“Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused.” - Freda Adler

If I was a journalist, and I was reporting on the alleged gang rape of an 11 year old girl, I imagine I would discuss the horror of the situation. I would talk to experts on child rape, and perhaps provide sources of support and information. I would write about the long-term effects that such an assault can have on a girl, and I would perhaps discuss what may be involved in the legal process ahead for this child and the accused men and boys.

However, in researching the story, I found this,

But this is a case that has divided this Liberty County town.

Some sympathize with the suspects, saying the alleged victim was a willing participant, even though she is too young to give legal consent

as reported in My Fox Houston and elsewhere.

That information would change my approach altogether. Her local community and fellow students coming out with statements like,

""To be honest, she looks older than she really is," says Brandi Foster",

and

"“Where was her mother? What was her mother thinking?” said Ms. Harrison, one of a handful of neighbors who would speak on the record"

This girl was allegedly raped by as many as 20 men and boys. She was 11 years old.

Not only are the child, and her mother, being blamed for her assault, an awful lot of concern is expressed for the defendants.

“It’s just destroyed our community,” said Sheila Harrison, 48, a hospital worker who says she knows several of the defendants. “These boys have to live with this the rest of their lives.”

and

“It’s devastating, and it’s really tearing our community apart,” she said. “I really wish that this could end in a better light.” (from NY Times)

and

Sherry Fletcher, whose 20-year-old son Devo Shaun Green is among those charged, spoke to the network about her son's arrest. She said: 'It just seems like a dream. 'I just hope everything comes out well, because some of these kids are innocent.' (from Daily Mail, safe link).

Why is nobody asking what happened in one community to potentially create 20 rapists? Why is nobody expressing concern for the child at all? Why is it that the concern about the legal action is focused on the effect on the accused men, not the effect on the girl?

And if I was a journalist reporting this story, I would never, ever do what the New York Times in particular did, and report uncritically on a community's victim-blaming of an 11 year old girl who has had video of her alleged gang rape passed around her school, and which is now being investigated by the police.

James McKinley, the journalist, considers it newsworthy that

Residents in the neighborhood where the abandoned trailer stands — known as the Quarters — said the victim had been visiting various friends there for months. They said she dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s. She would hang out with teenage boys at a playground, some said.

He does not report that it does not matter what a woman or girl is wearing. It does not matter if she 'dresses her age' or not. It does not matter if she wears make-up. He does not even question these statements, he just quotes them as they stand. He does not even mention that an 11 year old child is considered to be always incapable of consent in the law.

People should know better. The New York Times in particular should.

Other online reports of this story have comments like,

It doesn't make it right but when all the truth comes out I won't be surprised if it turns out that she was telling everyone she was 17 yrs old and that she probably orchestrated the whole thing. A lot of young people's lives will be ruined by this young, promiscuous girl. Something this big had to have been planned. Put them all in jail including the young girl.

This misogyny has to end! It does not even matter if she had told anyone she was 17. Or 27. Or 87. Women and girls get raped through no fault of their own. How many times do we need to report this until it is understood?

Thank you to Women's eNews for the photo, and to Liz Henry for the heads-up to the story.

(cross-posted at The F Word blog).

What a difference 10 months make...

Sheffield City Hall. In preparation for the Liberal Democrat conference this weekend, fences have been erected, roads will be closed, buses changing routes, shops closed, for fear of the Rage against the Lib Dems and other inevitable protests.

The Sheffield Star says,

In a bid to keep party delegates safe at the three-day spring summit, mobile fencing has been erected around the venue in Barker’s Pool to keep protesters out.

It is thought thousands of demonstrators could come to Sheffield to protest at Liberal Democrat policies and coalition with the Conservatives.

Compare and contrast with this image. That is a group of people at the same place - Sheffield City Hall. The banners are being aimed at - the Liberal Democrats.



Right to Work criticise the cost of the police operation, saying

“The police operation is costing at least £2 million and the people of South Yorkshire will have to pay to protect the very people making the cuts and destroying their lives.”

Details of Saturday's protest are available here. There are so many issues to protest about. Just take your pick.

(Hat-tip to Sheffield Green Party for the image and the comparison image link).

7 Years Old

This blog is 7 years old today.

Wolfram Alpha tells me that 7 years is equal to 84 months, 365 weeks, 2555 days, 61320 hours, 6.995025 anomalistic years, or 6.99508694957 sidereal years.

In other '7 year' news, The Eiffel Tower is painted approximately once every 7 years and requires nearly 50 tons of paint each time according to this site. And it appears to be a myth that in the length of time this blog has existed, I have replaced every cell in my body.

Happy birthday, hippie blog!

Endometriosis Awareness Week 2011

This week is Endometriosis Awareness Week, and as someone who has the disease I wanted to raise a bit of awareness of it here.

Endometriosis is surprisingly common, and can vary in severity and symptoms from woman to woman. In my case I get extreme pain with my period, and very heavy and prolonged bleeding. I have not tried to get pregnant, so do not know for sure if it has affected my fertility, but I have been told that it probably has seriously reduced my chances of a successful pregnancy. But as a happily child-free person, that is not a personal concern.

So for me, it's the pain. And when I say that I get pain with my period, you may feel you have an idea what that would mean, because many women get pain with their periods. When my periods first started as a teenager, I got period pain. It hurt, and I'd take two paracetamol and it would calm down. I had no idea what was to come for me! After 12 months of relatively normal periods I was on a family holiday in France when my period started. I had never experienced pain like it. It felt like someone was twisting a knife around in my lower back, and simultaneously punching me in the stomach, while tearing the muscles open in my right thigh. I couldn't sit up straight, I could only curl into a foetal position and pray it would stop. On the fourth day I could finally stand up straight.

And so it remains to this day. The first four days of my period I generally cannot stand up or walk. I have to be curled up in an almost self-protective position, take codeine that makes no difference at all, and blank my mind so that I don't add to the agonies with 'why me?' and 'this is awful', neither of which help.

I try to plan so that I don't have anything to do on the first four or five days of my cycle, but it's very irregular, and never works out as I intend it to.

The video above explains the medical side of things, but the personal cost to women is what concerns me particularly. I had surgery to diagnose the endo, but the treatment side of that did not make much difference to my symptoms. Hormone treatments lowered my mood dramatically, and I can't take the pill. I was offered a hysterectomy, but at age 21, as I was, I felt it was too radical a decision to make at that stage.

It took me 7 years from first going to my GP about this excessive pain, to getting a diagnosis of endometriosis. At the time, this was the average length of time for all women. There are numerous reasons for this, but they mainly centre around women and girls not being taken seriously when they complain of period-related pain. As mine started as a teenager, I was told I would grow out of it. I was told it would be fine once I'd had a baby. I was told that *everyone* gets period pain. My friends who had seen how ill I got knew that there was something different about my period pain compared to theirs, but I was unable to convey to the doctors that it was not normal.

For me, it took dragging myself to my GP on the first day of my period. She saw me, unable to straighten up, barely able to stand, and she picked up her pen and paper and referred me instantly to a gynaecologist. He did a laparoscopy, and sure enough, found endo, as well as some other problems too.

