Quiet Just Now

Moving inactive blogs from cluttering up the sidebar to this post.

Be Reasonable

Domestic Violence Memorial (UK)

Lara Barrett - Photography

Inspire Me Thursday

Mixed Media Memoirs

The Tarot Deck Creation Collective

Museum of Left-Wing Lunacy

Run Over By The Truth

Survivor Worker

This Thing You Call Love

75 degrees South

The Accidental Artist (1)

Anonyrrie

Artful Journey

Artwork Anonymous

Blogs That Flickr - Photolog

Boules de Neige

The Camel Exchange

Crafty Metallyptica

INKEDblog

*International Charm Exchange*

Adventures in Ethical Consumerism

Doing the Right Thing

HippyShopper

Supermarket Sweep Up

God Speak

Take Your Medicine

Chasing Daisy

Le Google Bomb Taking on the Far Right

The GoogleBomb Project

Infected Papercut

Meta Kate

perfect.co.uk Rational Dissent in an Imperfect World

Sheffield PhlickrBlog

Anonymous Work Blogs

ani mechapesset a'vodah

Loquacious of Blog

Love & Rage - a sane response in an insane world

saesnes, apparently

Undecidedly So

Welcome to the Monkeyhouse

Yehovah Yireh (new)

Amateur Blog

- - - ~Washington City Paper BackPage

- - - ~City Link Florida

wacky neighbour

The Progressive Blog Alliance

The Adventures of a Snowball in Hell

CustardSpies

Weird or Wise?

Loopy Ex-Student

Is That All There Is?

godhatesgod.com (1)

Zazzafooky

Be The Jam (1)

Diary of a Refused Asylum Seeker

Anti-Pornography Activist

Because Sometimes Feminists Aren't Nice

Blog of Feminist Activism (1)

brand new feminist (1)

Dead Men Don't Rape

Den of the Biting Beaver

Fate is Chance. Destiny is Choice (1)

FeminisTIC

Feminist Reprise (1)

Feminist, Unmodified

Fluffy Woman

Grrrlcott

Holla Back UK

I'm Not a Feminist, But...

The Jerk List

Linguistic Concerns

Mad Sheila's Musings

Mind the Gap, Cardiff (1)

Ms Violet's Musings

Opinionated Lesbian

The Opuscular Outpost

The other world of the Dynamite Lady

ReSISTERance

Trollbuster

Wall of Shame

J a v a J i v e Photography from Indonesia (1)

The Other World of the Dynamite Lady

The World of the Dynamite Lady

A Speakout on Male Violence (2)

Stick It!

A Stormy Blog

The Tree Remembers

la somnambule

The Shouty Woman

SaraFenix

radical quaker activist grrl

Angry and Queer

ruining it by talking

City Hippy

Speakout on Male Sexual Violence (1)

Witchy Woo

When Ukuleles and Charity Combine.

Buy this t-shirt in the colour and style of your choice!.

Ukuleles are cool. If you were in any doubt, just watch this:



If you don't play the ukulele then you clearly should, and probably know other people who do. In this case then both you and they, and everyone you know, should read on.

From 17th June until the 31st July 2009, every sale of this t-shirt will result in a £2 donation to Cancer Research UK.

This is to celebrate the London Uke Festival which takes place on June 20th in London.

So remember, every time anyone buys a Ukulele Hero t-shirt between now and the end of July, £2 will be donated to Cancer Research UK.

Buy one now from the link below! Or buy 5 and give them to friends. Then spread the word by passing on this URL: http://bit.ly/kRVPV

Buy this t-shirt in the colour and style of your choice!.

Racism Against Your Own Children?

I know, I know, going on the Daily Mail website is never a good idea. But for some reason I did.

I was (duly) horrified by this story, about a white couple who had IVF and due to a mix-up had mixed race children, one of whom apparently has noticeably darker skin than the rest of them.

Now, clearly this isn't ideal, it is concerning that such mix-ups can occur, and the couple, who wanted to keep their IVF a secret for some reason, are feeling now that this secret might be revealed.

However, this poor child is suffering from what, I fear, is an element of racism from his parents. He apparently asks his Dad at night 'Why am I brown? How can I make myself lighter, like you?'

This must be hard for them to hear, but there is a clear reason why he is not happy in his own skin.

Because of his colour,

the Williamses are suing the Belfast Health and Social Care Trust (formerly the Royal Group of Hospitals Trust) for damages for their mental distress, social discredit and breach of contract under the Supply of Goods and Services Act 1982.

They consider that their black son is a 'social discredit' to them, his skin colour causes them mental distress, and I'm not sure whether he'd have been consider goods or services when he was 'supplied'.

His father says:

'I felt very angry and betrayed,' he says. 'We'd placed all our trust in the hospital and one person's mistake had ruined all our futures.

He also says:

'It's not so bad when we all go away on holiday, but at home I've given up picking up my son from school and we don't go out as a family any more.

How can this boy have a chance of having any kind of positive self-image, or appreciation of his heritage, with his parents openly suing the hospital, refusing to pick him up from school or take him out anywhere, all because of the colour of his skin?

It's no wonder he wants to whiten his skin.

Sheffield Anti-BNP Demo. 8th June 2009.

An urgent demonstration was called yesterday in response to the election of two British National Party MEPs, one in the Yorkshire and Humber region.





Many gathered outside Sheffield Town Hall to hear speakers, watch drummers and express their disgust and discontent at racists gaining power.



It was a heartening event with a good turnout and a positive atmosphere.



You can see all the photos of the event here and the best of the photos here. There is also an Indymedia article up too.

Don't Vote BNP #2

Vote tomorrow, for anyone BUT the BNP

Vote. And not for the BNP

Vote tomorrow, for anyone BUT the BNP.

BADD Post #3

Today is Blogging Against Disablism Day 2009 (you knew that already, right?). I wrote post #1, Creative Protest against Disablism, and post #2, about Access to Healthcare for disabled people.

Some of my favourite posts from the day so far are:

• Piss On Pity
  
• Don't Assume
  
• "Mainstream" Schooling and Disablism
  
• Psychophobia 201
  
• Ableism and a Watershed Experience
  
• When My Disability Is Invisible
  
• No, I'm Spasticus
  
• A living, learning experience
  
• Well-Meaning Insults
  
• The pill that retains my humanity
  
• I Like a Good Fight
  
• Queers United
  
• Street Harassment Edition
  

Access to Healthcare: Blogging Against Disablism Day 2009

Well, it's that time of year again when we blog against disablism. It's such a massive topic that it is very difficult to know what to say, what to write about.

I want to talk about disablism within healthcare. It is a huge subject, and there are many issues, and I can't cover them all in this one post.

