Toilets and Trying Times.

I am ill. It varies. I have endometriosis and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I have various manifestations of madness, and I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). All of these are long-term conditions.

Endometriosis, PCOS, IBS and insanity all have something in common. They are not especially socially acceptable things to discuss in many circumstances. Talking about girlie bits, poo or emotional dysfunction makes many people uncomfortable. They think you are being too personal, or too revealing, or something, and they often want to run away. My tip for chronic illnesses is to try and acquire one which people don't 'faire un cul de poule' with their lips if you mention it and look at you like you just mooned the Queen.

So, I mentioned IBS among that lot. I was diagnosed with this around 7 years ago. At times it is not a big problem, at other times it is entirely debilitating. I developed it post-virally, but once the virus had gone, the IBS stuck, and is still hanging around (no 'like a bad smell' jokes necessary ;) ).

Lists and explanations of IBS symptoms are all over the internet. My own form of it affects me to varying degrees and intensities on a seemingly random basis. I get extreme pain and diarrhoea. Sometimes the pain is milder, thankfully.

But at its worst (which it is today), the pain makes me cry. Even if I could move around easily I'd be scared to in case I was too far from a toilet when I get the sudden cramps and need to go now. So when my IBS is this bad, it essentially halts my life. And there is little warning that it is going to be bad.

Like today for instance. I had to cancel meeting two friends for lunch, as about 20 minutes before I was due to leave, I had an 'attack' which lasted until long after I was due to be there. Thank goodness for text messages.

I felt very bad for having to cancel, especially on the last minute, and I worried, as I always do in this situation, that people would think I was making excuses, or at the very least exaggerating what I was going through.

So, I felt very validated and much better, when I read this, a guide explaining IBS to people who don't have it.

You can (and should!) read the whole document and explanations of the points made at the IBS Group site, but points I particularly liked were:

• WHEN I’M HAVING AN ATTACK, I NEED SPACE


• THE RULES ARE ALWAYS CHANGING


• I’M NOT USING IBS AS AN EXCUSE NOT TO DO THINGS


• IBS IS NOT ‘ALL IN OUR HEADS’


• I CAN’T ALWAYS HELP BEING LATE


• I CAN’T CONTROL HOW OFTEN I GET SICK


• IBS IS A HIGH MAINTENANCE CONDITION

.
My friends may be smirking about the tardiness statement, and quite rightly. Often I am late because I am unorganised, but sometimes it truly is for IBS reasons.

It is not a socially acceptable condition to discuss, and yet it is important for those of us who live with it, to be able to get some understanding from those who don't. Billy has talked about it, and there are IBS blogs. And so now I am coming out too. It might be related to poo, but I live with it and it really, really hurts and disrupts my life sometimes. There.

I take Colpermin which is prescribed for me by my doctor, to help manage the symptoms. Its active ingredient is peppermint oil and the capsule is designed to only disintegrate once it is in the intestines, so the peppermint is released within the intestines and helps to relieve the spasms. When I was first prescribed it I thought I wasn't being taken seriously ("I'm having diarrhoea 12 times a day and you're giving me aromatherapy??") but decided to give it a go anyway, and was very pleasantly surprised at how much more effective it was than the previous prescription medications I had tried.

It's not a cure, it's not even always an effective reliever, but more often than not it helps, and I'm extremely glad of that.

You can also buy Colpermin over the counter I believe. I do have a few tips though if anyone does decide to try it.

The information explains that

The capsule’s enteric coating ensures that it remains intact as it passes through the stomach acids and the small intestine. Once in the large intestine the active ingredient, peppermint oil, is slowly released for maximum effect and relief.

I agree with that, but I also have to state that the other reason the tablet must not disintegrate before the intestines is because if it disintegrates in the stomach, the heartburn you will get is incomparable to anything you have ever experienced. Seriously.

So, for that reason, when it tells you to not eat for at least half an hour after taking the tablet, it means it. Eating seems to keep the capsule stuck in your stomach a bit too long, and it starts to disintegrate there. Similarly, I would add some perhaps odd advice, but it is always worth smelling the capsule before you swallow it. If you smell a strong odour of peppermint, throw it away and take a different one. The capsule is probably cracked, and this can make the capsule come apart too early, in the stomach, too. I'd imagine it is for these same reasons that the packet advises to not take antacids at the same time as this medication. My theory about that is that the stomach is an acidic environment, and the intestines a more alkaline environment. So presumably the capsules are designed to begin to break up on contact with alkaline substances. So if you take an antacid, which are often made of alkaline substances, to neutralise stomach acid, then you are exposing the tablet to an alkaline environment within the stomach, so it will start to disintegrate, leading to heaaartbuuuuuuurn.