If you have any of the symptoms - extreme pain before, during or after your period, pain during sex, excessive bleeding, difficulty conceiving, ovulation pain, bowel or bladder problems, loss of large clots of blood, and other things which you know are not right in your body - go back to the GP and do your best to insist on a referral to a gynaecologist. I wish I could tell you that from there, all would be well, but 12 years on I am still in the same situation as when i was first diagnosed. However, some women do have success with treatments, so they are always worth a try. I get on ok, as long as nobody tries to make me move, or threatens to take my wheat pad away!

This week, be aware of your body. You know what is normal for you.

For further information, see Endometriosis UK, or the Endometriosis She Trust UK.

(Cross-posted at The F Word blog).

Finding RSS Feed Links in New Twitter.

I've been trying to add some twitter things to my google reader today, and finding the RSS feeds for things is suddenly a lot harder, with new twitter.

So, for anyone else wondering, here's what I've got.

If you want to get the RSS feed for twitter search results, so you want the feed to register each new mention of a search term, you use this URL, http://search.twitter.com/search.rss?q=feminism but replace 'feminism' at the end with whatever search you want. Add that URL to your RSS reader, google reader, or whatever you use, and it should work.

The other thing I wanted was the RSS feed URLs for certain twitter accounts. These used to appear below the list of people the account was following, but not any more. Until you log out. So you have to log out, go to that person's account page, and the RSS feed link will be below the images of the people the account follows, in the right sidebar. Then, log back in and do whatever you were doing, but you have the feed URL now.

Hope that helps someone out! It's been frustrating.

We're doing it. Not sure what, but we are.

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it. -Chinese proverb (via @charityideas).

I'm not normally one for such quotations, but I liked that one.

Headless.

Last night I dreamt that I died. After dying I then woke up again (in the dream). This made me suddenly scared of being buried alive, and as I knew that I was going to die again shortly, I asked that next time I died, that someone should decapitate me so that I couldn't wake up again.

I died again, and then woke up (in the dream) again. This time I had been decapitated but still woke up, as just a head. I started to fear that I would never die properly and stay dead. I also wondered how I would function in the interim, as just a head.

Then I woke up (in real life).

What the fuck does that mean?!

We Can't Go On Like This.

Exclusive: More than 50,000 NHS Job Losses Uncovered by False Economy.

>>>>EDITED TO ADD: Save Our NHS. Sign the petition and email your MP here now.<<<<

Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean They're Not Out To Get You.

The media rhetoric around, and the threatened government cuts to, disability benefits are filling people with fear. They are contributing to deep suspicion and even aggression from the general public towards disabled people, and lots of us are feeling more than a little petrified.

From Nadine Dorries' Shop a Twit campaign, to virtually everything put out by the Daily Mail, many disabled people are becoming scared to go out, to have occasional treats, to try something normally outside of their limits, such as walking a few steps, or to put their name to anything they post on the internet at all, in case someone should see them, report them for benefit fraud, and accuse them of 'faking it'.

Of those who have continued to post on twitter, despite previous threats, many feel more limited about what they can say, lest they are judged to be faking, scrounging, or wasting taxpayers' money. Still more are finding they feel they have to justify everything they say, just in case somebody is watching. And programmes like the BBC's Saints and Scroungers do little to help, either people's attitudes, or the overriding fear and paranoia experienced by disabled benefit claimaints.

So I was saddened, but not surprised, to see one person's response to this build-up of fear.

I started to worry that my heavy use of twitter could be used against me in this process. I have already explained how and why I can use twitter without that meaning that I am fit to work, but I also worried that my tweets could easily be taken out of context. For example, a tweet about undertaking an activity of some sort could be used as proof that I can do that all the time. What an investigator would not see is how good or bad a day I was having, how much I had to prepare for and work around the activity, or how much pain and exhaustion that activity would cause for days afterwards.

So Steven Sumpter, aka latent existence, took, "the drastic step of deleting all 12,272 of my tweets". All of them. And why? Fear. Fear they would be used against him. Fear that they would portray an image of him actually being fine. Now, I follow him on twitter, and it's not like he's endlessly talking of weekends away skiing and trekking up mountains, and decided he'd better suddenly get rid of the evidence. This is the twitter account of someone who is clearly not well enough to work. This is someone who talks about a good day being when they open their curtains 'without fleeing in pain from the light'.

This someone who nobody could accuse of faking it. Anyone with a chronic illness can recognise straight away that these aren't a series of made-up tweets by someone imagining what it might be like to be ill, and even so he felt so threatened by the current atmosphere of suspicion and attack, that deleting over 12,000 tweets felt like the only way forward.

But he's not the only one scared. It's not a paranoid or psychotic illness which is making him have these suspicions, some of the most mentally healthy people I know concur with him. And I want our progressive, equal society to take a look at itself, and wonder just how progressive and equal it is.

(Cross posted at Where's the Benefit? blog).

Facts About My Impairments You Might Not Have Known #1

There are lots of aspects of disability which I talk about openly, and others that I never mention. Many I just take for granted these days, but I thought it would be good for awareness to share some of them.

So I'm going to have an occasional series of 'Facts about my impairments you might not have known'.

#1 I need artificial saliva in order to be able to swallow.

The TUC, March for the Alternative and Language Discourses which Promote Exclusion.

Two blog posts were brought to my attention yesterday that really merit a post each, but I don't currently have the capacity to do that, so they will have to share a space.

Firstly, an open letter to Brendan Barber, the General Secretary of the TUC, from Disabled People Against Cuts.

This letter is appealing to the TUC to work with them to make the March for the Alternative on the 26th March, more accessible to disabled people. They point out that

At the latest count it was found that disabled people were facing fourteen separate attacks against our lives and living standards as a result of the Coalition government’s policies. What we are witnessing is our human rights, supposedly guaranteed under the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Disabled People, being violated by regressive and draconian cuts to benefit and care funding.

and ask that disabled people are as " fully included in this march and rally as our non-disabled peers would take for granted".

Disabled People Against Cuts have clearly explained the numerous barriers to disabled people's participation in this event, and have as yet failed to get a response from the TUC about their suggestions of ways to improve access.

Given how horrifically the cuts ahead are going to affect disabled people's lives, it seems that we should be at the forefront of planning such protests, not ignored and sidelined.

The second is a post from My Political Ramblings about Welfare Claimants and the Discourse of Threat, and articulates really well the process of scapegoating, rhetoric and stigmatisation involved in making the cuts to disability benefits acceptable to the public. This is a really insightful and useful post, and is well worth reading.

**Edited to add, as I posted this, Lisa posted simultaneously that the TUC have now released access information. Please check her post for the most up to date information.**

(Cross posted at Where's the Benefit?).

Open Letter to Proud Galleries

Dear Mr Proud,

I was dismayed to hear that today, your gallery refused entry to a woman who is a wheelchair user, on the basis that her wheelchair took up too much room. Your website boasts of 'some of the best press coverage in the country' and 'exciting, cutting edge and sometimes controversial' exhibitions, and states, rather ironically in the circumstances, that "Based upon a formula of exhibiting accessible shows around popular themes Proud Galleries instantly took the photography industry by storm".