I will begin with the very funny, and worryingly apt, Code of Ethical Behaviour for Patients

DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

The reality is that many disabled people receive inadequate medical care. People with mental health problems can have huge problems getting physical problems to be taken seriously. People with physical impairments can find that any other symptoms or illnesses they have are dismissed. People with multiple impairments can be written off as hypochondriacs.

Perhaps doctors consider that if you are already in pain with one problem, then additional, unconnected pain is not that important. Certainly, many doctors feel that if you experience madness then surely a physical symptom is all in the mind. I've lost count of the number of times that I have been told that something treatable I'm experiencing will *not* be treated, 'because you already take a lot of tablets'. When I vomited every day for 10 months, I was never sent for tests because it was 'bound to be anxiety'. Medication side-effects are not taken seriously - serious though they may well be.

The result is that disabled people suffer more than we need to. Health is neglected, and further problems result. We may not be straight-forward patients, we may cause the doctor to need to work a bit harder, but that's not an unreasonable expectation, surely. It is their job.

Being listened to, being taken seriously, being treated well, are all things which everyone should be entitled to, and which everyone should receive.

In the news recently was harrowing accounts of neglect of learning disabled people who were supposed to be receiving healthcare:

There was a man, Martin Ryan, who starved to death after not being fed for 26 days while in hospital. Five other people's care was also slammed.

The British Medical Journal states that:

One year after its damning report into the delivery of health care to disabled people, the Disability Rights Commission, the statutory watchdog organisation for people with disabilities in England, Wales, and Scotland, says in a new report that little has changed to bridge the gap in health care.

The Disability Rights Commission report:

An investigation into healthcare given to people with mental health problems and learning disabilities shows they often get worse treatment than others.

The Disability Rights Commission (DRC) - which examined eight million health records - says the government could face legal action unless things change.

The study concentrated on primary care in England and Wales, which will soon fall under new equality laws.

The government says it has already started acting on the report.

The 18-month investigation shows that people with learning disabilities and mental health problems are more likely to have a major illness, to develop a serious health condition younger and to die sooner than the rest of the population.

Such people were less likely to have routine tests and screening to pick up signs of a problem in its early stages.

'Lazy fatalism'

The DRC also found that people with learning disabilities and mental health problems face "real barriers" when accessing services.

"The acid test of a national health service is not whether it works for those who are generally healthy, but whether it benefits those with the greatest risk," said DRC chairman, Bert Massie.

He said that the response from the government and the NHS was "deeply inadequate", a situation which was made worse by "a dangerously complacent attitude and a lazy fatalism" on the part of the medical profession.

"This is completely unacceptable - we need to see a radical change in the commissioning, targeting and delivery of health services in order to close this gap quickly."

The British Medical Association (BMA) has described the findings as "extremely worrying".

"As doctors, we believe it is unacceptable for the healthcare needs of this group of people to be ignored," said Dr Sam Everington, who co-chairs the BMA's equal opportunities committee.

He said the report would be discussed by GPs at the BMA in the near future.

The Department of Health said it would be working with the DRC to develop a full response to the investigation.

Mental health charity Sane said it was "disturbing" that people with mental illnesses were at greatest risk of becoming physically ill through neglect.

The charity's Marjorie Wallace called for a "new drive amongst all health professionals to ensure that each time a person with mental illness receives medical help, they are given a physical health check".

Eight million records

The investigation spoke to senior health professionals, policy makers and disabled people themselves.

Researchers analysed eight million health records in three primary care trusts (PCTs) in England and one local health board in Wales.

The DRC says that in spite of increased needs of these two groups, important checks are provided less often.

For example, people with learning disabilities who have diabetes have fewer measurements of their body mass index, while those who have had a stroke have fewer blood pressure checks.

The investigation identified a problem known as "diagnostic overshadowing" - where symptoms of physical ill health are often seen as part of a patient's mental health problem or learning disability and are not properly investigated or treated.

More than 50% of people who spoke to researchers said they experienced difficulties when trying to see their GP.

They identified the attitude of reception staff, inflexible appointments and inaccessible information as being some of the causes.

A few said they were not registered with a family doctor or had been struck off the list for being too demanding.

The report did identify areas of good practice but the DRC says services are frequently working in isolation and initiatives developed by specialists have not become part of the mainstream.

The government is being urged to put in place a number of improvements to "close the gap".

"We agree with the broad thrust of the DRC's recommendations and have already started to act," said health minister Rosie Winterton.

She said £7m had been made available to almost 90 PCTs to employ "wellbeing nurses" to help mental health patients.

The department has also allocated £42m to PCTs to help them to implement further measures to improve the care of people with learning disabilities.

This is not theoretical, this is actually happening, and I witness or experience it myself, all too often.

If disabled people are to ever have equal access to society, we need equal access to good healthcare.

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Please see also my other Blogging Against Disablism Day post, over on my photography blog, where you can see various empowering disability rights designs I have created.

BADD

Blogging Against Disablism Day is coming up. Watch this space on May 1st.

Atheist Aggression

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Technorati tags: [tagname]; [tagname]; incurable_hippie; [tagname].

Hillsborough

It is 20 years since the Hillsborough Disaster, and I remember it vividly. I was 11 and it was talked about for weeks. One boy, Tony Bland, was used as an example in Religious Education for years, against withdrawing treatment to some medical patients.

It was horrific, and now I live in the city it happened in. I've just listened to this radio programme, and there is a sense in the air here of what happened.

Until they get justice, I can understand why people can't even grieve properly.

Thinking of the 96.

Debunking Nonsense.

There is a whole new section in my 'blog links' to the right, which is, for now, somewhat clunkily called Religulous / Bad Science. It's probably self-explanatory!

• American Atheists


• Atheist Revolution


• Bad Science


• Bad Science @ The Guardian


• butterfliesandwheels


• Debunking Christianity


• denialism


• Friendly Atheist


• Good Math, Bad Math


• Hokum-Balderdash Assay


• Infidel Guy


• It Ain't Necessarily So...


• The Jaded Skeptic


• Letting Off Steam


• Minister Turns Atheist


• Pharyngula


• The Quackometer


• Randi


• Respectful Insolence


• The Sceptical Preacher


• Secular Left


• The Skepbitch
  
• Skepchick


• Skeptico


• Skeptobot


• STARDUST MUSINGS AND THOUGHTS FOR THE FREETHINKER


• Suburban Panic!


• Unscrewing the Inscrutible

It's a shame that Be Reasonable is inactive, because it looked like they had some good stuff going on. Similarly, What if you took the Bible literally. Anyway, enjoy!