Don't say I didn't warn you ;)

Recommend: IBS explained for people who don't have IBS.

Note to Self.

It feels so 80's
Or early 90's
To be political
Where are my friends?
(Get off the internet!)
I'll meet you in the street
(Get off the internet!)
Destroy the right wing
(Get off the internet!)
I'll meet you in the street
(Get off the internet!)
Destroy the right wing
This is repetitive
But nothing has changed
And I'm crazy
Where are my friends
(Get off the internet!)
I'll meet you in the street
(Get off the internet!)
Destroy the right wing
(Get off the internet!)
I'll meet you in the street
(Get off the internet!)
Destroy the right wing

Get Off the Internet - Le Tigre

I Suddenly Lost My Appetite...

Guess where I was when I took this photo. Go on, guess.

I can almost guarantee you are wrong.

I was in Marks & Spencer! Marks and Spencer!!!!

M&S, selling porn? Surely not... I could not believe my eyes, that in the middle of the tasty food section, I was faced with this.

I sent them an email (which you too can do, from here), which said,

I was in the M&S store in Sheffield City Centre and was horrified to see a selection of pornographic 'lads' mags' amid the food section.

I have no idea how this was ever thought to be a good idea by your shop. Your main customers are surely women, many of whom will feel offended and intimidated by naked women on the front of magazines.

I treat myself to your food from time to time as it is high quality, but will certainly re-consider doing this if I am to be faced with pornographic images at children's eye level.

I am, as the cliche goes, shocked and appalled!

Guess where I was shopping? 

My train of thought

at approximately 7.23 this evening.

I feel sick. Did I take promethazine* this morning?
Ummm no, cos I'd run out of diet coke** so was going to take meds*** in the kitchen instead.
But then forgot.
Ok, so, no promethazine, that explains feeling sick.
Hang on, no meds this morning****!
It's 7.23pm***** and I haven't taken my morning meds yet. Argh******!
:-o

Key:
* promethazine - anti-emetic
** diet coke - on offer in the local shop
*** take meds - swallow chemical joy. or something
**** morning meds consist of 5 pills. every morning (note morning, not evening)
***** 7.23pm - evening (thus not morning)
****** Argh - self-explanatory.

Guffaws, Guns and Glasses.

A while ago I was sent a very funny email, which began:

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

by Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the
USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign
Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all
states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she
does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony
Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that
there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for
America without the need for further elections. Congress and the
Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year
to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a
British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with
immediate effect:

It went on to detail 17 rules, including:

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

Snopes have now done their thang, and completed a piece on the original, and development of this letter, including two rather funny responses to us Brits from USA. Including:

Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order to turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not permitted in all areas.

All inter-personal communications between family members, even if resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children after interesting medical conditions.

It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

The whole thing has rather cheered an otherwise dull morning!

Also on snopes is a (true) story about a man doing a presentation on gun safety during which he accidentally shot himself in the leg. It kind of proves the point that gun + safety are not compatible. Guns are designed to kill and maim, and they are just not at all safe. Ever.

I didn't watch the video of the incident, but it is there.

My absolutely favourite Ian McMillan was just on the radio on You & Yours, talking about how marvellous we spectacle-wearers are. I couldn't agree more :)

Papacy and Poverty.

Ok, people are starting to say nice things about the Pope, now that he doesn't seem to have long left. I disagree with most of it.

Argh! Don't you hate it when you mix up the cooker and the computer?? Amazingly, both seem to cook eggs equally well. But shit, I've got food everywhere.

And to put chocolate eggs and the associated weight gain into perspective, 10.6m children under five die each year, most from preventable causes.

Almost four in 10 die within 28 days of birth and more than four in 10 deaths are in southern and western Africa.
[...]
The deaths are mainly from pneumonia (19%), diarrhoea (17%), malaria (8%), measles (4%), HIV/Aids (3%) and injuries (3%). Premature birth (28%), sepsis or pneumonia (26%), and asphyxia (23%) are the most common causes of very early death.
[...]
Poor nutrition is an underlying factor in more than half of all the deaths under five, according to the figures, published in the Lancet medical journal today.
[...]
An Ethiopian child is over 30 times more likely than a western European to die before his or her fifth birthday.

