of weeks for a burn. I went to a GP, who asked the Practice Nurse to dress it. The nurse's treatment was, well, lukewarm to say the least. She dressed the burn very badly - using inadequate dressings and suggested no follow-up at all. I needed to go back 2 days later because of the state of the dressing and the injury and although she dressed the injury better than the first time, it was still very careless, unnecessarily painful and there was no plan for follow-up again.

I came out of both of these encounters very upset, especially the second one. I was spinning between 'I deserve better treatment than this' and 'Why on earth should I expect decent treatment? It's my own stupid fault anyway'. On top of that, I really didn't know whether the nurse didn't treat me well because my injury was self-inflicted, or whether she was actually just quite incompetent and not very interested in general.

I still don't know the answer to that, but the following week I saw a different nurse at the practice, who dealt with my injury competently, and was actually nice to me. It made a huge difference to how I felt when I left the surgery. I didn't feel full of self-hatred, full of self-loathing, full of self-directed anger.

I have that age-old double standard. I believe, without a doubt, that people who have self-harmed deserve and require treatment which is as good as people who have injuries which were accidental or caused by someone else. However, when it's *me*, I of course don't deserve a single nice word or a dressing which actually deals adequately with the wound. I am stupid and a waste of time, though noone else is!

I really don't know if I got sub-standard treatment because the nurse wasn't up to speed on burn dressings, or on 'bedside' manner, or whether it was because she didn't want to deal with a self-inflicted injury, or didn't think it deserved time and treatment, or indeed deal with someone who could self-injure.

All I know is that I came out of the appointment with the second nurse feeling much more positive and capable and listened to. I'm no expert on dressings, but even I knew that the first two were inadequate. I came out of those appointments feeling disgusting and loathsome.

I do believe that in terms of avoiding future self-harm, feeling positive and capable and listened to is certainly a better place to start!


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Hyacinths


This year I have grown hyacinths from bulbs. This is one of them. You can smell them all round the house and they are beautiful and amazing!

Am mainly quite stunned that I was capable of aiding the creation and blooming of such magical flowers.

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Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Ultimate Body Fascism?

I dreamt that myself and two other women - one of whom looked like Fiz off Coronation Street, the other who kind of resembled Katie Holmes - were setting up The Ultimate Diet website.

The gist was that the three of us followed a general low-fat diet, and then that readers of the site all sent in their diet tips. Each of us would follow one tip faithfully for a week, and then we could assess the tip by the weight loss / gain at the end of the week. Through doing this over a long period of time, we would develop the unfailing, indisputable Ultimate Diet.

I dread to think what exactly in the depths of my brain surfaced to concoct that particular sequence, but though it was a perfect idea in the dream, I have been worrying about the millions of possible stumbling blocks ever since waking. Not least people sending in tips like, Eat horse tails daily or stand on your head for two hours a day or even do Atkins!. *SHuDDeR*.

I don't know why I'm worrying about the consequences of being part of this site, given that, well, I'm not! It doesn't exist, and neither do the two other women I dreamt up. But it is disturbing me in that way that only a fucked-up dream can.

So instead, I say Women, enjoy your body, enjoy your weight, enjoy your food. Move, eat, taste, love. Fuck diets.



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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Illustration Friday: Simple.


Illustration Friday.

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Missing Dad...

My Dad should have turned 60 today. The pain of that knowledge is almost unbearable.

We should have been celebrating, I should have made him a card, I should have chosen a present, I should be calling this evening to wish him a Happy Birthday, he should be finally allowed to retire.

It feels dreadful, I've already had several uncontrollable crying fits and my whole body and mind ache for my loss of him, and his loss of life.


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Sunday, February 12, 2006

Vicious Videos, Stop the War.

Video footage has been released, showing British troops battering four young Iraqi men. It is really awful, as is the glee in the voice of the man who filmed the attacks.

Tony Blair has said,
"we take seriously any allegations of mistreatment, and those will be investigated very fully indeed."

He also said that the "overwhelming majority" of British troops stationed in Iraq behave properly, doing "a great job for our country and the wider world."