New Links

Some blogs I have added to the right sidebar recently:


• Too much to say for myself
  
• Sheffield blog
  
• River Wired
  
• Cheap Charity
• Eco Worriers
• Cake Wrecks
  
• Photoshop Disasters
• PostSecret France
• spEak You’re bRanes

Some bizarre search terms which have found hippie blog lately:

• Hell blog porn webring net index
  
• Peter Sutcliffe menstruation

I have mentioned Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper, and quite a few times written about menstruation, but what on earth connects the two??!

Animal Farm and Britcit.

This afternoon I read Animal Farm.

I had read it as a child, but didn't really understand the hidden meanings, so when I won an award where it was offered as one of the bribes prizes, I chose it.

I got it because I had left the most comments on the new blog, Britcit, which is written by someone whose writing and politics I have long enjoyed online.

It is a blog about UK citizenship in the 21st century and covers a lot of issues, many focussed on areas of civil liberties, ID cards, privacy issues etc.

There will be regular community bribes, so I recommend you get over there now and start reading and commenting. And not just because of the goodies, but because it's great, too.

Promises and Trust, Words and Linguistics

Following my previous post, I very much appreciated metal sunflower's response:

This is an open letter, and if I thought that it would be welcome, I’d have started it with the words “Dear Incurable Hippy”. But if I’m angry with people, the last thing I want is for them to be civil without saying anything helpful. So I’m not going to do it here.

What I would like to say is that the Sheffield Fems as a group have been wrong, and have done wrong, and that I, personally, have done wrong. And for all of that, I am sorry.

I don’t want to try to offer any glib explanations.

I have been wrong. I haven’t done enough. I saw your post last time you publicly showed how angry you were. I saw it and brought it up at a meeting and asked that something be done about it. I didn’t follow up on it. I should have done. I should have kept asking, and kept looking for different venues, and kept insisting that we did something about the pub, and I didn’t do any of those things. I don’t hold the Sheffield Fems email account, and I used that as an excuse to distance myself from it, and from you.

I am very, very sorry.

As of yet, we haven’t had to pay for the use of the room in the University Arms. But that doesn’t make it right. I can’t - and wouldn’t - argue with any other point you make. You’re right. And it’s my fault as much as - if not more so - than anybody else. Because I was the one who first saw the post you wrote last time, and I didn’t do enough for you.

Although I can see that by now, it’s unlikely you’d ever want to associate with me (or with the fems in general), I would like to promise you that this time, I won’t let it rest. As I should have done the first time, I consider myself warned. I am ashamed of myself.

I have been ablist. You’d think I’d know better. I will try my hardest to make up for that, and make sure that I don’t do it again.

I hope you can accept this as a sincere apology, but I understand if you can’t. Either way, and regardless of whether we ever meet (although I hope that we do, one day), I wish you well.

I appreciate her sincerity and determination, however belated. In the most recent Sheffield Fems minutes, they say,

2. We're having another crack at looking into moving the meetings. Any suggestions more than welcome... we need somewhere with a private room we can book long term, that's accessible by all, is central and is free/ really really cheep! This is a difficult list of requirement to meet so please suggestions!!!

It's certainly less enthusiastic, but hopefully there is determination which is not shining through!

When I thanked metal sunflower for her acknowledgement and apology, I did so because I was genuinely moved by her post, and I was appreciative of it. I also felt vulnerable - did I dare believe they'd sort this out? Did I dare thank them in advance?

I really, really hope that a premature gratitude doesn't make me look a fool. I want them to sort this out for other women to be able to join them, should they want to. I want my words and experiences to have got through. I really, really hope they sort this out with the urgency it deserves.

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In other news, because of the snow I am tempted to remain in my latibule during my succisive hours, to avoid labascating on the ice and requiring an odynometer.

Thankfully I am not too much of a philargyrist, during this credit crunch, though I could do with a few quid I have to admit. I wonder if pound coins are plenispheres? In any case, I don't addecimate, which must save me a few bob, though doubtless provokes theomeny. And no amount of veteratorian pleas from the numerous charities who are writing to me at the moment will allow me to give them any more.

I wonder if the current economic situation is essomenic, or whether it will improve, or indeed worsen?

In penarious matters, I could do with stocking up, certainly. I won't be behaving pamphagously unless I do. I am not nequient in cooking, so can rustle up a nice meal, but fresh ingredients would be a bonus. Let's hope there is no hirculation or other pomarious problems when I need to buy fruit. Ruriculous people may be able to advise.

I keep meaning to do an ipsographic podcast for this blog, but haven't done it yet. I do hope this is not boreism.

You, too, should save the words.

Sheffield Fems and Inaccessibility

Last November I wrote a post about my local 'feminist' group and their meetings being held upstairs in a building without a lift.

I was told that they had discussed the issues but didn't want to meet somewhere that would alienate non-students. Other than that, I have seen the agenda and minutes for each subsequent meeting, and it has not been mentioned.

They also wrote a post on their blog about it. The post is copied below, and my comments are in bold italic

We are still trying to find a new place to meet that has disabled access. Currently we meet upstairs in the University Arms which has no disabled access at all, although we keep being told they are working on it! (Personally I think they need a good kick up the arse on this because they’re been saying that for a while now and nothing has changed!!!)

Is it the pub that needs a kick up the arse? Or the customers who continue to use it?

However there are certain limitation on where we can meet as well…

A lot places charge to book rooms which we just can’t afford! Any fundrising we do we want to be using for campaigns and charities not just on booking a room (and some of them are really expensive)

They are now paying to use the inaccessible room, which makes me wonder about the above point.

It has been suggested several times that we use the Student’s Union building. We are a university group so would be entitled to book rooms, but we are also open to none student and the union building is not open to the public in the evenings (it is possible to sign people in) and we don’t want to alienate none students either! There maybe the possibility of booking Coffee Revolution, but this again does require that it ‘makes money’ and if that means that we have to guarantee a certain amount of sales this could be a problem (I’m going to investigate this)

It is possible for non-students to be signed in. It is not possible for people who can't climb stairs to climb stairs. Who's being alienated?

So we need to find somewhere free, but we would also, ideally like to find somewhere with a more relaxed atmosphere as we have found that this results in more welcoming and relaxed meetings, which is important to us. Particularly when we have new members or are discussing sensitive issues we have found that atmosphere is important and sterile meetings rooms can be rather intimidating. Equally we do need a private room. For a while we met in the downstairs bar area of the University Arms and found that we weren’t able to have open discussions and debate or even hear each other half the time!

How great is an excluding, exclusive atmosphere? How relaxed is that?

