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Friday, March 19, 2004

Lose Weight the Anti Psychotic Way!

First of all you need a trip to your GP to procure some antipsychotic drugs. Hearing voices or believing you're the Queen of England can be an effective start.

Once you start taking them, expect to sleep for 16 hours a day with a total inability to wake or form a coherent sentence. After a few months, this may calm down, though on the other hand, it may not.

Olanzapine (Zyprexa) is a common first choice, and if you are lucky enough to be taking this one, you should gain your first few stone pretty damn quickly. Other anti psychotics will have the same effect, though maybe a little more slowly.

Adding an older or tricyclic-type antidepressant to your daily regime will increase both the speed and volume of weight gain. Mirtazapine (Zispin / Remeron) is a particularly effective choice.

Despite the depressing and debilitating side effects, you must remain on antipsychotic medication for 3 or 4 years. Ideally, change your drug periodically for maximum weight gain. My preferred order was Stelazine, or trifluoroperazine first, followed by Olanzapine (Zyprexa), Risperidone (Risperdal) and finally Quetiapine (Seroquel).

Now comes the weight loss bit!!!!

By now you should have gained approximately six stone.

The best medication to be on at this stage is Quetiapine (Seroquel), and here comes the fun bit...

You halve the medication. I did this in October and lost two stone in 5 weeks! A further stone and a half came off over the next 2 months.

Yeah, ok, so my weight loss stopped at 3.5 stone, and yeah ok I'm still several stone heavier than when I started on these scary cocktails, but hell, it makes ya feel good.

Or something.

Ummm...

Ok, ignore the whole thing, yeah?

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Incidentally, this is one of the most accurate descriptions of how it feels to be stuck with psychiatric medications I've ever read! At least make them pretty!!

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