Yesterday upon the stair

I met a man who wasn't there / he wasn't there again today / I wish I wish he'd go away

Hatred, Holiness and Hamsters

A SocietyGuardian article today tells of a CAB report that people with mental illness face widespread discrimination. This comes as no surprise, and the article and the report make depressing and not very surprising reading. On the one hand it's good to have statistics like these to back up arguments and make your point, on the other, of course it would be better if this was never the situation so statistics weren't necessary.

Holy Disorders is also an article well worth reading, comparing "modern" anorexia with the starvation and self injurious behaviours of female saints throughout history. And of course, race training for all mental health staff can only be a good idea. Follow it up with awareness of women's and LGB issues and we might start getting somewhere...

On what was supposed to be a *nicer* point, here are some photos of my hamsters. It was supposed to be a nicer point in a chilled, cute way. In fact it was stressful in a *you can't do tables in html using only instinct* way. I like things to be instinctual, hence being a music- and language-type. In any case, at some point I will actually learn how to do them and re-do the page. For now, hopefully their cuteness will take precedence over the crappy page layout, font, colours etc. etc. etc.

Hmmm...

Burlap, Blogs and Boredom

Billy "Smiles" Evans


I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore. The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us havin' no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you foward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you foward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't foward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that she hopes that you stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach. What kind of wretched person are you that you can't take five lousy minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard. I wish

I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.

Thank You.
Billy 'Smiles' Evans,
The boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.


This is about as good as subverting the perceived power of chain letters as anything I've ever come across! Go, burlap boy!

I want to link to some of my friends' LJs and blogs. There are some Open Diaries too but not sure if they're secret so I won't yet.

Anyway for now I give you...

/drum roll/

faintpraise, Becksydee, Shy_Fae and Snowball.

/applause/

When I get round to it I will add a links section to the right to blogs I like - the best ones tend to be the ones you get to through following links from links and more links. You find a gem and have no idea how you got there.

There are some really impressive photography ones for instance. And very good social and political commentary from all over. And funny stuff too, of course, I'm not totally boring and serious.

Optical Illusions are always good to fill a few minutes of boredom.

Degrees and DJs

I got an Aegrotat Degree. That is the first definition I have ever come across of them. Not that I've especially looked, mainly through the shame / denial of the whole thing.

I shouldn't be ashamed, they say, because not only is it a full degree, but they are very rarely awarded because it is rare that someone's work is at a good enough standard to have guaranteed that they would have passed had they sat the final exams.

Hmmm.

I hate chain letters. I hate chain letters. I received one today and am angry about it. Not the email kind - they're bad enough, but this was a real, paper chain letter, making me feel it has even more power.

Yeah I know it's a stupid piece of paper, but that's not how it feels.

I am currently having a not-so-mentally-healthy reminiscence over Red Rose Rock FM as it used to be called.

Weirdly, it seems that Adele from Big Brother is now a DJ on there.

I remember Mike Toolan but really I was looking for (just worked out his name) Paul Jordan who, according to Digital Spy Forum, dotJournalism, Emap and many others, is now MD of Rock FM, though MediaUK says he is Head of News. I'm guessing that's out of date.

The Digital Spy Forum also mentioned Claire Anderson and Kev Seed, both of whom I remember.

97.4 Red Rose Rock FM from the Rocking Church at St. Pauls Square, to the Tower Of Power at Winter Hill across the Great North West

More rock, less talk

Buy a bike, buy a bike, get down to Charnock Richard Cycles. Buy a bike!

We're rocking the north west!

Charnock Richard cycles doesn't seem to have a website, but it was certainly worth linking to the google search results, as every single link to it seems to mention the ad jingle!

I have no idea where I was intending to go with that, but all that googling has taken me way off the track of whatever it may have been.

Bush, Lush and Personality Disorders

I can't decide whether this Personality Disorders poem is cute or offensive...

The world and the news are too depressing currently to comment on, so I will leave you with my latest poem :))

Lush and Bush

If George W. Bush
Ever visited Lush
I just know he would chill out so much

Poor countries he'd feed
He'd legalise weed
Following the footsteps of the Dutch.

With each bar of soap
He'd increase our hope
For a world with no fighting or war

All fresh and organic
He'd be the mechanic
Of justice, equality for all.

He'd melt in the bath
Enjoying the aftermath
Of all of his spending and giving

With a smile in his eyes
Amidst bubbles he lies
Knowing he just improved someone's living.