This is an issue that is discussed fairly regularly in meetings but one we are yet to resolve! Trying to find the balance of a venue that is accesible and welcoming to all and will not take all our money is really not as easy as it should be. Please let us know if you have suggestions either through the website or through email (I shall apologies in a advance if I forget to the reply to emails, I have a mind like a sieve! I do read all the emails and all points are taken on board, but sometimes I forget to reply. *Sorry*) and feel free to contact the University Arms and tell them to hurry up with the disabled access!

I don't know whether to be reassured that it is discussed regularly. It is virtually never on the agenda or in the minutes. What does that say about the discussion? And if it's discussed that regularly, why hasn't something been done?

You can't put all the blame on the venue you choose to use. You choose to use it!

I am beyond being diplomatic about this. I think it's shit, frankly.

And then tonight I got an email from them with the following sentence in it:

We talked extensively about the pros and cons of all the suggestions made and tried to find the most inclusive solution that meets the needs of as many as possible

Sounds promising? Nope. They're talking about men. You've got to be inclusive of non-students (of which I am one), and men. But disabled women, nope. No hope.

Hippie Januaries

In January 2005, I was writing about Jesus drawings, poverty and diet and Jodie Foster.

In January 2006, I was writing about the Radio 4 UK theme, Charles Kennedy, the good and (mainly) bad of therapy, how to get to Amarillo, sex offenders and incapacity benefit.

In January 2007, I was writing about night photography, the US bombing Somalia, abortion, movement photography, and you heard my voice.

And in January 2008, I was writing about creative protest by shopdropping, a terminally ill woman deported, astrology, and the awful treatment of rape victims.

How People Find Hippie Blog

It's always interesting to see, through referral stats, how people find this blog. Links from other blogs, and links from blog-related stuff is quite common, but the google searches that people do, and find me, are sometimes quite intriguing.

I get a ridiculous number of hits through people searching for anal bleaching, for verruca cures, and for how to give used stamps for charity, amongst other things.

Today's intriguing in-link is that I am #1 in the search results for give me a fuckin idea to eat in ipswich. And the post that gives me that top spot? Oh yes, the murder of prostituted women in Ipswich. Go figure.

Better Than Vista

As a long-suffering user of Bloody Vista, this actually did make me laugh out loud.

Taking Liberties

I have just watched the film Taking Liberties, which you can see for free at moviesfoundonline.com. If you haven't seen it yet, then you really, really must.

"Right to Protest, Right to Freedom of Speech. Right to Privacy. Right not to be detained without charge, Innocent Until Proven Guilty. Prohibition from Torture. TAKING LIBERTIES will reveal how these six central pillars of liberty have been systematically destroyed by New Labour, and the freedoms of the British people stolen from under their noses amidst a climate of fear created by the media and government itself."

It features Walter Wolfgang (the 83 year old man who was arrested under the terrorism act for shouting, 'Nonsense!' at the Labour Party Conference), Brian Haw, Mark Thomas, Maya and Milan, Sylvia and Helen, Mouloud Sihali, Shami Chakrabarti, and many, many more inspiring people who protest loudly against the shocking and frightening attacks on our civil liberties in the name of anti-terrorism.

There are very apt archive clips brilliantly juxtaposed with people speaking about the current situation in Britain, and perfectly chosen music.

The official website for the film is noliberties.com, and perhaps most importantly, it has a fairly well-stocked What You Can Do page.

I found that the film contains stuff I already knew, but perhaps needing reminding of, as well as things I had no idea about, for instance that the prisoners held in Guantamano Bay represent just 4% of the people that America is detaining in secret all over the world.

It consolidates a lot of facts in a way that brings it all together in a comprehensive and, frankly, terrifying way.

Watch it now. Then join Liberty and Amnesty. Then protest. If you dare.

Starhawk on Israel / Palestine

I, like many, have been seriously disturbed by the events in Palestine the last few days. The bombings and attacks seem not only endless, but so vicious and counter-productive that it leaves me despairing for the world.

I just received this beautiful writing from Starhawk, and was so glad, when I got to the end of it, that she encouraged sharing it, because I was desperate to do so!

Dear friends,

All day I’ve been thinking about Gaza, listening to reports on NPR, following the news on the internet when I can spare a moment. I’ve been thinking about the friends I made there four years ago, and wondering how they are faring, and imagining their terror as the bombs fall on that giant, open-air prison.

The Israeli ambassador speaks movingly of the terror felt by Israeli children as Hamas rockets explode in the night. I agree with him—that no child should have her sleep menaced by rocket fire, or wake in the night fearing death.

But I can’t help but remember one night on the Rafah border, sleeping in a house close to the line, watching the children dive for cover as bullets thudded into the walls. There was a shell-hole in the back room they liked to jump through into the garden, which at that time still held fruit trees and chickens. Their mother fed me eggs, and their grandmother stuffed oranges into my pockets with the shy pride every gardener shares.

That house is gone, now, along with all of its neighbors. Those children wake in the night, every night of their lives, in terror. I don’t know if they have survived the hunger, the lack of medical supplies, the bombs. I only know that they are children, too.

I’ve ridden on busses in Israel. I understand that gnawing fear, the squirrely feeling in the pit or your stomach, how you eye your fellow passengers wondering if any of them are too thick around the middle. Could that portly fellow be wearing a suicide belt, or just too many late night snacks of hummus? That’s no way to live.

But I’ve also walked the pock-marked streets of Rafah, where every house bears the scars of Israeli snipers, where tanks prowled the border every night, where children played in the rubble, sometimes under fire, and this was all four years ago, when things were much, much better there.

And I just don’t get it. I mean, I get why suicide bombs and homemade rockets that kill innocent civilians are wrong. I just don’t get why bombs from F16s that kill far more innocent civilians are right. Why a kid from the ghetto who shoots a cop is a criminal, but a pilot who bombs a police station from the air is a hero.

Is it a distance thing? Does the air or the altitude confer a purifying effect? Or is it a matter of scale? Individual murder is vile, but mass murder, carried out by a state as an aspect of national policy, that’s a fine and noble thing?

I don’t get how my own people can be doing this. Or rather, I do get it. I am a Jew, by birth and upbringing, born six years after the Holocaust ended, raised on the myth and hope of Israel. The myth goes like this:

“For two thousand years we wandered in exile, homeless and persecuted, nearly destroyed utterly by the Nazis. But out of that suffering was born one good thing—the homeland that we have come back to, our own land at last, where we can be safe, and proud, and strong.”

That’s a powerful story, a moving story. There’s only one problem with it—it leaves the Palestinians out. It has to leave them out, for if we were to admit that the homeland belonged to another people, well, that spoils the story.

The result is a kind of psychic blind spot where the Palestinians are concerned. If you are truly invested in Israel as the Jewish homeland, the Jewish state, then you can’t let the Palestinians be real to you. It’s like you can’t really focus on them. Golda Meir said, “The Palestinians, who are they? They don’t exist.” We hear, “There is no partner for peace,” “There is no one to talk to.”

