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Sunday, February 21, 2010

Misery

One of my problems is that I ignore things my body and mind are telling me to such a degree that they have to pretty much knock me on the floor before I pay attention.

I had surgery on my leg last Thursday, and as today there was slightly less pain than yesterday, and as I could walk 3 steps without crutches, I spent a lot of the day determined to be HAPPY dammit. It was only when I found myself sobbing, and this carried on for a good half hour, that I realised how much I'd been kidding myself all day.

Things might be marginally better than yesterday, but I'm still tired, in pain, traumatised by surgery while awake, wondering what on earth is going to happen next, feeling seriously let down and scared.

But when I don't want to see it, I don't see it. Until I'm forced to.

4 comments:

neil h said...

Any surgery is a traumatic experience. You need to listen to what your body is telling you and take as much time as you need to recover. I hope you are feeling better tomorrow!

The Goldfish said...

I'm sorry you feel so low just now. But as Neil says, surgery is physically and emotionally traumatic, and it's going to take a while to catch up. When you're feeling physically stronger - even perhaps after you've had a bit more sleep - then things may well look a lot less frightening than they do just now. Here's hoping. Take care.

Claire said...

Hugs sweetheart.
It takes time to recover from something like this, give yourself a break. Getting better is so frustrating because you just want it to be over with.
As always, let me know if you need anything.
xxxx

incurable hippie said...

Thanks guys. I think you're all right that I need to give myself more leeway and time, and stop expecting myself to be all perfectly fine NOW.

I think I also need to start applying the, 'Well if your friend was in this situation, would you expect them to be unscathed, completely mobile and pain-free by now, and if they weren't, would you judge them as entirely hopeless?' logic. Of course, I wouldn't!