Misheard

on tonight's PM.

What they said:
Gloucester councillor, Julie Gurring

What I heard:
Gloucester council are duly grrr-ing.

Last night I heard

"Breaking news, Tony Blair is not going to be charged with..."

and I was devastated. How could they have ruled out war crimes charges so early on? When there is clearly so much we will not know for a long time. You can't rule it out already.

"...any offences over the Cash for Peerages row"

and I was actually relieved! Not that he's got away with anything over Cash for Peerages, but that maybe, just maybe, one day he and Dubya will share a grotty cell for many, many years.

So, Tony Blair is gone.

I was rather joyous at that, but somebody else clearly wasn't...

Bastard of the Day

Phone rape sadist is jailed

A sadistic sex monster from Wigan who sexually assaulted and tortured a woman with a hot iron while filming it on his mobile has been jailed indefinitely.
Matthew John Oldham, 33, must serve at least five years behind bars for his vicious crimes.
He was convicted of wounding with intent and sexual assault following an eight-day trial at Liverpool Crown Court.

On April 19 2006, Oldham met his victim at the Mountain Ash pub, Portway, Wythenshawe. Oldham and the woman, who was 29 at the time, were standing at the back of the pub waiting for a lift to a friend's house when they began to argue.

Oldham then punched and kicked the woman, knocking her to the floor. Once she was on the floor, Oldham began to bite her left eye, leaving her in agony.

The pair were then given a lift to a flat on Kermishaw Nook, Astley, which belonged to another friend where they immediately began to argue again. The court heard that this time Oldham plugged a nearby iron into the mains, saying he was going to burn her.

He then ordered her to strip naked and told her to sit on the floor, which the woman did out of fear. Oldham then picked up the iron and burned the woman's genitals and inner thigh. He then urinated on her, before assaulting her with a sex toy.

During the attack Oldham was also taking photographs of his victim with his mobile phone and continued to punch and kick her.

Over the next few nights Oldham, who used to live in Astley but now has no home address, did not let the victim out of his sight, would not allow her to leave alone and always accompanied her.

On the following Tuesday, Oldham got up early in the morning and left the flat, taking all his belongings. Later that day the victim called an ambulance and she was taken to Hope Hospital.

In August 2006, police were told that Oldham was in hospital in Hull after receiving injuries unconnected to this case. He was then arrested, but denied all allegations.

Det Cons Jackie Hulme, of Leigh CID, said: "This was a sadistic attack which was also extremely degrading and humiliating for the victim.

"Not only did he savagely assault her, but he kept her a virtual prisoner for a number of days. This could only have added to her ordeal.

"I can only applaud the bravery of the victim because it is largely due to her evidence that this extremely dangerous man is now off the streets."

Smokers Welcome!

So, we can no longer smoke in pubs, cafes, *phone boxes* (?!), and numerous other places.

If you want to know those places where we *can* still smoke, check this rather handy site out: www.smokerswelcome.co.uk.

That's my tip of the day.