And so Israel, a modern state with high standards of hygiene, a state rooted in a religion that requires washing your hands before you eat and regular, ritual baths, builds settlements that don’t bother to construct sewage treatment plants. They just dump raw sewage onto the Palestinian fields across the fence, somewhat like a spaceship ejecting its wastes into the void. I am truly not making this up—I’ve seen it, smelled it, and it’s a known though shameful fact. But if the Palestinians aren’t really real—who are they? They don’t exist!—then the land they inhabit becomes a kind of void in the psyche, and it isn’t really real, either. At times, in those border villages, walking the fencelines of settlements, you feel like you have slipped into a science fiction movie, where parallel universes exist in the same space, but in different strands of reality, that never touch.

When I was on the West Bank, during Israeli incursions the Israeli military would often take over a Palestinian house to billet their soldiers. Many times, they would simply lock the family who owned it into one room, and keep them there, sometimes for hours, sometimes for days—parents, grandparents, kids and all. I’ve sat with a family, singing to the children while soldiers trashed their house, and I’ve been detained by a group of soldiers playing cards in the kitchen with a family locked in the other room. (I got out of that one—but that’s another story.)

It’s a kind of uneasy feeling, having something locked away in a room in your house that you can’t look at. Ever caught a mouse in a glue trap? And you can’t bear to watch it suffer, so you leave the room and close the door and don’t come back until it’s really, really dead.

Like a horrific fractal, the locked room repeats on different scales. The Israelis have built a wall to lock away the West Bank. And Gaza itself is one huge, locked room. Close the borders, keep food and medical supplies and necessities from getting through, and perhaps they will just quietly fade out of existence and stop spoiling our story.

“All we want is a return to calm,” the Israeli ambassador says. “All we want is peace.”

One way to get peace is to exterminate what threatens you. In fact, that may be the prime directive of the last few thousand years.

But attempts to exterminate pests breed resistance, whether you’re dealing with insects or bacteria or people. The more insecticides you pour on a field, the more pests you have to deal with—because insecticides are always more potent at killing the beneficial bugs than the pesky ones.

The harshness, the crackdowns, the border closings, the checkpoints, the assassinations, the incursions, the building of settlements deep into Palestinian territory, all the daily frustrations and humiliations of occupation, have been breeding the conditions for Hamas, or something like it, to thrive. If Israel truly wants peace, there’s a more subtle, a more intelligent and more effective strategy to pursue than simply trying to kill the enemy and anyone else who happens to be in the vicinity.

It’s this—instead of killing what threatens you, feed what you want to grow. Consider in what conditions peace can thrive, and create them, just as you would prepare the bed for the crops you want to plant. Find those among your opponents who also want peace, and support them. Make alliances. Offer your enemies incentives to change, and reward your friends.

Of course, to follow such a strategy, you must actually see and know your enemy. If they are nothing to you but cartoon characters of terrorists, you will not be able to tell one from another, to discern the religious fanatic from the guy muttering under his breath, “F-ing Hammas, they closed the cinema again!”

And you must be willing to give something up. No one gets peace if your basic bargaining position is, “I get everything I want, and you eat my shit.” You might get a temporary victory, but it will never be a peaceful one.

To know and see the enemy, you must let them into the story. They must become real to you, nuanced, distinctive as individuals.

But when we let the Palestinians into the story, it changes. Oh, how painfully it changes! For there is no way to tell a new story, one that includes both peoples of the land, without starting like this:

“In our yearning for a homeland, in our attempts as a threatened and traumatized people to find safety and power, we have done a great wrong to another people, and now we must atone.”

Just try saying it. If you, like me, were raised on that other story, just try this one out. Say it three times. It hurts, yes, but it might also bring a great, liberating sense of relief with it.

And if you’re not Jewish, if you’re American, if you’re white, if you’re German, if you’re a thousand other things, really, if you’re a human being, there’s probably some version of that story that is true for you.

Out of our own great need and fear and pain, we have often done great harm, and we are called to atone. To atone is to be at one—to stop drawing a circle that includes our tribe and excludes the other, and start drawing a larger circle that takes everyone in.

How do we atone? Open your eyes. Look into the face of the enemy, and see a human being, flawed, distinct, unique and precious. Stop killing. Start talking. Compost the shit and the rot and feed the olive trees.

Act. Cross the line. There are Israelis who do it all the time, joining with Palestinians on the West Bank to protest the wall, watching at checkpoints, refusing to serve in the occupying army, standing for peace. Thousands have demonstrated this week in Tel Aviv.

There are Palestinians who advocate nonviolent resistance, who have organized their villages to protest the wall, who face tear gas, beatings, arrests, rubber bullets and real bullets to make their stand.

There are internationals who have put themselves on the line—like the boatload of human rights activists, journalists and doctors on board the Dignity, the ship from the Free Gaza movement that was rammed and fired on by the Israeli navy yesterday as it attempted to reach Gaza with humanitarian aid.

Maybe we can’t all do that. But we can all write a letter, make a phone call, send an email. We can make the Palestinian people visible to us, and to the world. When we do so, we make a world that is safer for every child.

Below is a good summary of some of the actions we can take.

Please feel free to repost this. In fact, send it to someone you think will disagree with it.
Starhawk

starhawk.org

Updated Action Alert on Gaza:
We Need "Sustained, Determined Political Action"December 29, 2008

As of this writing, a third consecutive day of Israeli attacks on the Gaza Strip have killed an estimated 315 Palestinians and injured more than 1,400. According to the UN, at least 51 of the victims were civilians and 8 were children. Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak has vowed ominously "a war to the bitter end."

Israel's attacks on the Gaza Strip are being carried out with F16 fighter jets, Apache helicopters, and naval gunboats all given to Israel by the United States with our tax dollars.

From 2001-2006, the United States transferred to Israel more than $200 million worth of spare parts to fly its fleet of F16's and more than $100 million worth of helicopter spare parts for its fleet of Apaches. In July 2008, the United States gave Israel 186 million gallons of JP-8 aviation jet fuel and signed a contract to transfer an addition $1.9 billion worth of littoral combat ships to the Israeli navy. Last year, the United States signed a $1.3 billion contract with Raytheon to transfer to Israel thousands of TOW, Hellfire, and "bunker buster" missiles.

Make no mistake about it-Israel's war on the Gaza Strip would not be possible without the jets, helicopters, ships, missiles, and fuel provided by the United States.