How accessible is a show if a woman is not allowed to enter because of her use of a wheelchair?

As well as being deeply disrespectful and offensive, I am sure you are aware that this is also illegal under the Disability Discrimination Act. I see also that you have Mencap listed under your Sponsors, and I will be contacting them separately to ensure they are aware of this situation.

And

Dear Mencap,

Please find below an email I have just sent to Proud Galleries, who list you as a sponsor. I thought you would want to be aware of the situation.

**Edited to add. Since posting this message, @proudgalleries have posted the following tweet:

"Sorry for upset. We have 2 wheel chair access points, we open our doors to everyone. Capacity was reached, it was a 1 in 1 out policy to all."

Hate from the Government, Hate on the Street.

Today I went to an appointment, and afterwards, when I was almost home, a man who was coming from behind me shouted something. I turned to him and laughed and said, "that made me jump", and he yelled it again, but I couldn't work out what he said.

He crossed over the road and yelled the same thing for a third time, and I worked out that he was saying "fucking DLA stick". I said, "I don't know what you mean?" but as I was saying the words I realised that I did. He was implying that, as I walk with a crutch, I was faking a disability to receive benefits.

For the rest of the length of the street, he yelled 'fucking DLA stick' at me again and again. I felt very intimidated and frightened.

And I knew. I knew that it was caused, as well as by a nasty, nasty man, it was also caused by this:



and this:



and this:



and every other story by the government and the media portraying disabled people as lazy (see the photo in that final screenshot!) scroungers.

I do not need to justify my use of a mobility aid to a complete stranger in the street, never mind one who is flinging abuse at me. The thought that I would carry a big, awkward metal thing around with me at all times in order to claim benefits is just ridiculous. The realisation that this is what some people think, that's frightening.

If anything like this happens to you, remember that it is a disability hate crime. You can report it directly to the police, or through an intermediary such as Stop hate UK.

The war against benefit claimants is, sadly, proving more effective than ever.

(This was cross posted at Where's the Benefit? blog)

What's a Life Worth?

Someone pointed me to a site called 5 Quid for Life,

a new charity-in-the-making, set up in January 2011 to support mentally ill people who may be adversely affected by changes to the UK benefits system.

and it made me so, so sad.

Set up in response to Aliquant's post about her plans for suicide if she is refused ESA,

to encourage people to give, ideally to commit to regular giving of £5 per month, to enable us to offer a life-saving safety net beneath the benefits system.

It made me sad, and then it made me angry. Not the site itself - the site is lovely, and caring, and a beautiful response to someone's utter despair. Rather, it made me angry that this is necessary at all. That anyone in this country in the 21st century saw a need to get strangers to donate money so that people with mental health problems can support themselves rather than kill themselves.

How has this happened? That we are under such scrutiny, and in a state of such terror, and so disregarded by the government, as well as the opposing party, that millions of us are at risk of homelessness and destitution, as some kind of punishment for being ill.

Any idea that once our benefits are stopped, we will 'buck our ideas up' will be proven again and again to be, at best, misguided, and at worst, downright dangerous. Threats of suicide are worryingly frequent in comments on this blog alone. Those of us with mental health problems are thought to be the most at risk of failing the assessments, which are reported to ask questions which are much less relevant to people with mental health problems, as well as other invisible disabilities.

One thing is for sure, the medicals, the reassessments, the regular hatred in parts of the media, the misinformation from the government, are all working together to make us more stressed, more depressed, more anxious and more paranoid. Therefore further and further away from the elusive 'wellness' which would enable us to start thinking about paid work and leaving the benefits system.

I am disgusted, and ashamed, to be in a country where people are having to hold collections in order that people will be able to eat. People, specifically, who are frightened, sick and vulnerable.

(Cross posted at Where's the Benefit? blog)

Speech Kinda Recognition

To see whether resting my left hand is helpful, I am trying out the Speech Recognition Software which came with Windows 7, as one of my main problems with my left hand now is typing.

I'm getting the hang of it. It's quite slow and frustrating, but more usable than I thought. But this morning, for fun, I put the headset on the radio speakers. This is what it made of the end of the Today programme and the beginning of Saturday Live.

The newly down tweetdeck the will and reason the hon. what the implications there were four was the disposal up O golden retrievers and one daughter. In the there is week: Europe and in in Yemen which is odd because if you have a successful transition treatment of active written and directed by substantial movement even when we saw and heard more people will see what would not pursue the subject of women's institutes and you believed opposite the most people in each if the strings can be achieved peacefully will find that certain to fundamentally we wanted the by which people looking for an forbidden to leave them in length hair pub it's it's it's a victory since I was just as it is and what you think differs from review board and lodging use nine of the city believes it is written as a Munich this morning you'll also make clear the government's determination to confront 345 groups which promote Islamist extremism prime minister will argue that Britain needs a strong national identity to prevent people travelling to extremism the security minister reading of the chances accompanying Mr. Cameron speaking on today she said the government could deliver a leader of the was a widespread feeling in the country rather than with this united behind values of the need to be than there are things of the government's new computer given even encourage participation society we wanted we do that immediately give it a of and runners are talking about his opposition to been written by means all forms of extremism he just does not does not simply mean business are extremism he's been an explosion in an addiction gas pipeline you the border with Israel because of the but is not clear the pipeline supplies Jordan and Egypt and government ministers are talks are planned between the vice president of Muslim and of your position to consider a possible transitions are United States of the Irish President Mubarak to listen to the protesters were continuing continuing to demand his resignation after 11 days of protests on the streets of Cairo, Egypt and cities of British soldiers died in what's been described as an operational accident in Afghanistan he was serving with the first time in the royal Irish regiment and how much province his relatives have been informed ministers are expected to announce a relaxation of the voting. People who want a volunteer with children by government view of Labour's controversial racing and barring scheme is reported to have concluded that criminal record checks are necessary in many cases ministers are planning to restrict them to those who have intensive contact with young BBC News we hear about a growing adventure cross the Indian Ocean and struggled facilities time for Saturday Life with the driver of the to infinitive rewarding to Saturday nine what's this women and men in long enough in-line listening with four: she consistently been I couldn't walk through the or in only 52.9 stranger tweetdeck the the now familiar one to if
To on the programme is morning we meet him and his holiday in Ecuador Jupiter and the woman's weekly income young lady was among became her best friend step mum and dad is rinsed and became worse than that to get her into a diagram for whom we have inheritance tractor Barry Humphries and had a triple songstress Beth Orton and it's all after firsthand report is not healthy excite our libraries do degree which is why this is subtitled the only thing standing between us and a party recently lively and original library libraries shouldn't have to borrow time for a long line imagine your duty for a winner on 044 and one forgot the which I used during and after from 15 to go outside and see how ruled that the new one reason; it is recruitment and identity and as a TV presenter and wheelchair apparent in his Packwood Latin already is presented more than a dozen sports resort BBC and channel four in the workhouse give the

Good Advice Matters

Someone drew my attention to a website called Good Advice Matters, which is a non-profit organisation dedicated to offering 'accurate and relevant information' on welfare rights.