This is appalling, totally appalling, and that we are allowing this to happen is something I am ashamed of.

As a country we have so much money, food, healthcare. How much did we spend bombing Afghanistan and Iraq? That money could have been so much better spent.

Oxfam here.

Time Flies...

So, the clocks go forward tonight.

I wish people would stop telling me that that means it's an hour less sleep tonight.

It's not if you don't want it to be. Stay in bed then lose an hour of day instead.

Parks, Popes, Pop and Puzzling.

The Guardian tells me that a woman called Andrea Webster has put £100,000 of her own money, and is requesting that another million Christians donate £144 each, to realise her dream of creating a Christian Theme Park in Yorkshire.

It is to be called Ark Alive and the aim is "where Disney meets the Bible". The whole thing sounds incredibly bizarre, and for full effect you really should read the article.

Weirdly, that leads me (rather too cleanly than is common!) onto the Pope, about whom the Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re has just praised for his "serene abandonment to God". Now, I don't want to make presumptions or predictions, but that sounds to me like he's dying. Which isn't much of a surprise if you've been following his health over the last few months.

But think about it. The Pope dying on Easter Weekend. How can I say this...? Well, it would just encourage people to believe in the bigotry even more. [Ducking now].

If you've ever wondered what song was Number 1 when you were born, you can find out here. I actually truly have wondered several times but have never known... and now I do! (Who on earth is Deniece Williams??)

I leave you with a puzzle. First correct answer may get a prize!

A boy is sent to fetch water. He must bring back exactly 4 litres of water from the well. He goes there with a 5 litre and a 3 litre bucket. He can use no other containers, and must not use guesswork.

How does he get exactly 4 litres?

Transplants, Trends, Tokenism, Titles.

This is appalling (Immigration authorities have denied entry to a Sri Lankan needed for her daughter-in-law's transplant).

This is really interesting (Fascinating social trends survey reveals 35-year transformation).

This story is blatant electioneering, which made me laugh.

"I don't think people would reject a prime minister simply on the basis that he was gay," Blair told the magazine.

The fact that he said on the basis that he was gay says an awful lot about tokenism, the old boys' network and gender bias in politics and society. Grrr (Blair: Gay prime minister possible in U.K.).

This is the coolest thing on the internet by far.

Talk Amongst Yourselves.

You know Barbara Millicent Roberts? You're thinking nope I don't but actually you really do.

I have spent a multitude of hours tonight updating my links, on the right. And my kinja page.

I do want to write about abortions, elections and human rights. At least.

Soon.

I am in pain.

I will leave this there for now.

The Things You Learn...

Did you know that helplessness is the rat equivalent of despair? No, neither did I. And it's not actually what the article is about, but it's the thing that stuck out for me!

Did you know that Alabama has a legal right to police the sale of devices that can be sexually stimulating. Umm... where to start?

There are four of us in this relationship...

That's this relationship. My relationship with my (rapidly increasing number of) electricity suppliers.

Soooooooo, at last count I was trying to change from LE to Eco. Eco said they had received an objection from my current supplier, so couldn't go ahead. LE said they had not objected and were about to stop supplying me.

So Eco said they would request a transfer again, to see what happened. Today I had another letter from them, saying again that they had received an objection, and so the transfer couldn't go ahead. I called LE who again said they had not objected and were going to stop supplying me in a few weeks' time.

So I called Eco back.
IncHippie - So you've definitely received another objection?
Eco - Yes
IH - But LE say they haven't objected
Eco - We have received an objection and can't go ahead
IH - But they're going to stop supplying me soon
Eco - Well we can't take it over because of the objection
IH - They say they haven't made any objection

[conversation goes round in circles for a while]

IH - Do you know what the objection is?
Eco - No
IH - And it was definitely from LE?
Eco - Yes
IH - What do I do?
Eco - Speak to LE again?
IH - Ok, but they do say there's no problem at their end
Eco - Could you hold the line a moment?
IH - Sure.

[Vivaldi's Four Seasons]

Eco - Hello! Problem solved!
IH - Great! Yey! How?
Eco - The objection was from S&S, they supply your electricity!
IH - [splutter] S & who??
Eco - S&S
IH - But...?
Eco - Their number is 0845blahblah and you need to quote this number... blahblah
IH - Umm, ok I'll do that now. Thank you, I think.