Ali Abunimah, of The Electronic Intifada, wrote, "Palestinians everywhere are asking for solidarity, real solidarity, in the form of sustained, determined political action." In light of our country's enabling role in Israel's war on the Gaza Strip, it is the least we can do. Here's how:

Attend a protest or vigil and bring as many people to it as you can. If you know of a protest that isn't listed on our website, please send us all the logistical details and contact information by clicking here. More events are being posted all the time-check back frequently for the latest updates.

Make your voice heard in the media. Contact your local media by phoning into a talk show or writing a letter to the editor. To find contact info for your local media, click here.

Contact your MP to protest Israel's war on Gaza and demand an immediate cease-fire.

Forward this info to everyone you know and ask them to take action.

One Day,

... all email will be this good.



(Btw, I'm incurablehippie on twitter).

Free the Thulambo Family

Send to: UKBA and IndPublicEnquiries.

To: UK Border Agency – South Yorkshire Enforcement Unit

Fax Number: 01234 271349

To whom it may concern,

Re: The Thulambo Family HO Ref: T1099914

I am writing in relation to the case of the Thulambo Family currently detained at Yarl’s Wood Immigration Removal Centre who were scheduled to be deported to Malawi on Monday 29th December.

As their removal directions have now been deferred pending Judicial Review and in accordance with the Home Office Enforcement Instructions & Guidance Chapter 55.3, there appears no compelling reason for their continued detention.

They have no imminent travel documentation, there is no evidence of risk of absconding and there is no evidence of risk of harm to the public. I request therefore that the family’s caseworker urgently reviews the justification for the continued detention of this family and considers that as previous victims of persecution and Mrs Thulambo’s diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, their release from detention should be arranged immediately.

Yours sincerely,

Some background (this article was written a few weeks ago and the deportation has been temporarily put off):

Home Office to Deport Zimbabwean Family who fled Mugabe's Regime.

Woman whose husband was killed for his links to the opposition has claim for asylum rejected after eight years in UK
By Jane Merrick and Emily Dugan
Sunday, 14 December 2008

A Zimbabwean woman and her two daughters who fled the Mugabe regime are to be deported from Britain despite promises by the Government to protect the country's citizens.

Priviledge Thulambo, 39, whose husband was murdered by Robert Mugabe's men, and her children are being detained in a controversial immigration centre after being seized by immigration officers on Friday.

Friends of the family said the Home Office would be guilty of "murder by the back door" by deporting the three women. They are all Zimbabwean nationals, but because they entered the UK on Malawian passports – the only way they could escape the Mugabe regime – eight years ago, they have had their claims for asylum rejected.

After spending Christmas in the grim surroundings of the Yarl's Wood detention centre, they will be forced on to a flight to Malawi on 29 December. Because of their Zimbabwean nationality they are likely to be immediately sent to their home country, where they face torture or death.

They are in this desperate situation despite UK government policy that no Zimbabwean nationals will be sent back there unless they are members of the ruling Zanu-PF party.

It follows criticism last week of the Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, who warned cabinet colleagues of an "influx" of Zimbabwean refugees fleeing the cholera outbreak.

Mrs Thulambo and her daughters Valerie, 20, and Lorraine, 18, have spent eight years in the UK. Mrs Thulambo's Cambridge-educated husband, Macca, was killed for his links to opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai. His widow tried to leave Zimbabwe but was arrested at the airport, and later tortured and raped.

She and her daughters fled to neighbouring Malawi, where they obtained passports because of her late husband's dual nationality. Immigration officials seized Mrs Thulambo's Zimbabwean passport during their arrest at dawn on Friday.

The Liberal Democrat leader, Nick Clegg, the family's former MP, said it was wrong to assess them as Malawian for immigration purposes.

He added: "It is time this Government gets tough on Mugabe, not his victims. This case illustrates the heartless approach from a Home Office more willing to deport people to their fate rather than do the right thing. Taking such a legalistic approach to Priviledge and her daughters shows that the Home Office is seeking to find any excuse or loophole to deport Zimbabwean nationals."

Mrs Thulambo is an active member of her local church, St Mark's, in Crookes, Sheffield. Valerie was looking forward to studying law at university after passing her A-levels, friends said. According to Kirsten Heywood, a family friend: "As soon as they arrive in Malawi they will be sent back to Zimbabwe – which means death. It is terrible what the Home Office is doing. This is back-door murder."

In a letter to the Home Secretary, Mr Clegg said: "I have met Mrs Thulambo on several occasions. She has suffered severe mental and physical health problems after the persecution she and her family suffered in Zimbabwe. She has become a respected and well-liked member of the community; her daughters attended the local schools and have integrated into society and have many friends.

"I believe this is a clear-cut case for the Home Office to demonstrate clemency and leniency on Mrs Thulambo's case and on others like her."

The Home Office yesterday declined to comment on individual cases, but added: "We only seek to remove families who are in the UK unlawfully after all appeal rights have been used and the courts agree that they have no further right to remain in the UK.

"Once all appeal rights are exhausted, we would much rather that those here illegally left voluntarily. Sadly, some families choose not to do so even though they are given every opportunity to leave voluntarily. We then have a duty to enforce the law."

Meanwhile, a landmark ruling has given hope to thousands of impoverished asylum-seekers, including those from Zimbabwe, who are barred from working while the Home Office resolves their cases. The Government's refusal to allow those who are trapped in the system for long periods to seek employment has been branded unlawful by the High Court.

According to current estimates, up to 280,000 refused asylum-seekers in the UK are forced into destitution – often for years – as they wait for their cases to be processed. Now the blanket policy that bars employment for those stuck in the Home Office backlog has been declared illegal under human rights legislation.

The Government has pledged to process its backlog of several hundred thousand cases by 2011, but for many this could mean facing a life of poverty for up to a decade with no hope of a job.

There is also this 'Comment Is Free' article from The Guardian:

A Callous Immigration System

Deporting Zimbabwean asylum seekers from the UK contradicts our condemnation of Mugabe's regime

by Jeremy Sare
guardian.co.uk, Saturday 27 December 2008 15.00 GM

Gordon Brown has roundly condemned Mugabe's murderous regime on several occasions. But at the same time, the government continues to deport asylum seekers back to Zimbabwe via neighbouring countries.

Priviledge Thulambo and her two daughters, Valerie and Lorraine, fled Zimbabwe in 2000, shortly after Priviledge's husband, Macca was murdered by Mugabe's Central Intelligence Organisation. She used her husband's dual nationality to obtain false documentation from Malawian authorities and flew to Britain.

The UK Border and Immigration Agency (BIA) has ruled that the family has no case for seeking asylum and after seven years in Sheffield, they will be deported to Malawi on December 29. As Zimbabwean citizens, they fully expect to be sent back to Harare, no doubt with a welcome from the local constabulary.