We have many years experience behind us and specialize in disability and sickness benefits, appeals, benefits for foreign nationals, better off calculations, benefits for young people, benefits for carers etc.

Good Advice Matters supports the rights of individuals to claim the benefits that they are entitled to without experiencing judgmental attitudes, un-necessary delays and confusing and contradictory information. Good Advice Matters is frustrated with the lack of accurate information and advice currently being offered by the DWP. In short we feel that benefit claimants are being let down by the system.

Good Advice Matters is extremely critical of changes to the benefit system such as the introduction of employment and support allowance for claimants with limited capability for work and the planned cuts to benefits such as housing benefit. We have seen at first hand the devastating affect that a decision to stop benefit can have on an individual and we will actively campaign to ensure that claimants receive a fairer, more transparent and supportive service.

They invite people to contact them with any benefit query or question.

They have already answered one query about Is my Incapacity Benefit Safe? and under their DWP tag and benefit advice tag they have plenty more advice on benefits.

www.goodadvicematters.co.uk looks like it could be a really helpful resource for disabled people, regarding benefits and rights, especially as more, confusing and punitive changes come into law.

(Cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?blog).

Shhh!-In At Sheffield Libraries

Yesterday I read with dismay that the bundle of awesomeness that is Ian McMillan has been banned from a children's creative writing event for fear that he may make political comments.

He is a big fan of libraries, and has said “Libraries are a vital and irreplaceable part of a cultured and civilised society, and one of the few public places left where you don’t have to pay to get in.” Of course, he's quite right!

The story a few weeks ago of residents of Stony Stratford withdrawing every single book from their local library to fight its closure was thoroughly inspiring.

According to Library Workers For a Better Future,

In Sheffield it is being proposed that the present library budget of £8.5m should be cut by £2.5m by 2013/14, i.e. by £1.4m in 2011/12 and £550k in 2012/13 and 2013/14. There are no current plans to close libraries but cuts on this scale will inevitably have a major impact on the quality of the library service. As a campaigning organisation we are keen to work with the council wherever possible to highlight the good work that libraries do in our communities. This lack of cooperation on even such a simple thing as a children’s creative writing workshop leaves us with little option but to pursue other ideas...

The 'other ideas' they talk about are a 'Shhh!-in' at Sheffield Central Lending Library on the 5th February. That date is the national day of action for libraries, and at 11am at Sheffield Central Library, the following is proposed:

Shhh-In rules…

Finger to lips.

At 11am say ‘Shhhhh!’

Finish off with three cheers for the library!

Finally, borrow lots of books – lets empty those shelves. You’re allowed up to 15 out on your library card, so bring a big bag!

You can keep up to date with the campaign by following @lwfabf and the #shh4sheflib hashtag on twitter.

It's My Nerves!

I haven't written a personal blog post for aeons. But here we are.

I went this morning for an EMG and nerve conduction tests. I've had them before and it involves sending electrical impulses through you to see what your nerves are doing, then putting a needle into your muscle and sending electrical pulses through that as well. It pretty much is as unpleasant as it sounds, though the wire in the leg muscle wasn't as painful as it was last time.

The problem came when he tested my arms as well. This, I think, is supposed to be a way that they can compare the damaged nerves in my legs to nerves in my arms which are ok. But the nerves in my left arm are, it seems, not ok. He kept asking me questions about my left hand. Was I *sure* it wasn't numb? Was I *sure* it was ok. I eventually admitted that I have been having some trouble touch typing with it, and he did some sensation comparison things on both my hands and, sure enough, I have a loss of sensation in my left one. This was clearly showing up in the tests he was doing, which is why he was so insistent.

The thing that scares me is that the neurological problems started with my left foot and leg, then a few weeks later affected my right foot. Now it has affected my left hand, I fear my right hand will be next and then... who knows? I do know, from reading, that this does happen with neuropathy.

He didn't give me any results or analysis, he sends his results to the neurologist who will then go through them with me. But I'm more than a little depressed about potentially having hands as crap as my feet.

Later I went to see my GP to talk about the ongoing neuropathic pain from the site of my neurosurgery last February, and he has increased my gabapentin dose. I'm trying to be optimistic but it hasn't helped so far, and it has thoroughly foul side effects for a few weeks with each increase. I'm going from 1200mg a day to 1800mg a day.

And there's more, of course. There always is. But that will do for now.

I started, so I finished

After fixing all the linkage to the right, I decided it would be good to just prettify the whole thing. Welcome to my new blog design!

It's not perfect, and there are things that I would like to change but can't because it's a free template (like the twitter link in the top right hand corner, and the text colour), but I like the design, and it will do.

Now, Up To Date.

For a long time now, the links in my right side bar have been horribly out of date. They didn't represent the blogs I do read, they didn't represent the blogs I no longer read, and many no longer existed or had become password protected.

I used to use the right sidebar links as my way of keeping on top of which blogs I read, but now I read most blogs in google reader, and have been ignoring ---> for months and even years.

It got to the point where it was ridiculous, I wasn't linking to my favourite blogs and I was linking to lots of dead ones, so I set about the dreaded task of sorting it out.

So, for the last few days I have been going to each blog I linked to, and either adding it to google reader, or finding it was long gone, or finding it contained things I didn't want to read any more. So the blog list has been gradually shrinking - the more I did, the more I deleted.

And I have worked out a way to link to the blogs I like and read, without the sidebar getting so overwhelmed again, so now I have set up my blog list to be attached to my google reader account, but only the ten most recently updated blogs will show to the right.

I have also deleted a lot of the links that weren't blogs. The ones that remain are below the blog list. I should order them somehow, but I'll work that out in time. I have also changed my twitter feed, flickr feed and last.fm feed gadgets so they are more up to date, and look neater and fit in better, and added a 'most popular posts' thing right at the bottom of the page.

Sheffield Seed Swap

There will be a Sheffield Seed Swap on Sunday 20th February at The Old Sharrow School, S7 1DB

we invite you to take some of our saved seeds and share with us seeds that you have saved yourself. Its aso fine to come empty handed ! we would just ask for a donation for any seeds you would like to take...or perhaps there is something else you can swap?
All the seeds saved here at the seed swap are organic and local.

This means that these seeds will be more suited to local climatic
conditions and will be more suited to organic growing conditions.

Seeds are one of humanities greatest resources. We rely upon saving seeds for most of our food, and much of our clothes and our medicines. One seed can produce a plant that will produce many thousands of seeds, each with the potential to produce many more thousands...

seedysunday.org is a good resource for seedswaps nationwide.

There will also be information on local community food growing projects, and other local food events as well some plants, cups of tea, and cake! This event is free. We welcome donations to keep this event going into the future.

You can find more information at growsheffield.com.

Mozaz's Funeral

Mozaz's funeral will be held next Thursday, 3rd February.

You can see the full details here, but the very basics are:

"The service will be at Grenoside Crematorium in the North Chapel starting at 12pm and finishing at 1:15pm

The service will then be followed by a gathering of friends from 1:30pm onwards at Philadelphian Working Mens Club".

Euthanasia Kits. Joke or Tragic Truth?