Soooo I phoned S&S, they don't supply my electricity at all. I knew that already, but was glad they knew it too. But how on earth had they become embroiled in the IH, LE, Eco triangle...

I gave the woman at S&S the long code Eco had given me. That was the reference number for Sheffield City Council's supply of the lighting on my street...

Understandably, S&S had objected to my request to change the electricity supplier of my street lamps.

I laughed quite a lot (mainly nervously! Is it an offence to try and greenify your local authority's power supplies??), and called Eco back, who were closed.

I am sure the saga will continue tomorrow.

Renationalise power, please. If only to stop this hellish situation!

I Am Meme. Ringtones. And Favourites.

Thanks to McBeth,
I AM: A meme in 22 parts.
I AM: a woman
I WANT: a tidier house
I HAVE: stomach ache
I WISH: my dad wasn't ill
I HATE: bananas
I MISS: the sea
I FEAR: discovery
I HEAR: the rain
I SEARCH: my mind for explanations. And for where I put all the knives
I WONDER: if I will go out today
I REGRET: spending so long worrying about being too fat when I was actually too thin. I really am too fat now.
I LOVE: beauty in nature
I ACHE: all over
I AM NOT: pretty
I DANCE: to 60s, 70s and 80s music
I SING: along to Sailing By, before the shipping forecast each night
I CRY: too much, and never enough
I AM NOT ALWAYS: moody
I WRITE: lots of tripe
I CONFUSE: emancipate, emasculate and emaciate
I TASTE: tobacco
I NEED: some TLC

Oh my, I am such a Radio 4 geek. I just paid £3 to download a ringtone of the pips. It is of course for red nose day but I'm still not sure that justifies it. Well, not in any circles other than radio 4 geeks.

My favourite International Women's Day post, is by GirlyDyke.

The word of the day is, by far, found chez Rohit and is, mmmm, mellifulous. I can hear it singing!

Giggle of the day.

Irrefutable quote of the day - "Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
G. K. Chesterton (thanks slow afternoon).

Local Government Lament.

It's great to start the week
With a Council Tax Bill -
Trying to sort it out
Is a struggle uphill.

Eight hundred and forty eight pounds
And thirty six new pence
Is what they are demanding -
Which makes me rather tense.

Of course, I can't afford it
But that's not quite the point.
The fact is that I am exempt
From paying that amount.

I telephoned the Helpline
But I didn't get much joy.

I called up about Benefits -
Was passed around like a toy.

Noone knew quite what to say -
It's all a cunning ploy...

So you get fed up of threatening mail
And pay what you don't owe.

But that I won't and cannot do
So I'll wait til I get their letter.
One day they might sort things out
And I would feel much better.

Would You Be Interested in Saving Money on your Gas and Electricity?

Actually, no I wouldn't. It is totally more effort than it's worth. It's a long, long story and I am frustrated and raging.

Several years ago, I used to get salesmen (not sexist language - they were all men) knocking on my front door several times a week. Trying to get me to change my gas and electricity suppliers, to convince me that whichever company they were working for would save me money.

I didn't do it because the thought of every power company being able to undercut the rest produced mental images of those illusions of impossibility where stairs in a square are all going downwards (on the front of my maths textbook at school), or straight rods of iron were weaving amongst each other while still utterly straight. How can every company be cheaper than every company. Including companies which are allegedly cheaper than them.

Not to mention I did not appreciate the invasion of privacy, and didn't want to sign up for anything being sold to me in that way, in case it encouraged companies to think that cold-calling door-to-door was a good way of getting sales.

At some point I stopped getting my quarterly statements from my electricity company (who we shall call YE, as that is their initials...). However, as I used a pre-payment meter and thus didn't get bills through the post at all, I didn't notice (until much later) that they had stopped coming.

Fastforward two years. I got a card through the door from a different company (let's call them BG), saying that they had come to read my electricity meter but I wasn't in, so could I send the card back with my meter reading on. A strange mistake for them to make, I thought, but I did get gas from them so presumed it was some kind of error. I sent the card back with a note saying that I hadn't filled my electric meter reading in because they did not supply my electricity.

A few weeks later I had a letter from them informing them that they did indeed supply my electricity and could I call them with a meter reading. I called them and said how confused I was, and that YE supplied my electricity, and what was happening.