So go on, Georgie B,
Buy a bath bomb or three,
And help make the world a nice place

A refreshing quick shower
You'll use all your power
And abolish the nuclear arms race.

by me

Ann Widdecombe - Agony Aunt Extraordinaire

Buck up!

Manchester

I spent yesterday in Manchester with an old friend (in length of time we've been friends, rather than her age) and was quite shocked to see Manchester city centre nowadays.

Lots of glass and such buildings - very modern, whatever that means, striking, and almost certainly built for the 2002 Commonwealth Games which were held there.

I also couldn't help but notice the sheer number of designer and exceedingly expensive shops around. This could have just been representative of the area we spent time in, though we were pretty central which could suggest this is how the whole of the shopping centre is. Selfridges was large and impressive, though almost frightening in prices, and it was not alone amongst an an incredible array of capitalist blatancy.

That's not to say I didn't have fun or indeed indulge in the shopping experience. I left Whittards with Almond Amaretto and Irish Cream flavoured instant coffees, and chocolate milkshake stuff, which I hope will go well with my soya milk supplies.

I also spent a little too much on purty things in Paperchase which is an incredible shop indeed, and I could easily spend a year's wages (if indeed I got wages) in.

I couldn't, however, imagine what Manchester City Centre is like for those souls who live in Manchester but, as will be the case for the majority, don't have the income to do their regular shopping in a centre like this. Sure, I spotted a Mk One and other such bargainous shops, but to be surrounded by such oppressive extravagence and indulgence must be somewhat depressing.

I got the inescapable idea that, in catering for the many visitors which Manchester must get, Commonwealth Games or not, they have perhaps lost sight of their city's residents' needs. It was a fabulous place to visit and see, but if I lived there, with the minimal income I have, I would find going into the city centre a thoroughly depressing experience as it highlighted how little I have and how much some have, the huge gap and unfairness implied within that.

It had been quite a while since I'd visited Manchester, and I would certainly go again, though most likely next time I would avoid the uncomfortable crowds which are so inevitable on Easter Saturday in school holidays.

Incidentally, this must be the first Easter ever when I seem to have managed to not buy a single Easter Egg. Impressive.

Arsenal vs. Man United

I'm sitting here watching the game
And if I'm honest, it's quite lame
Apart from when United scored
Mostly I've just been quite bored.

Finally the game has ended
Feigning interest now suspended
Man United, in the lead,
To the final now succeed.

Arsenal must be quite frustrated
Thoughts of victory all abated.
It's taken over the TV
And is of no interest to me.

Even now the game has finished
Debate and woes are not diminished
They will discuss it now for ages
And fill up all the sports back pages.

Under Attack - Welchia_ICMP_Scan

Each time I come online, norton informs me that there is an attempted intrusion against my machine from welchia_icmp_scan. This message board is one of only two links which result from a google search of welchia_icmp_scan. It doesn't even seem to be listed on the norton / symantec site.

Norton is identifying the culprit as being an easynet site, but I don't know how easily IP addresses can be faked, so I don't know... Though I have reported it to them and asked them to investigate.

I had no idea there would only be 2 links on this worm / attack / whatever, but was kinda relieved to read on this message board that others are having the same problem, though several on there are getting reports that their computer is *causing* the attack, not receiving it, so I'm still fairly lost.

Basically lots of speculation on there, in the absence of hard facts it's all that's available!

I can't help but feel somewhat victimised!

Does anyone have any info about this Welchia_ICMP_Scan attack business? Anyone??

Letters from America, self harm, SSRIs

Radio legend Cooke dies aged 95 is the BBC's report of this surprisingly sad news. I found the Letter from America dull and irritating, but now that Alistair Cooke (which I always thought was spelt Alistair Cook, and it really bugs me to get that kind of thing wrong) has died, I do feel sad. He was an institution really, and I guess it's the end of an era. And the beginning of incessant re-runs of the whole 56 years of letters :-S

Today it was also announced that there is to be an inquiry into self harm in young people in the UK. Apparently more people self harm in the UK than anywhere else in Europe, and women / girls are 7 times more likely to self injure than men / boys.

I think an official inquiry is long overdue and certainly to be welcomed, though I'm already not feeling entirely positive about it, and it was only launched today!

Firstly, their website is very much aimed at "professionals" rather than those of us who do self-harm, and thus have considerably more expertise on the subject. This, and the fact that it seems the panel seems that it will also be mainly made up of professionals, leaves me less than confident that this inquiry and its results and recommendations will be centred around US, those it is talking about!