What Do They Know? is a fascinating website. You can submit Freedom of Information requests through it, and view the requests submitted by others, as well as the responses from the various public sector organisations. So you can do a search for, say, work capability assessment and see all the requests and responses made through the site, or search for your local area, or hospital, or a government department.

But when someone sent me a link to this FOI request to the DWP about euthanasia options for those who are removed off DLA / ESA I assumed it was going to be a joke. It turned out, in fact, to be horribly, chillingly apt.

The request by Stuart Wyatt begins,

With your department aiming to remove the benefits from 25% of DLA
claimants, and deem 91% of ESA claimants as fit for work, please
could you inform me what provisions have been made for those
disabled and sick people to choose a quick and painless death in
preference to slow and painful death by starvation, neglect or
homelessness.

and goes on to ask whether ATOS will therefore be providing suicide kits.

The same man has made a video of telephone calls to ATOS asking for the same information.



It would be funny if it wasn't so damn true.

Back to the Freedomof Information request, the DWP have to reply by the 21st February, so do check for their response.

Mozaz all over the internet.

I posted yesterday about Mozaz dying. Since then various people have written about him, so I wanted to do a round-up of the things I have found.

Firstly, someone posted yesterday's post on Indymedia - not sure who did that but thank you. As we need to get the word out, it was a good move.

Other links I have found:

• Ian Bone: 'Project Sheffield' Mark 'Mozaz' Wallace has died
  
• Truth, Reason and Liberty: RIP Mark "Mozaz" Wallis
  
• I Intend to Escape..... and Come Back: Mark Wallis Of Sheffield - Mozaz Dies
  
• Sheffield Green Party: Mark Wallis aka Mozaz
  
• 28 Days Later: Dave Wallis aka Mark Wallis aka 0742 - RIP
  
• Sheffield Forum: Mark 'Mozaz' Wallis - 1/08/65 - 23/01/11
  
• What people are saying about Mozaz on twitter
  
• Sheffield Flickr Group: Mark 'Mozaz' Wallis

I will post here when I know anything about the funeral details.

Mozaz.

Mozaz, aka Mark Wallis, was angry, unpredictable, stubborn and inconsistent.

But he was also passionate. And way more sensitive than many people gave him credit for. He was supportive, when he liked you, though whether he liked you or not could change at a moment's notice. But when he was on your side, he would back you up every step of the way, whatever the kind of support you needed was. Emotional support, practical support, and advice. He offered, and he meant it.

Mozaz was a great photographer who, like me, didn't see any contradiction in finding beauty as much in abandoned, derelict buildings as in the rolling countryside. And he found much beauty in both. He adored Sheffield and was certainly one of its characters.

And Sheffield, despite itself, will miss him.

As an anarchist, and a troublemaker, and with strong feelings about almost everything, he was often to be found at demonstrations and protests. As a person he found solace in hugging trees, he wasn't ashamed to admit he cried.

The last time I saw him he was proud to have spent the past few hours in a police station. He felt proud that he was considered to be enough of a threat to the state to be worth arresting. Before being released without charge he had made sure to inform all of the coppers of their union rights, urging them to seek advice about whether they should be enforcing fascist government policy. He was exhausting to be with. Everything had the potential to make him rant, often in unexpected ways. But there was an anarchist rave hidden behind every possible situation which could arise, and he never failed to provide it. He was a prolific blogger and was @ur32daurt on twitter.

Mozaz was hard work, but if you looked beyond what was immediately visible he was sensitive, supportive, intense and warm-hearted.

He died in the early hours of this morning after a time in Intensive Care with pneumonia. Through the last few days, since becoming aware of his being ill, I kept hold of the fact that he was surely indestructible. But sadly this proved not to be the case, and he has left this city a little quieter, he has left the police force with a little less work to do, and he has left many people, myself included, reeling.

I'm going to miss you Mozaz, you mad bugger.

52 Weeks, 52 Letters Challenge

I love writing letters and cards, and I have phases of doing lots, then not doing any for ages.

The 52 Weeks, 52 Letters challenge for 2011 has inspired me. I aim to write a letter or card each week this year.

What a lovely challenge! There's nothing quite like receiving a hand-written, personal note from a friend through the door, and I hope I can bring 52 smiles to others throughout the year.

Don't Be On The Giving End

Oh dear, it doesn't matter how many times we talk about it, and my goodness we talk about it a lot, it happens again and again.

Last Christmas we were told to not be a rape victim, earlier this year we were told that it was because of what we wear, and that half of Londoners surveyed thought there were times that rape was the victim's fault, and these are just the tip of the iceberg.

So, in time for Christmas, Hambleton and Richmondshire Community Safety Partnership have launched a 'hard-hitting campaign', advising people to not be 'on the receiving end' of domestic violence during the festive season.

I am struggling to see their logic. Is it aimed at women who they believe were somehow planning to be abused, yet on seeing the poster they will see the error of their ways, and decide against it? How else can it be understood?

Raising awareness of domestic abuse is very important. The quote provided makes good points: “Christmas is meant to be a happy time for families but for many living in our districts it will be a time of fear and pain,” said Sarah Hill, Director of Independent Domestic Abuse Services.

“The pressure builds up as people spend more time together than normal - which can often be a flash point for abuse. But we are here and ready to help – to listen or to provide some shelter.”

But how does this equate to the victim blaming, completely missing-the-point poster.

If anyone is going to urge anyone to do anything, we need to urge abusers not to abuse. It is so screamingly obvious that it frustrates me immensely that we have to write about this again and again and again.

Nobody wants to be abused. A woman seeing a poster telling her not to 'be on the receiving end' does not stop her partner 'being on the giving end'. It may just make her feel even more powerless and vulnerable.

Provide helpline numbers, sure. Provide advice and support, absolutely. But point the advice in a way that does not make it her fault. In a way that does not put the onus on her to not be punched or kicked or raped.

Because believe me, she already does not want to be on the receiving end. She does not need a patronising poster campaign to tell her that.

If you are experiencing domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247, or find a service local to you through the Women's Aid website.

And remember, it is not your fault. Ever.

I wish we did not have to keep saying this, but as long as people keep putting out information like that, we will.

(Cross-posted at The F Word)

Disability Works, Does It?

Companies like A4e, who are paid by the government to get benefit claimants into work, are treated with at best suspicion, and at worst fear and loathing, by many disabled people, especially following TV programmes such as Benefit Busters.

The DWP currently have a shortlist for other companies who are bidding for contracts to carry out government compulsory back-to-work schemes, and worryingly one of the shortlisted companies is the dreaded ATOS, who carry out the ESA medicals, and G4S (formerly Group 4 Security).

However, apparently also on the shortlist, according to benefitsandwork.co.uk, is a consortium consisting of a group of 7 charities, who have called themselves Disability Works UK.

Disability Works UK is a collaboration of national third sector disability organisations including Leonard Cheshire, Mencap, Scope, Mind, Action for Blind People, United Response, Pure Innovations, Advance UK and Pluss.