They informed me that they had been supplying my electricity for the last two years since I signed over to them two Novembers ago. I coughed and spluttered and said I hadn't signed over to anyone, and what on earth was happening.

They didn't seem in the least concerned that some kind of fraudulent transfer had happened, and just informed me that they were owed £hundreds for providing all that electricity, while I was buying my electricity tokens from YE still. They said they would apply to YE for that money, and that they, BG would send me a token meter card so I would buy my tokens from them from then on.

Once I had got over the shock, I called BG back a few days later to ask how this could have happened. The woman I spoke to just said, "Well, there are much stricter rules now than there were then" and that it was impossible to look at the form that was filled in as it would have been destroyed by now.

I also, some time later, emailed BG to complain at what had happened, and was fobbed off by being told I had probably signed over without remembering. Uh-uh.

Then, at the end of last year, I moved house. It seems that nowadays when you move house you have to find out who supplied the utilities to the previous tenants, and sign them over to you. After this, you can change suppliers if you have a preferred one, but you have to start with the suppliers of the previous occupants.

There are phone numbers you can ring to find out. Gas was straight forward, and I found out that I was with good ole BG again. Electricity, they couldn't tell me. Apparently this property had two suppliers. After lots of phonecalls, and an electricity- and heat-free house for a while, I discovered that my electricity supplier was a different supplier, indeed one which seems an odd choice, geographically, who I shall call LE.

It was all quite confusing. I was getting bills from BG for electricity at my previous address, gas at my previous address, gas I had used at my current address, and gas which the previous occupants had used at my current address.

Because there was another ongoing problem with BG. I lived in my previous flat for 5 and a half years. Throughout that whole time I never used any gas. I had district heating for the central heating and hot water, and used an electric cooker, so had no use for gas. When I moved in, my gas meter reading was 0150. When I moved out, my gas meter reading was 0150. Every 3 months I got a gas bill from BG, with an estimated meter reading, and an invoice for anything between about £20 and £80. Every three months I would phone them and say, "My meter reading is 0150, I don't use gas" and they would send me a bill for £0.

On each bill with an estimated meter reading, it always said, Please provide us with an up-to-date meter reading which we will use to build up a picture of your energy use and thus predict your bills more accurately. Every for 5.5 years I provided a meter reading of 0150 and not once did they learn anything about my (lack of) use of gas.

But yes, that was a diversion. Once I moved in here and had worked out which bills were for here, which for other people, which for my previous address, I started attempting to pay them. There was an electricity bill from BG for £300+, which when I phoned to query it, I learned that they still hadn't requested the money I had paid to YE once I had been unknowingly transferred over to them. So it wasn't me who owed it at all.

Dealing with utility companies could be a full time job. And one that you'd need to be paid danger money, for the stress effect on your body and mind.

With LE providing my electricity in my new place, I had a token meter again, but this time could only buy tokens from the Post Office, rather than a much wider choice of shops with YE and BG. So I requested that LE change me onto a billed meter, so I would get quarterly electricity bills. They did this, came and replaced my meter, and all seemed well.

As Alan Davies so often said, I shouldda left it.

But no. I read about a company which supplies all of its electricity from renewable wind sources. What could be better?? It says it will match your local suppliers' prices, and it's eco-friendly. Marvellous!

Arranged to change to them, all going swimmingly, then this morning I got a letter from the Eco ones saying that LE (who, if you are still following, are my current supplier) had objected to the transfer, so for now it wasn't going ahead. I rang LE who said they couldn't find any objection, rang Eco ones and they have one on record so can't go ahead.

The Eco man assured me that I wasn't going to be cut off by LE and not replaced by anyone. Why oh why oh why.

(Embrace the Wind Revolution and get your name on a wind turbine).

Philosophy of Technology and Search Engines (Googology?)

Sunday thoughts.

I adore google. It has improved my web use, through its search engine magic, infinitely. I also love gmail, in particular its message threading and its efficient searching of your own messages stored there.

The verb, to google, is commonly used by me and others on a daily basis. In fact, The American Dialect Society chose the verb to google as the "most useful word of 2002".

An alternative usage of the expression "to google" has sprung up on the campus of Rice University in Houston, Texas. On the campus, the expression has been used as a verb to mean "to copulate with" (...)