The other thing I find troublesome about this inquiry is that it, as with every bloody other thing in the world (well, maybe not, but ya know...), is about under 25s. This ubiquitous assumption that on our 25th birthdays we mysteriously and abruptly stop hurting ourselves, stop wanting to attend or join groups, stop caring about certain campaigns, is totally invisiblising (?!) and invalidating to those of us who are (gasp) actually 26 or over.

It is hard enough to counter the myth that all those who self harm are teenagers, the implication being that it is a "phase" to "grow out of", but when the one and only inquiry on the subject in the history of ever, implicitly suggests that, it annoys me immensely.

My own take on self harm (or self injury, or self mutilation, or self abuse, or whichever of the multitude of things people call it) can be found on the PurplePippa website. Saves me ranting even more here ;)

The other big mental health news here in the UK is that doctors are feeling "forced" to prescribe anti-depressants due to a lack of alternatives available. A massive 80% of them feel they are giving out too many SSRIs because not enough help like counselling or therapy is available.

Disgusting situation. Referrals for help can take months or years and this is clearly inappropriate for people in acute crisis, which is when people would be most likely to consult their GP I would imagine. And the ironic (or disturbing?) thing is that if people received immediate support, I believe that in many cases the problems would be resolved fairly quickly, with having had someone to talk to and learn new coping strategies with. As it is, say it takes 2 years for an appointment, by this stage, what was initially a problem of, say, stress at work, or relationship breakdown, could well have become much more serious and long-term, due to having no help (other than not-so-pretty pills) for such a long time while in distress.

So, if money is the motive (which it damn well shouldn't be), see people within 2 weeks of referral, and there would be fewer people needing long-term support or help. I reckon.

Apologies for so much ranting today, just too many issues much too close to my heart.

Blunkett, babies and breasts

Despite its offensive headline, this article on UK Indymedia really takes this country's government to new extremes in weirdness and total, for want of a better word, outrageousness!

He wants to charge people who were wrongly convicted for crimes for their "bed and board" while in prison, as if they hadn't been wrongly convicted and locked up, they'd have been paying for them themselves...

Ok... is it not enough that these people had sometimes many years of freedom taken away from them, with no apology, compensation, anything, but now they are being charged for the privilege!

It is so, so blatantly ridiculous that I can't help but wonder if it's true. But all the indications are that it is... And the fact that the same issue is mentioned in this article suggests it is, sadly, true.

But yeah, using language which is so prejudiced against people with mental health problems can't be condoned.

Mark Thomas, however, can always be relied on to speak the truth ;) Well, he puts it pretty well here, talking about coca-cola, dasani and other such nonsense.

And, for the benefit of all those LIFE and SPUC folk, please read any or more of these 169 articles on how there is NO LINK between abortion and breast cancer. No link, no link, and yep, NO LINK!!

Ok, got that out of my system for now ;)

Google's results for poodle show Tony Bliar's biography now at number three!!!!

I'm wondering why Amazon's motto thing is "And you're done". They've even trademarked it. I don't know about you, but for me, if I say "I've been done" that generally means I've been ripped off...

Since I downloaded the Mouse Clocker tracking programme, my mouse has climbed the Empire State Building a surprising number of times. The only slight problem is that for it to track the distance your mouse moves, you have to run the programme, which I keep forgetting to do. I want it to start automatically. Maybe I'll mess around with the settings .

The world according to the BBC News is a disastrous, devastating place at the moment. I never know whether at some points the world is a worse place to live, or whether you / I just feel it more acutely at some points.

I watched Aimee and Jaguar a few nights ago. I was surprised when googling it to find quite a few negative reviews, as I found it an incredible film. Lesbian love story, Nazi Germany... it could have been corny, cheesy or overly romanticised. Oh no, it was harsh, real and desperate. The fact that Lilly and Felice had such a fucked-up relationship made it, for me, much more absorbing and much more to get into than the more typical falling-in-love without any complications Hollywood versions of such things. I smiled at some parts, sobbed at others, and certainly am glad I saw it.

Friends had said to me "oh it's really depressing, don't watch it until you feel strong in yourself" but I got to the point where firstly I never thought I'd ever feel strong again, and secondly, I realised that if I did, I wouldn't want to depress myself, so I just watched it anyway. And I'd recommend it to others, as long as they don't want a shiny-happy perfect glossy film. Ugh!