The judge in the Thulambo case found some inconsistencies in Priviledge's testimony and declared her to be "wholly unreliable". He cited her previous possession of a Malawian passport, through her late husband's dual status, as evidence of a "longstanding connection" to Malawi. The fact remains that Mrs Thulambo lived her life in Zimbabwe and her daughters were born and raised there.

Deporting this family is an outrage and another example of how callous the immigration authorities have grown under a Labour government. Macca Thulambo's murder is not a matter of dispute; his family, if returned, would be sure to be targets of the government-controlled police. The current spate of abductions indicates the high level of danger for any political activism in Zimbabwe. Mrs Thulambo finds the prospect of their return "terrifying… we are facing death."

In July, Gordon Brown proudly announced to parliament a moratorium on deportations to Zimbabwe. The Immigration Agency seems to be applying a technicality of the Thulambos' use of Malawian documentation. The level of oppression and degradation in Zimbabwe has inspired several world leaders to call for Mugabe's removal. Deportations cannot continue alongside such condemnation.

This case follows other high-profile deportations where the actions of officials, at the behest of ministers, appeared particularly callous. In January, Ama Sumani, 39, was deported to Ghana when her visa expired, despite her continuing chemotherapy for cancer of the kidneys. She died two months later, leaving two children. The Lancet described Mrs Sumani's treatment as "atrocious barbarism".

The government is still considering a proposal to withdraw primary healthcare from GPs for failed asylum seekers in the teeth of opposition from health professionals. Ministers have struggled to find a coherent argument for allowing such discrimination, which can counter the General Medical Council's guiding principle for doctors: 'Make the care of your patient your first concern'.

Other parts of the immigration estate have recently suffered scathing criticism. The Children's Commissioner, Sir Al Aynsley-Green, condemned the annual incarceration of 2,000 children in deportation centres such as Yarl's Wood in Bedfordshire as "shameful" "cruel" and "inherently harmful".

Nick Clegg has campaigned on a number of immigration issues since becoming Liberal Democrat leader. He successfully championed the cause of the Gurkhas when many faced deportation despite long military service for Britain. He is now lobbying for Mrs Thulambo and her daughters directly to home secretary, Jacqui Smith.

He said: "The Home Office seems determined to exploit every possible loophole in order to deport people who have clearly fled Zimbabwe. This government must get tough on Mugabe, not his victims. New Labour has presided over an asylum system which is at once incompetent and cruel. Bureaucratic incompetence means that some refugees must wait years for an answer, during which time they have no means to support themselves. Then, for no apparent reason, they are bundled out of the country even if they and their family have developed roots here. It is an inefficient and inhumane way to treat people fleeing violence and persecution."

Jacqui Smith has caused conflict within the cabinet about raising fears of an "influx" of Zimbabweans wishing to escape the cholera epidemic. Mugabe may make absurd announcements denying the existence of the disease but a spokeswoman for the South African Health Department described the outbreak as being "on a massive, unprecedented scale." The epidemic alone should be sufficient reason to not even contemplate deportation for the Thulambos.

Despite cases of asylum falling by two-thirds since 2000, the BIA has been taking an increasingly tough line on applicants. The agency is employing a degree of hardheartedness that feels well outside our national character and traditions for sheltering the persecuted. The appointment of Phil Woolas as immigration minister in the autumn appears to herald an even less sympathetic approach. Woolas has complained the solicitors representing asylum seekers were just "an industry … undermining the law and playing the system".

Mr Woolas's saloon-bar philosophy obscures an immigration system with significant flaws in its decision-making process and manned by a dispirited and undervalued civil service. The solicitors play a vital role in highlighting mistakes made in the fair consideration of asylum applications. The Refugee Council can show nearly 50 per cent of rejected cases from East African countries such as Eritrea are upheld on appeal.

The Council welcomed the halt to deportations to Zimbabwe, but then they found Zimbabweans were being deported to neighbouring countries. A spokesman for the Refugee Council said, "The UK government should simply be looking after the relatively small number of refugees who are here from Zimbabwe - rather than trying to remove them to countries which are themselves struggling to deal with the tens of thousands who have had to flee recently."

Mrs Thulambo and her daughters are fast running out of time. Her constituency MP, Labour backbencher Angela Smith, has offered her full support, lobbying ministers directly and instigating an urgent review of the case. Nevertheless the tickets for Monday evening's flight are still booked and the return to Mugabe's brutal dictatorship beckons.

Merry Christmas!

Have a great day!

Christmas Silliness Summary:


• Christmas Silliness #1
  
• Christmas Silliness #2
  
• Christmas Silliness #3
  
• Christmas Silliness #4
  
• Christmas Silliness #5
  
• Christmas Silliness #6
  
• Christmas Silliness #7
  
• Christmas Silliness #8
  
• Christmas Silliness #9
  
• Christmas Silliness #10
  
• Christmas Silliness #11
  
• Christmas Silliness #12
  
• Christmas Silliness #13
  

Christmas Silliness #13

12 Days of Christmas (Akatsuki Style)

Christmas Silliness #12

12 Days of Christmas, Irish Style, Frank Kelly



Nollaig Shona Duit!

Incurable Hippie Guff Filleted.

Ooh, ooh, ooh I'm feeling a bit giggly, having found myself discussed on a blog which links to Melanie Phillips, and not even as a joke!

Anyway, UK Commentators thought I was wrong to poke fun at Christian fundamentalists, as I did here, especially when I did the Amnesty International Greetings card campaign, including sending a card to someone held without charge in Guantanamo Bay.

So, UK Commentators thinks I have contradicted myself, indeed describes it as Cognitive Dissonance. He then linked to a couple of my photos (one of a star on the side of an old masons' pub and one of a demolished building. That's about it really.

The comments are worth quoting, for comedy value if nothing else. Here goes:

Rob said...
Note his mocking about the Christian who believed that "husband and wife should vote as one", yet is someone who sends Christmas cards to Islamists!

Bizarre. Does she really not see the reality of Islamism, or is she willfully blind to it just because they are our enemy, and any enemy of the West is a useful ally?

In an Islamist state, even a fairly mild one, her chances of remaining even a few of the things she calls herself - feminist, geek, warrior, etc are slim indeed. She could become a baby factory though. I'm sure she'd love that.

9:55 AM
Rob said...
Sorry, 'her' mocking

9:56 AM
paul ilc said...
Laban - Thank you for reading such guff as Incurable Hippy, and serving it up filleted and criticised. You have more patience and a stronger stomach than I have.

10:07 AM
Homophobic Horse said...
She could, at best, claim to be against both Islam and Human Rights abuse. This is unlikely.

