And a Partridge in a Pear Tree...

There's no avoiding the impending hell that is Christmas, and thoughts wander to the Christmas Carols which will soon be being played in town centres the country over, by the always surprisingly good Salvation Army brass bands.

One of the most fun of these - though only when being sung along to - is the one which causes people to joyously pop their head round doors, and interrupt their deep conversations to join in with Fiiiiiiiive go-ooold riiiiiiings. And don't pretend that isn't you.

The National Health Service has now contributed to Christmas jollity and wellbeing with The Twelve STIs of Christmas. STIs being, of course, what we used to call STDs. I'm not sure that Go-ono-reeeeeah will have the same appeal...