They boast about their £654.4 million turnover, and cash surplus of £15.6 million, which makes me feel a little queasy. As someone who has donated to more than one of these charities in the past, I will certainly never do so again if that is going to be used in a bid for them to gain their place in what is one of the most oppressive parts of the government's new benefit regime.

For charities and voluntary sector organisations who have done some campaigning against the punitive measures put in place within the benefit system, to now want to play an active part in that system, is disturbing. For them to use money donated by people in good faith as part of that, sickening.

And where does it leave our chances of major disability charities campaigning on our behalf against punitive benefit reforms? If they are hoping to profit from the legislation, I cannot see how we can expect adequate support or representation from them.

If Mind, Scope, Mencap, Leonard Cheshire et al win these contracts, will these charities, who are seen by many as the voice of disabled people, be playing a part in benefit sanctions? Will they be working with ATOS as colleagues? Will we ever trust them again?

(cross posted at Where's the Benefit?)

DLA Consultation: The Internet Responds.

Yesterday, Where's the Benefit? posted Broken of Britain's response to the DLA reform consultation, and today I am going to try to read the government's consultation document itself.

Other disability blogs and websites have already done some great posts on this subject, and I wanted to draw attention to some of what is being said around the interwebz on the reform proposals.

Fighting Monsters writes From DLA to PIP - a consultation begins.

Arbitrary Constant writes DLA Reform Consultation: Great Expectations, Worst Apprehensions.

communitycare.co.uk write DLA claimants to miss out in benefits shake-up.

Disability Alliance write Government announces cuts to disabled people's support as "new test".

Left Foot Forward writes Supporting Disabled People Not Sustainable says Coalition.

Disabled People Against Cuts have a cartoon entitled Don't worry when we want your opinion we'll tell you what it is.

I don't know whether I'll be able to make my way through reading the consultation document myself without breaking things and / or having a complete meltdown, but if I do I will try to summarise it in a blog post when I have.

(cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?)

Cold Weather Payments

For those readers on qualifying benefits, you can check whether or not you are yet eligible for any Cold Weather Payments on this direct gov website.

Payments are made when the average temperature for where you live is recorded as, or forecast to be, zero degrees Celsius or below over seven consecutive days.

Also from direct.gov, who qualifies for Cold Weather Payments:

If you are in receipt of Pension Credit, Income Support, Income-based Jobseeker's Allowance or Income-related Employment and Support Allowance (ESA), you may also be able to get Cold Weather Payments.

You get £25 for each seven day period of very cold weather between 1 November and 31 March and it is paid automatically, you do not need to apply for it.

So, if you want to check whether you are due to receive one, you can do so here.

Cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?

Round-Up Post

There are plenty of must-read articles and blog posts which I haven't had the time or the spoons to cover. All of the following are well worth a look.

• Scope are running a survey about the real costs of being disabled, which you can fill in here.
  
• "On the Shoulders of the Vulnerable", an article from Morning Star with information about ATOS and how ESA medicals are failing disabled people, especially those of us with mental health problems.
  
• A Guardian article, Housing Benefit Cuts: What's the Real Truth?
  
• Laurie Penny in the New Statesman writes Strictly Come Scrounging, Anyone?, about The X Factor vision of society [which] blames the poor for their predicament.
  
• Hopi Sen and Left Futures point out the contradiction in David Cameron criticising those claiming over £20,000 in housing benefits, compared to his own expenses claims for his second home.
  
• Crisis, a national charity for single homeless people, have created a comprehensive, myth-busting press release full of information on how the government are 'peddling myths' to sell the Housing Benefit cuts.
  
• Lenin's Tomb deconstructs a Daily Mail article decrying 75% of Incapacity Benefit claimants as 'fit to work'.
  
• The same article is looked at on This Is My Blog, who looks in depth at 'abandoned claims' and why they might really happen.
  
• Susannah posts a plea for help, describing how the removal of the Mobility Component of DLA from people in residential care will directly affect her brother.
  

(Cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?)

Video Follow-Up

I've had such amazing support since posting the video yesterday. I also wanted to let you know that it has been re-posted at various places.

Mind In Flux posted it on her blog about mental health and disability.

The Broken of Britain is collecting the stories of disabled people in the UK, and has linked to the video.

And it has also been posted on Pickled Politics blog.

I am touched and moved that so many people have contacted me, and commented, in such a supportive way. It was a very scary thing to do, but it also felt very important. Thank you everyone.

Vlog Message to You.

In response to the wonderful words of BendyGirl.



[Edited to add a transcript of the video:

The last few days I've watched the videos from BendyGirl at Benefit Scrounging Scum, and I loved them, I thought they were brilliant. But I never thought it was something I could do, until in her second video she pointed out how important it is for everyone to speak out.

Like many, many people I am frightened by the proposed changes, the cuts, to disability benefits, and what's going to happen to services and the third sector.

The thought of withdrawing mobility rate... the thought of withdrawing the mobility section of DLA for people in care homes is disgusting. The thought that just because somebody was living in a care home, they no longer need to go anywhere, they no longer need mobility equipment, is just obscene.

The changes in housing benefit rules so that people under 35 in private rented accommodation can't get full housing benefit if they live on their own is disgusting.

And limiting ESA to one year, when so many people were fighting against the very principle of ESA at all, and now to have to change that fight to at least, it was perhaps better than nothing, and if people are going to be put on it because they are considered fit to work, even though we know that many, many people who are not fit for work are being put on ESA, the fact that that's now limited to one year, and nobody seems to know what would happen after that.

When we are in a recession, and people – everybody who isn't working is finding it difficult to find jobs, and the strange assumption that the few jobs that there are will go to disabled people, is just not unfortunately how this society works. Disablism means that disabled people are discriminated against every day, and that includes the disabled person who is well enough to work can find it more difficult to find that job because employers are frightened, or don't want to make changes, or don't know what it means.

I'm frightened. And I'm also, like many other people, very confused. I watched the budget on Wednesday, and I was thankfully using twitter at the same time because there were many aspects that I didn't understand, or that I thought I must have misheard. And that there was a group of us all watching and using twitter at the same time made it more accessible to me, I guess.

But there are many unanswered questions. I've heard of people ringing the DWP to say, 'What's this about ESA being stopped after a year?' and the DWP not being able to answer, because they don't know.

The Housing Benefit cuts, I've heard so many different stories about who it's being cut for. So it's not just that the changes are frightening, it's that they're very unclear, and people don't know where they stand.

When I first became ill and went on benefits, I just got Income Support, and it was a horrible time. With paying part of my rent out of that, and with making debt repayments out of that, I had £15 a week for food, and electricity, and transport. For months I lived on... I used to buy these tins of Irish Stew from Kwik Save, and they were disgusting, but they were really cheap, and I figured it was as close to a balanced diet as I could get because it had meat and potatoes in it. And for months, every day, I had one meal a day, and that consisted of Kwik Save Irish Stew and as much bread as I could eat. Every day. For months. I couldn't afford sanitary towels, I couldn't afford shampoo.

I didn't know about other benefits. And someone told me about DLA and I applied for it, and I eventually got it, and it was one of the key... it was key for me, it was vital. Because my health was bad enough anyway, it was vital for me because I could afford to eat more than Irish Stew. I could afford to go to places on the bus. And I'm talking medical appointments. Before that I was missing medical appointments because I couldn't afford to get there. I could get taxis. I could get ready meals when I wasn't well enough to cook.