9:22 PM

For what it's worth, I'm not a fan of any religion. Unlike the commenters, I don't see Islam or Muslims as any kind of enemy. I am uncomfortable with any kind of religious law, from swearing on the Bible to Sharia Law, Jewish Law or anything which involves personal beliefs in politics.

I am against human rights abuses of any kind, and I don't see sending a message of support to someone held against international law by America as the same thing as supporting fundamentalist Islam. They are completely different issues, even though the human rights abuses in Guantanamo Bay are certainly fuelling any rise of people angry against the West.

UK Commentators has lots of links - I had to go visit Never Trust a Hippy but was quite disappointed. They also link to the attractively named Fulham Reactionary (I have a mental picture), and the author of that also writes on Christianophobia Watch and New Crusaders.

Others links are Nationalist News, which is particularly ugly, Vote Franco, Tottenham Lad, the dreaded Christian Voice, the Christian Institute, and of course the 'men's rights' Angry Harry, UK Men's Rights Movement and Fathers for Justice.

I'm leaving the links there - you can see for yourself if you want more (and there are plenty more), except for one final mention - Peter C Glover, notable for his post Sarah Palin: Conservative of the Year, in which he quotes Ann Coulter! I couldn't have found a better example of 'no need to parody because he does it well enough himself' if I'd tried!

Christmas Silliness #11

The 12 Days of Indian Christmas

Christmas Silliness #10

Foster Brooks - 12 Drunken Days of Christmas

Christmas Silliness #9

The 12 Days After Christmas

Christmas Silliness #8

12 Days of the War on Christmas (Fox Style)

Christmas Silliness #7

The 12.5 Days of Christmas

Christmas Silliness #6

Christmas Silliness #5

The 12 isms of Christmas

Christmas Silliness #4

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Sir Trevor McDonald!

A t-shirt I designed recently, I'm pleased with it!

It's actually on sale at

Yey!

Good Old Charlie Brooker

Old article, just about sums up my last few days...

There's a plague stalking the land and I'm terrified. But here's how to avoid Norovirus meltdown ...

Fear stalks the land; stalks my land at any rate. I've landed a starring role in my own personal horror movie: Day of the Norovirus. Gastric flu, the winter vomiting bug, spewmonia: whatever you want to call it, it's out there, somewhere, festering on every surface, waiting to infect me. Britain is diseased: a septic isle bobbing on an ocean of warm sick.
The media have had a field day, and to an emetophobe like me (someone with an uncontrollable, inbuilt fear of puking), this merely amplifies the terror. A headline such as "Vomiting bug spreads across nation" sets my pulse racing twice as effectively as "Mad axeman on loose".

Even worse are the war stories: vivid blog postings from survivors, gleefully describing the full extent of their biological meltdown. They're trying to outdo each other.

"I had to lie naked in the bath for three days, blasting hot fluid from both ends."

"Yeah? Well I vomited so hard, all the hair on my head got sucked inside my skull and out my mouth."

"Pfff - think that's bad? At one point I spewed with such force, the jet fired me backwards through a stained-glass window, and I literally burst apart on the patio, sending a geyser of vomit and crap 600 feet into the sky."

And if they're not online, they're crawling into the office to tell you all about them. While still infectious. If I was running things, it would be dealt with like a zombie outbreak: shoot all victims in the head at the first sign of infection, then barricade the windows till the end credits roll.

Worse still, it apparently strikes without warning. Infection takes 12-28 hours to come to fruition, quietly making its way to your small intestine, and, at first, you're none the wiser. The physical symptoms come on so suddenly, you only truly know you've got it when you suddenly spot a jet of vomit flying away from your face. And then you're locked in. It's like knowing the sun could explode at any second and being powerless to prevent it.

Naturally I want to avoid it like the plague, because it is a plague. And I've become an expert. Here's how to avoid it yourself.

Forget those fancy anti-bacterial handgels. They're pointless. Don't worry about breathing it in; unless you're unlucky enough to inhale a fresh droplet of sick or faeces (which can happen if someone explodes right beside you), you can still get away unscathed even if someone in your immediate vicinity comes down with it. It's not carried in saliva either. The one thing you must do is wash your hands with hot water and soap for a minimum of 15 seconds before putting them in your mouth, nose or eyes.

Easier said than done. Once you're aware of it, it's incredible how often you touch a shared surface, then your mouth, without even thinking. Say you pop to the newsagents and buy a bag of crisps: that door handle could be caked in sick germs, and you've just slid them down your gullet along with the salt and vinegar. Or you're in an office: you use someone else's keyboard, then eat a sandwich. Why not lick a toilet bowl and have done with it?

But even washing your hands is tricky. Take the workplace toilet. The door handle, the taps and the button on the automated dryer may all be infected. You have to turn the tap with your elbow, wash for 15 seconds (time it: it's longer than you think), then turn the tap off with the other elbow. Then you'll need two paper towels: one to dry yourself, and the other to open the door with on your way out. Unless you do all of this, you're doomed.

I've become an obsessive compulsive disorder case study, repeatedly washing my hands like Lady Macbeth on fast-forward, acutely aware of where my hands are at all times, what I've just touched, and where they're heading next. It's exhausting, like consciously counting every blink.

Yesterday, in an attempt to prod some sanity back into my life, I went to a restaurant. Eating out is insane: even if your chef is hygienic in the first place, unless he's devoutly following the paper-towel hand-washing routine outlined above to the letter he may as well wipe his bum on your plate. Nonetheless, I decided to risk it. Giving in to emetophobia would be like giving in to the terrorists, yeah? End result: I lay awake for hours last night, convinced that I'd start hurling any second.

There's one chink of sunlight for us emetophobes: we hardly ever actually vomit. There are various theories as to why, and it's all a bit chicken-and-egg: either we're so naturally hardy that vomiting is a rarity (and therefore more traumatic when it does occur), or we're so psychologically averse to it, we can will ourselves to stop. In fact, if I was on Heroes, that would be my superpower. A few years ago I caught a noro-style gastric nasty that made all my friends spew like ruptured fire hydrants. I lay in bed with cramps and a fever, battling extreme nausea for four days, and somehow didn't snap. Although what was happening at the other end of my body was another story altogether. Magic powers only stretch so far. That's why Superman wears rubber knickers.

Anyway, it'll blow over soon. The media have already got new scare stories to torture us with. In the meantime, if you're reading this on a bus, in an office, or at a shared computer, and you're eating your lunch - God help you. Now wash your hands.

Christmas Silliness #3

London Gay Men's Chorus: Coming Out at Christmas

Christmas Silliness #2

The 12 Days of Chavmas

Christmas Silliness #1

The 12 Gays of Christmas