But what does that mean? When we train people to kill and maim other people, to aim bombs and guns at the Other (colour, race, religion, sex...), how can we ever be surprised when things like this happen?

Why is it ok for these soldiers to point a gun and shoot on one occasion, and not ok for them to to kick on another? Why is it ok for them to drop a bomb on a house, and not ok for them to film it and laugh?

The government needs to see that when you have an army following their orders and attacking a country, you can't then have any kind of moral superiority when events like this happen.

What these soldiers did on this video was appalling, absolutely reprehensible. But what right has Tony Blair to criticise them when he's sanctioned and ordered that they commit mass, mass murder in the same country, against the same people?

Riverbend gives a harrowing report of a raid she experienced in Baghdad a few days ago, in her relatives' house. It is terrifying, and an example of the government-approved army actions.

When you train men to kill, they may well kill. When you train them to be vicious, they may well be vicious. You can't draw some kind of imaginary line in the sand, separating the OK killings and the NOT-OK killings, or the OK acts of vicious violence and the NOT-OK acts of vicious violence.

Stop the war now!

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Saturday, February 11, 2006

Lately, I am mostly:


    Crying about:
  • Missing my Dad

  • The state of the world

  • Being in pain





    Getting pissed off at:
  • Violence every-bloody-where

  • Men running the world

  • Depression ruining things as usual

  • My new doctor being an idiot


    Bored of:
  • Being depressed

  • Weekends

  • Weekdays



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Sunday, February 05, 2006

Chilli Challenge...

Yesterday I planted 6 strawberry seedlings. This afternoon I have planted chilli, coriander, and various herb seeds, to germinate.

I am very excited - and also scared in case they all die. I have kept a houseplant alive for well over a year now (a personal record!) and not only is it still alive, it is about 10 times its original size (no exaggeration!) so I thought it was time to attempt to brave some foody plants.

If, in 6 or so months, I can eat one of my own home-grown strawberries, it will make me immensely happy! If I kill all the plants I will have lessons to learn.

I already know that I need to earn the lesson of 'balance' - like, do things gradually. Six seedlings and many types of seeds in one weekend could probably have been better done over a period of weeks. But no, the all-or-nothing parts of me are still fairly prevalent, though I'm better than I used to be.



You must see Top Ten Reasons Americans like their Cars so Big chez alas. You really, really must.


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Saturday, February 04, 2006

Book Fairy, Artist Trading Card.


100_0949
Originally uploaded by incurable_hippie.
An ATC, made for the Book Fairy who sent me four amazing books yesterday.
(More of my ATCs here).

A night of insomnia meant I completed it, and learned to quill, too. It also means I feel rough, can't go to the Incapacity Benefit protest, and am in a vague daze of blurriness. Ah well.

Unfortunately for her, Z has been having similar lack-of-sleep issues. There must be something in the water.

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

Word Beads: Variety; Doze; Technical; Polar; Fossil.

The fossil-hunters arrived with their array of detector machines, identification manuals and technical information. The news of the recent find had clearly spread quickly amongst this strange community.

The scurrying calmed and soon these men worked individually, systematically, examining the variety of rocks, stones, shells, driftwood in the area.

Some talked quietly of a recent polar expedition, while one had brought a dog which, clearly used to this dull inactivity with its owner, dozed calmly in the dawning sun.


Word Beads.

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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Demise of Radio 4 UK Theme. Disaster or Damn Good Idea?

As a chronic insomniac I know the routine well. At 1am, after Sailing By, the Shipping Forecast and the national anthem, BBC Radio 4 closes for the night and changes into BBC World Service for four and a half hours. Then at 5.30am, Radio Four re-opens, with the UK Theme - a medley of folk songs from the four regions of Britain - and goes on to start the day.

While I have slight nostalgic attachments, occasionally, to the aforementioned UK theme, it usually fills me with horror. It either serves to just rub in the fact that it's 5.30am and I'm still not asleep, or it means that any early morning waking (typical in depression, apparently) is particularly bad.

Either way, if I hear the UK Theme it means I've not slept, or I've slept really, really badly.