Getting DLA literally changed everything for me. And makes, still makes, such a difference. It means that I can afford the extra things I need because I'm disabled. Like taxis. Like ready meals when I can't cook. Like mobility aids, and other aids I use. DLA, along with everything, is being threatened. With ATOS taking over the medicals. And after what they've done with the ESA medicals that's frightening, and many people who need DLA are going to lose it.

Everything that is happening since the new government came in is frightening to disabled people. And I'm not a Labour supporter. I know that various important Labour politicians have come out and said that they would be doing what the Conservatives are doing with regard to disability benefits. So I'm not falling into the trap of saying, 'the coalition government is awful, Labour is the answer', because they are... although they are fighting some aspects of the budget, they are supporting the disability benefit cuts.

I feel like I'm being punished for being disabled. The press and the government are doing a really good job at the moment of whipping up hatred, whipping up this image of disabled people being scroungers, of disabled people not really being disabled, and being workshy and lazy. The government and certain parts of the press are promoting this strongly and I can feel, in the atmosphere, that this is affecting people's views. And with the further cuts, this gets worse and worse.

What depresses me is not my illness. What depresses me is not my impairment. What depresses me is how I am treated because of it. That's what makes everything so much harder. We do need to speak out. Because disabled people are being scapegoated and it's horrible. And for non-disabled people, you don't know what's round the corner. I became disabled. Many people become disabled. It could be you in a few years, with no care packages, with no benefits, with no support. With people thinking... with people thinking you're lazy or can't be bothered, or exaggerating. Nobody's immune from disability. And there are some people in the government, the Prime Minister included, who really should know that through their own lives. I am so... I'm frightened, and I want to give a message of hope, but at the moment it's hard to find one.

So I'll agree with BendyGirl that the hope... maybe we have to get hope from each other... from knowing it's not just us, it's not just me that's frightened, it's not just me that's confused, who doesn't know what's happening and what's going to happen.

We're all in this together.]

An Easy Way to Email your MP to Protest Benefit Cuts.

Scope are running a campaign to email your MP to ask them to take action immediately to oppose the cuts to the public services and benefits that many disabled people in the UK use and rely on.

All you have to do is fill in your contact details, then your MP's email address is automatically found and you can read and alter the proposed message before you confirm that you would like it to be sent.

So, email your MP to protest the proposed cuts here.

Cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?.

Threats and Fear.

It's impossible to overstate how terrified some disabled people are, in Britain right now.

The fear of benefit cuts is so high, and so real, and attitudes like those of Nadine Dorries add to the climate of terror.

Already people are scared to leave their house for fear of being reported to the DWP for faking their illness, now those who find networks like twitter to be a lifeline are becoming frightened to post.

If you are stuck in bed, and you've found a way to use your laptop lying down, or you can use a phone or iPad, sites like twitter are perhaps the only way for many to actually communicate with others. It may be the only conversation someone has for a week.

One purpose that these threats serve is, I suspect, to keep us all quiet. We can't complain about the process of reapplying for DLA, or of the ATOS assessments, if the very complaints we type will be used as an additional stick to beat us with. Even if typing those 140 characters used up so much energy that we then had to sleep for an hour to recover. Or hurt our eyes so much that we have a migraine for 3 days.

On days that I can't leave the house, and can't use the phone, the internet is the only tool I have to communicate with the outside world. I don't want to lose that. But the fear affects me as much as anyone, and right now so many of my outlets feel threatening.

This is what the threats to disability benefits are doing to me. It is worsening my madness significantly, which, ironically, will make me less and less able to work, not more.

(cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?)

Being Offensive To Show How Offensive Offensiveness Is

The Press Complaints Commission has upheld Clare Balding's complaint after AA Gill in the Sunday Times referred to her as a 'dyke on a bike'.

This is really good news.

Balding said the word "dyke" was "too often used as a pejorative and insulting term". She said her sexuality was irrelevant to the programme and the hurt had been compounded by the columnist's mock apology for previously saying that she looked "like a big lesbian".

As you might expect, Stonewall has released a press release on the judgement, however it has used offensive and racist language in that press release to make its point.


Using racist language, to highlight how bad homophobic language is, is never the way forward. Holly's post on Oppression Olympics explains this clearly, and insulting Meera Syal and Vanessa Feltz's ethnicities is as offensive as the original AA Gill comment. Doing this in the guise of supporting a decision against offensive language is ridiculous.

I don't want to directly quote the language they used, but the screenshot above of the press release will show you what they said. The 'P' word in particular is one which makes me feel sick. Using it as an example of what The Sunday Times would never have said is misguided at best, and I do wonder what Ben Summerskill was thinking when he thought this was appropriate.

There is an option to comment on the page of Stonewall's press release, and if you too find these references unwise and offensive, I would recommend you do so.

Story originally heard through @becksydee. Photo by me.

(cross-posted at The F Word)

Spam Comments

I've lately started getting a lot of spam comments on my old posts, so I've been deleting them as they come in (Hint to spammers, don't bother writing a convincing looking comment for the context when your username is GenericViagra).

But as the problem is getting worse by the week I have now changed my settings so that comments left after a post has been up for 14 days will have to be moderated. Hopefully this won't be too annoying for regular or legitimate commenters, and it will save me time and energy I could better spend, I dunno, pissing about.

CAB Report on the Coalition Budget 2010

The Citizens Advice Bureau has written a report on Key welfare changes and their impact on low income households.

It makes for very depressing reading, and while it does not look specifically at disability benefits, it reports on the reductions and changes in Housing Benefit, JSA and tax credits, all of which are claimed by many disabled people. For instance,

From 2013/14 any claimant on JSA for more than 12 months will have their HB entitlement cut by 10 per cent. This will continue until they have “left the benefit system and been in work for a while”.
This seems a crude measure as it appears that it will apply even where the tenant is fully complying with their JSA requirements to actively seek work. The cut will fall hardest on those who face disadvantage in the labour market, such as people in poor health or with a disability who have failed the harsher medical tests for incapacity benefit and employment and support allowance, and have therefore been moved onto JSA.

It also explains why changing benefit levels from rising in line with the Retail Prices Index, to the Consumer Prices Index, will result in a reduction in the value of benefits and tax credits.

At the end of the study the report highlights scenarios illustrating the impact of the cuts on specific households, and several of the case studies include the issues of people who are ill or disabled. For instance,

A 50 year old man with mild learning disabilities and literacy issues has done manual work all his life until arthritis in his knees, hips and shoulder forced him to stop work. He has worked and paid contributions all his life until that point. He pays rent of £110/week and council tax of £18/week.
He claimed ESA but was found fit for work, so is now claiming JSA. The number of jobs he will be able to do is severely limited. He also has no access to his own transport and finds public transport very difficult because of the arthritis. His Jobcentre Plus personal adviser finds it difficult to suggest jobs for him. He has been out of work since his arthritis made it impossible to continue in his job two years ago and he has been claiming JSA for a year.
After housing costs he has a disposable income of £65.45 a week (his JSA). After a year as a result of changes in up-rating of JSA and also the LHA rates, his disposable income is likely to drop in real terms to about £64. However he may well also lose a further £8 off his HB as the 30th percentile rate is used to calculate the LHA rate. If he is unable to find a job after a year he will lose a further £10 a week of his HB. If he can not find somewhere cheaper to live he will have a disposable income after housing costs of about £46, a 30% reduction. Even if he can find somewhere cheaper to live, his disposable income will drop to £54, a 17.5% reduction.
If he had been allocated to the work-related activity group for ESA, his income would be £91.30 a week.

(cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?)

Intrusive Questions

in·tru·sive/inˈtro͞osiv/Adjective

1. Making an unwelcome manifestation with disruptive or adverse effect.

2. (of a person) Disturbing another by one's uninvited or unwelcome presence.

Intrusive comments from strangers about my breasts began pretty much as soon as they grew. Intrusive 'are you anorexic?' questions happened when I was slim (and yes, some of that time, I was. Did you really want that answer?). Intrusive comments about my weight are different now, but still intrusive and rude.

But lately, the subject of the vast majority of intrusive questions I get asked are related to being disabled.

Practically every time I go out, someone asks me, "So, what've you done then?" and nods to the crutch. This happens disproportionately in the bus queue, oddly. But can happen anywhere - last week by the guy serving me in Subway, and he didn't even stop there.

I am never quite sure how to answer. In my head I come up with clever and funny stories to answer this question, involving shark attacks and being trampled by donkeys, but in reality these rarely come out of my mouth. I sometimes say, "I had an operation on my leg" which, while true, isn't entirely relevant. For what it's worth, regarding that actual question, I haven't done anything.

I could tell the truth of course, but it's a long, complicated and in depth story, and people wouldn't actually want to hear the whole thing. Not that I'd do this, because it's none of their business. If you are a complete stranger, you are not entitled to my medical history.

Some, like the Subway guy, go further. "What was the operation for?" "What does it feel like?"

Then there's the unsolicited advice that so frequently follows: "My mate had something like that and when he stopped eating *insert random food group here* it got better"; "Have you tried *insert unproven alternative treatment here*?"; "You want to be careful using that stick, you don't want to get reliant on it".

Look, I have a consultant on the case, and she knows a lot about this stuff. You don't. Just drop it.

Think about it this way, if you were waiting in your GP's surgery waiting room, and someone asked you what you were seeing the doctor for, you'd feel that that was an inappropriate and overly intrusive question. It's the same - perhaps worse - at a bus stop, or a sandwich shop, or in the park.

Just like telling me I have big boobs (as if I didn't know) is inappropriate, and telling me to eat less is inappropriate, and telling a slim woman to eat more is inappropriate, so asking a complete stranger about their impairment is also inappropriate.

Sometimes young kids ask me questions, and I don't mind that as much. They mainly want to know if it hurts. Then they get on with whatever they were doing before. Actual friends asking me questions is fine, and actual friends offering me advice based on something they've read can be helpful, because they know what I've already tried and what I'm likely to want to try.

But the man at the sandwich shop and the woman at the bus stop and every other stranger who feels entitled to know, it's not fine. My body is mine, in all its weirdnesses and failings and successes. Some of its details are visible to you, but it's still not ok to just tell me what you think because you can see that I have breasts, a big tummy, a limp, scars or a mobility aid.

It's not benefits that are outrageous, it's the cuts.

The Guardian reports on attacks on people who have been on disability benefits for 10 years or more.

Employment Minister Chris Grayling described the figures as "outrageous" and promised action to get people off benefits and back into work.

There is a shocking lack of acknowledgement or awareness that if someone has been on disability benefits for 10 years are probably pretty ill, have significant impairments, or face massive barriers.

"Thousands of people who have simply been cast aside by a welfare system that does nothing but put them in a queue for benefits and then forgets about them.

"Well those days are over. We will no longer accept a system which writes people off at a drop of the hat and expects the taxpayer to foot the bill."

With statements like that, they appear to be trying to cloak their attacks in the guise of concern for the benefit recipients, but it is a thinly disguised threat where the biggest concern is clearly the 'taxpayers footing the bill'.

It shows a complete lack of comprehension of the reality of the day to day lives of those who have been on long-term sickness benefits, and of why people are in this situation. There are many things the government could do to improve disabled people's lives and, yes, their chances of eventually getting back to work, but cutting off benefits helps no-one.

To put the £4.2 billion in context, we also know that £16 billion worth of benefits go unclaimed every year.

(Cross-posted at Where's the Benefit?)

Not fit for work, not fit for benefits.

Many disabled people are currently terrified of the threats to their benefits, and those with mental health problems are especially scared. The benefit system has always been more geared up towards assessing physical impairment, and the new ESA assessments appear to have reinforced rather than reduced the discrepancy.

Meridian Tonight has reported on the case of Nicola Hobbs, who after years of anorexia applied for a job. However, she failed the health test and so was not given employment. As a result of this she applied for benefit and in this case was found fit for work.

A very confusing situation - judged too ill to work when applying for a job, yet fit for work when applying for benefit. But to add insult to injury, these two opposing judgements were made by the same company - ATOS Healthcare, who do the ESA assessments for the government.

Meridian Tonight has a two minute video covering the story on their website. Worryingly, it is not the first time I have heard of cases exactly like this, with ATOS declaring the same person unfit for work when doing an employment health review, yet fit for work when doing a benefit assessment.

(Cross-posted at the new blog, Where's the Benefit?)

Being Fat

Ten years ago I thought I was fat.

Today, I know I am fat.

Ten years ago, being fat was the worst thing I could ever contemplate.

Today, being fat is fine.

Ten years ago, the word fat was loaded with fear and disgust.

Today, the word fat is a descriptive word only, with no moral judgement.

Ten years ago, the idea of getting fat terrified me.

Today, I don't fear getting fat, because I already am.

Ten years ago, despite being 'underweight', I hated the fat I thought I could see all over my body.

Today, I know there is nothing to fear.

Ten years ago I would have chosen to stay ill rather than take the medications which would help me to get better, but cause massive weight gain.

Today, I take those medications daily.

Ten years ago I thought that fat was the ultimate unhealthy thing I could be.

Today, I know that that anorexia was way more self-destructive, damaging and unhealthy.

Ten years ago, I thought that telling other women how fat I looked, and how awful that was, was normal and ok.

Today, I know that moaning to other women about my body's appearance reinforces the view in all of us that women's bodies should look a certain way.

Ten years ago, the word fat was nothing but an insult.

Today, the word fat is nothing but a descriptive term.

Ten years ago, if someone told me how flattering an outfit was on me, I'd be pleased.

Today, if someone tells me how flattering an outfit is, I know that they really mean it hides the areas they don't consider acceptable.

Essential Reading:

• Reclaiming the Word Fat
  
• Fat is an adjective, not an attack
  
• The words we learn to read; Reclaiming Fat
  
• Rejecting the notion of the flattering outfit
  
• My Big Fat Wish List