An alternative usage of the word is in saying that "some brand or concept does (or doesn't) google", which indicates whether or not useful information can be found on it using a quick internet search (commonly with the Google engine). For instance, a person named David Jones, or a computer program named 'Click' don't google, since using either as a query would return hundreds of unrelated links. Both search engines and companies try to ensure that the most relevant results are returned first, thus virtually every well-known company googles.

Google itself does not like this usage, fearing the dilution and potential loss of its trademark like Yo-Yo, Xerox and escalator (...). The company went as far as to send a cease and desist letter to Paul McFedries, creator of wordspy.com, a website that tracks neologisms.

I had no idea I was going to learn those other meanings, and thus no plan to mention them here, but they are really interesting so I had to log them.

Google powers blogger and blogspot too, and you can even google google!

But, what I was leading up to talking about (before I got distracted with marvellous linguistic factettes), was about Google as God. It came about when, in response to an LJ post I read, someone was advised to ask the google god. Wow.

Reasons galore as to why google is the new god flooded my head. I wanted to know what others thought. So who did I ask? Why, the Google God. Many people have wondered about, discussed, read and written about that very thing.

Someone has written a paper entitled Google as God: the Theology of Search Engines. A reiki-practising social worker has written My Google God, there are techies and Christian folk writing about it, presentations at international conferences and comparison charts.

Many of the articles, essays and blog entries I read were written in response to a NY Times article written by Thomas L. Friedman following a visit he made to the google headquarters.

In a lot of what I have been reading this last half hour, Friedman is misquoted as saying,

"If I can operate Google, I can find anything. And with wireless, it means I will be able to find anything, anywhere, anytime. Which is why I say that Google, combined with Wi-Fi, is a little bit like God. God is wireless, God is everywhere and God sees and knows everything. Throughout history, people connected to God without wires. Now, for many questions in the world, you ask Google, and increasingly, you can do it without wires, too."

In fact, he was quoting Alan Cohen, a V.P. of Airespace.

I think that google is a god of our time. Of sorts.

Throughout history, humans have made God into whatever they wanted or needed Him or Her to be at that time. While following available religious texts, the room for interpretation has meant that the most powerful people of the time could, and would, interpret the readings or lessons or messages in a way which was most appropriate for them or others at that time.

I am talking mainly about Christianity as that is what I know the most about. At times, God has been a punitive, angry and jealous being. At others a loving, caring father. In other circumstances S/He is a dictator of morals, or someone to be adored and worshipped, or to be feared. A lot of the historical periods of Christianity's understanding of God contained elements of all the above, but at different times, some aspects are seen as key and central whereas in other times it is other characteristics which predominate.

God's nature has always been relevant and appropriate to the times of those who believe in him. Humans have always made him fit in with their understanding and experience of life.

So, is Google God? Well, google is pretty much omniscient, and omnipresent too. Omnibenevolent I doubt. And omnipotent - arguably. In societies like that which we live, the media has an awful lot of power. People who decide what information we have, how it is presented, how much detail we learn, execute an immense amount of control over what we know, how we think, what we care about. Google, in being a gateway to the vast amount of information on the net, and the way in which it orders its search results and presents the information, can affect the concerns and awarenesses of those who use it.

Of course google isn't a spiritual or religious God. But it is a god which fits in with our knowledge, experience and lifestyles as we live them now. And in many ways that is what God has always been.

Christianity Today points out that The Internet is arguably the first non-deity in human history to be ascribed with ubiquitous sentience. (...) You can learn the average annual rainfall in Myanmar from a coffee shop in Topeka, or check last night's baseball scores from Siberia.

The author then goes on to look at other bloggers' responses to the question, including

A better question than "Is Google God?", wrote another, is: "Is Google wise? The wisdom of the answer depends on the wisdom of the question."

and

"The answer to Friedman's question ['Is Google God'?] is rather simple: No. Because Google knows but doesn't understand. … Google's ability of metareasoning is limited to one level and it cannot by itself metareason about its metareasoning."

This is also backed up by Quentin Schultze, who says

"Knowledge about is merely the accumulation of mediated information, whereas knowledge of includes intimate understanding, seasoned judgment, and active participation".

These are all valid points, which I respect.

Google has its fans, and many other computer companies are in awe of this corporation which is succeeding so hugely where so many have failed.