And to add insult to injury, the piccolo solo within the theme is really out of tune which, as someone who used to be a reasonably good flautist, is irritating and annoying.

So when, earlier this week, I woke before the theme, heard it, heard Farming Today, and was listening to the Today programme, and the screen on my digital radio told me that at 8.20am the controller of Radio 4 was going to be interviewed about his decision to scrap the UK Theme, I was quite excited.

Revenge on the evil waker-upper and symbol of appalling sleep! Ha! (Surely if the theme is abolished, so will insomnia be...?)

So, sure enough I was still awake at 8.20am. Beginning the discussion with an interview with the widow of Fritz Spiegl, the composer of the theme, was certainly an emotive start, but the interview which followed explained that the theme was 33 years old, somewhat dated, and because it lasts over 5 minutes, they thought that that time could be much better spent with news, and a look forward to what was happening that day.

I do admit a certain sad nostalgia by this point, at the prospect of the 5.30 herald being spoken word rather than duuuh duh duh duh duh daa, but overall my joy at the very living symbol of sleep deprivation being abolished overrode any vague sadness.

So, imagine my surprise when a friend sent me a link to savetheradio4theme.co.uk. They have a petition, apparently signed by over 6000 people. The theme's demise was even brought up in Parliament yesterday!

Now, I am an avid Radio 4 listener. Anyone who knows radio 4 knows that this is a kind of identity thing in many ways. But I also am glad that April will be the last time I should hear that herald of dawn and misery. I can love the station, but hate the theme.

And the fact that many of those who are campaigning to keep the theme, are doing so on the basis of Gordon Brown's splurging about patriotism and nationalism being marvellous, just makes me even more shaky.

So, I love radio 4, I resist most change there, but let the UK theme go. Let me have future insomnia nights without hearing an out of tune drunken sailor, or sickly Danny Boy, or any of the other pieces that make up the almost-6-minutes of let's rub in how badly she's slept. Please!

However, scrapping Home Truths too... now that's another matter.

9.38am - Edited to add: You can hear the Radio 4 UK Theme online, by clicking here. That bloody piccolo!

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Information Release: Sheffield Welfare Action Network.

NB I am publishing this essentially as I received it, to publicise the protest. I will write my own post on the Disability Benefits attacks as soon as possible.

Sheffield/Nation Wide Protest against the Incapacity Benefit Proposals.

Saturday 4 February, 1.00pm

Town Hall, Sheffield


Bring homemade placards, etc

there wll be speakers and some music, etc...

And

Call for simultaneous peaceful protests across the UK,

The Gov’t has finally announced what its plans are for
incapacity benefit and claimants and in SWAN’s view,
it is very very draconian and unpleasant. The changes
are the biggest in welfare for over sixty years(see
below), we are calling on all decent and caring
people, claimants, campaigners, activists, faith
groups, churches, individuals to support our call and
peacefully protest in your locality


It’s going to get even tougher

There is to be an even tougher and brutal regime for
most on incapacity benefit (IB) (it is extremely
difficult to claim IB now.) Benefits will be cut by
over 25.00 and will only rise when a claimant looks
for work, there will be even more stringent medical
assessments and tougher requirements to seek work or
lose benefit. Employment advisers will be placed in
G.P’s surgeries to ‘spy’ on the sick. Swan is already
hearing from a number of disabled people who are
terrified of these changes, they are saying that the
‘disability benefits‘regime is almost unbearable now’,
and how can it be worse!

>From the Guardian

‘'New claimants will face a tougher entry route and
more demanding tests on the benefit, renamed the
employment and support allowance.