Anyway, once again for luck... Poodle

Operation Poodle

Operation Poodle is now in effect... Poodle

Send a Message of Hope to a Child

Send a message of hope to a child in an Australian immigration detention centre.

This is a totally easy and straight forward way to maybe bring a little smile to the face of someone who really, really, really needs one.

I'm going to do it, definitely. So quick and easy, but with a really positive result.

A devastating quote from the site:

The choices of these children are dangerously limited. Take this quote from a 12-year old girl in detention:

‘I am getting crazy, I cut my hand. I can't talk to my mother. I can't talk to anyone and I am very tired. There is no solution for me - I just have to commit suicide - there is no choice.'

With that kind of despair at age 12, it just goes to show how fucked up the system is. And of course it's not just in Australia that it's happening :(

Lose Weight the Anti Psychotic Way!

First of all you need a trip to your GP to procure some antipsychotic drugs. Hearing voices or believing you're the Queen of England can be an effective start.

Once you start taking them, expect to sleep for 16 hours a day with a total inability to wake or form a coherent sentence. After a few months, this may calm down, though on the other hand, it may not.

Olanzapine (Zyprexa) is a common first choice, and if you are lucky enough to be taking this one, you should gain your first few stone pretty damn quickly. Other anti psychotics will have the same effect, though maybe a little more slowly.

Adding an older or tricyclic-type antidepressant to your daily regime will increase both the speed and volume of weight gain. Mirtazapine (Zispin / Remeron) is a particularly effective choice.

Despite the depressing and debilitating side effects, you must remain on antipsychotic medication for 3 or 4 years. Ideally, change your drug periodically for maximum weight gain. My preferred order was Stelazine, or trifluoroperazine first, followed by Olanzapine (Zyprexa), Risperidone (Risperdal) and finally Quetiapine (Seroquel).

Now comes the weight loss bit!!!!

By now you should have gained approximately six stone.

The best medication to be on at this stage is Quetiapine (Seroquel), and here comes the fun bit...

You halve the medication. I did this in October and lost two stone in 5 weeks! A further stone and a half came off over the next 2 months.

Yeah, ok, so my weight loss stopped at 3.5 stone, and yeah ok I'm still several stone heavier than when I started on these scary cocktails, but hell, it makes ya feel good.

Or something.

Ummm...

Ok, ignore the whole thing, yeah?

======

Incidentally, this is one of the most accurate descriptions of how it feels to be stuck with psychiatric medications I've ever read! At least make them pretty!!

Profanity!

Profanity carved into Blair's Commons table was an article I came across which made me laugh almost as much as the homophobic senator's gay son marrying :))

Someone carved, well, a rude comment about Tony Blair into the table he uses in the Commons!!!!!

Furniture polishers saved the day...

Fan-bleedin-tastic!

Bigots, Bastards and Brides

This story gave me a much appreciated opportunity to Ho Ho Ho tonight.

Evil bigot works hard to prevent same sex marriage becoming legal. His son then happily marries his boyfriend. As I said, Ho Ho Ho!

That's not to say I'm the world's greatest supporter of same sex marriage - I'm not. I don't think that aping (apeing?) heterosexuality and its misogynist institutions is the best way forward for the LGB community. However, many want the rights and public commitment associated with marriage and who am I to prevent them?

And who knows, one day I may even be seduced by the idea of it!

Uncle Roy!

i've had jazz fm on for a few hours and they've just played some band music of a band with my great uncle in!!!!

i don't remember him much... i remember you had to keep feeding 2p coins into his tv for it to work. and a rope ladder to get to the attic.

good old uncle roy!

They're shit, they're inaccurate, and they're somehow addictive...

What am I talking about?

Quizzes like these...

You are Woodstock!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Don't worry, I won't annoyingly fill my blog with them, but sometimes you just have to share ;)

Abortion

We were looking round the Roman Catholic cathedral last week and I picked up a leaflet by Life (read: scary anti-abortionists) about Abortion and Rape.

I knew it would infuriate me and make me seethe, and indeed it did. They basically say that if you get pregnant after rape (which they say is very unlikely) then having an abortion will be more traumatic for you than carrying for 9 months and giving birth to a child whose biological father (read: bastard from hell) kinda ruined your life.

Sick fuckers.

Also, they go along with what SPUC used to brainwash us with at school... don't punish the child for its father's sins. Yeah that's all very well but what about its mother????

Incidentally, don't click on either of those links for fear of being disgusted by these people's sheer hatred of women.