Responses to the reforms

Already reactions are coming in: Macmillan Cancer
Relief feared "workfare-style compulsion" for sick and
disabled people, saying ‘it had already had to
intervene to stop chemotherapy patients and those with
a terminal diagnosis being called to work interviews’.
Of course, people should have help when and if they
are ready to go back to work, but what about the
Employer, are they ready for this? SWAN will also ask
why are the reforms ‘target led’ with the aim of
getting one million back into work? If the reforms are
so good , why does there have to be sanctions and
co-ercion? This approach will mean many many thousands
of the most vulnerable in our society who simply
cannot work will face such co-ercion and harrassment.
Further, where are all these jobs going to come from?
unemployment is now rising and employers themselves
admit they discriminate against people with
disabilities. The figures the Govt gives are
disengenous as well, fraud in IB is neglible (around
2% according to the DWP) and a large number of people
who could claim (for example those with terminal
illness) do not even know they are eligible! Having
work advisers in G.P surgeries will put added pressure
on sick people and one can argue it will compromise
the GP/patients relationship and is an infringement of
civil liberties.

SWAN will campaign vigorously against these reforms
and calls on all allies, friends, etc to do the same.
Finally, those who would call diasabled people:
scroungers, ‘leadswingers, etc, realise that 'these
people' are not others, different, from outer
space,they are us and one day, certainly as you age,
it could be you.

Resources:

excellent balanced summary of the changes here.

Disability Alliance, challenging the myths.

Sheffield Welfare Action Network.

swansheffield@yahoo.co.uk.



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I'm working on it...

I want to write about the scary Incapacity Benefit proposals. I want to write a review of Life Stripped Bare: My Year Trying To Live Ethically by a Guardian journalist, Leo Hickman. I want to write about the cool day with Z on our 2nd Anniversary. I want to write about the evils of excess packaging (having received 3 items of post this morning in plastic-wrapped bags). I want want want.

Watch this space. You never know.


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Friday, January 20, 2006

Save the Whale(s)!

There is a whale in central London. I thought it was a cute story until one report said they thought the whale had swum there, to shallow waters, to die. I was surprised at how inconscienably sad that made me :-(.

Northern Bottlenose Whale.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

From My Email.

From Friends of the Earth:
With spring on the way, now is the time to start thinking about whether to buy new plants for your garden or balcony. Investigate the Postcode Plants Database to find out which plants are local to your area before you make any purchases. These will encourage local wildlife, and will be better suited to local conditions, so will need less maintenance than exotic species. Visit http://www.nhm.ac.uk/nature-online/life/plants-fungi/postcode-plants/



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Sunday, January 15, 2006

Registering the Damage.

So what on earth is going on with this Ruth Kelly / sex offenders register(s) / teachers stuff?

What I have learned is:

  1. There is a register, separate from the Sex Offenders Register, known as List 99, which contains a list of people who must never work with children.

  2. One man has been working in a school, despite being on the Sex Offenders Register, having been cautioned for looking at child pornography.

  3. A 'caution' means he admitted to doing it.

  4. Another man who has been convicted of sex with a minor, got a job in a school.

  5. There has even been a case where someone who is on (the aforementioned) List 99, who has been approved, (seemingly) personally by Ruth Kelly, to work in a school nonetheless.

  6. A man who has convictions for abusing young boys, has been allowed to work in an all-girls' school.

  7. The whole world has gone mad
  8. .


So, being on the Sex Offenders Register does not automatically preclude someone from working in a school, but being on List 99 does.

Except that it doesn't, clearly. It only stops you if you don't get personal approval from the Education Minister to work with children despite history of convictions or abuse. And it seems she is reasonably willing to do that - two cases I have heard about, at least.

Now, I am not naive enough to be under any illusion that if people who have convictions of sexually abusing children are not allowed to work in schools, then all children are safe.

Firstly, you don't need to have a conviction to abuse children, or to be a danger to them.

Secondly, child sex abusers are often drawn to professions which will bring them into contact with children, so schools are probably a fairly high risk place to be in those terms.

And thirdly, the vast majority of abuse happens within the home. Kids are at risk from their parents, relatives, friends, babysitters etc., in the very place they live.

However doesn't it seem, well, sensible to actively stop people who have either been convicted of, or have admitted to offences of sexual abuse against children from working in a school?

Well, yes it does.

On a side note, hippie blog seems to be the number one search result for what programmes will there be on the telly on friday nights in march. Should anyone else manage to find me through those search terms, I can safely say, I have no idea. Gah!


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