Google indexes and analyzes 1.5 billion Web pages. When I typed in a search for 'Mr. Ed's real name,' Google started sorting 1.5 billion pages to find the pages that contain those words. Then Google found and analyzed all the links to all the pages that have those words. Finally, Google combined all of that to give me a list of results.

It did it in 0.17 seconds.

And sure enough, the first site Google listed told me TV's Mr. Ed was played by a horse named Bamboo Harvester, and he was made to talk by sticking a peanut butterlike substance under his gums, which he'd try to get out by moving his mouth and tongue.

(I like logoogle, a collection of fake google logos!).

Friday Night After A Bad Friday Day.

So, a study today has recommended that people's debts do not exceed 45% of their annual income. Oops. It's a bit late now. Without going into what my annual income is, nor how much I owe, I can safely say that my debts are several times my annual income, rather than less than half of it.

It is, of course, wise advice, but it doesn't represent real life for me. I did a four year University course, with a student loan for each of those years. Then living off a credit card when I spent 8 months with no income. And, of course, I am not blameless and also bought sometimes essentials and, yes, sometimes I spent on extras on credit cards after my benefits had finally been approved. When I say essentials there, I do really mean essentials. I'm not talking about an essential pair of jeans, or an essential night out. I'm talking food, electricity tokens, and such.

But yes, I have also caused some of my debt by buying things on credit when I could have lived without them. Clothes, books, household things. One incredibly depressing thing about being on low levels of benefits (for 18 months or so I got around £42 a week) is that it is not like being a bit skint when you're waiting for payday. It is a level of poverty and misery which you have no apparent way out of. In my case, miracle cure would have got me out of it, as I could have then been able to work, and afford things again. But there was no miracle cure, and no other way out. I was barely able to get out of bed, even less able to leave the house.

As a result, every week money was a struggle - in fact, more of an impossibility than a struggle. Once bills and electricity token were covered I was left with around £15 a week for food, transport, socialising, clothes, toiletries, emergencies, treats, presents for people etc. But with £15 a week, and the only accessible shop to me being expensive, virtually all of that money went on food, and a little left over for travel - mainly to medical appointments.

So, no hope of (what were those other things I mentioned?!) socialising, getting new clothes, toiletries, dealing with emergencies, getting the odd treat for myself or birthday or Christmas presents for others. There was just no feasible way of even entertaining the idea of spending on any of those things.

As nowadays there are very few cash machines which dispense £5 notes, I would get £10 out one week and £20 the next, then £10 again then £20 the following week. This was how I had to go about getting hold of the £15 I could spend.

When you are poor it is very difficult to take advantage of situations where richer people can save money. I have talked about this lots before, but basically, you can't take advantage of 'Buy One Get One Free' or '3 for 2' type offers spontaneously, as throwing things which aren't immediately required into your basket is just not possible. Similarly, it is much easier to take advantage of kilos of free washing powder when you have a car to take you back home, rather than a bus and a two-mile walk. Not to mention that poorer, or disabled people may only have a local 'corner shop' which they can realistically access. These places are often more expensive for general items, and don't have so many special offers. People with transport, for example, can shop around, getting the best prices.

But above all it's miserable. You're constantly counting pennies and having to make choices between loo paper or sanitary towels, and there is no end in sight. You're not skint until you get paid next week. You're not going to have to skip biscuits / coffee / whatever until Saturday. How your life is is how your life seems it will be for the immediate and perhaps long-term future. If your fridge breaks, then you don't have a fridge any more. If you don't have a winter coat, then you get cold til the spring. If, like me, you gain weight, then you have to continue to wear the same clothes even when they are two sizes too small.

I don't want to sound melodramatic or like I'm pleading for sympathy or pity. I'm not. Nowadays I have more income than that, and though I am often skint, it is generally a different level of skint and I usually at least have food in the house. However, that period of time was appallingly difficult and it is important that people know how it really is to live on a tiny amount of money.

Ok. Rant over. Well, that particular one at least. For now.

The web is full of Photoshop contests, of varying standards. I found one, quite accidentally, which impressed me muchly. Everyday Objects Swapped with Musical Instruments.

Chocolate has been banned for NHS Staff?? Why is this not head of the news? It's nearly as bad as all this bloody no smoking nonsense.

Hehe.

Whaaa?!

Fin.

Stoned Graffiti in Hackenthorpe. 

Petitions and Presumptions (aka I hate Bigots)

With regard to Powerless to Stop Mental Health Unit in DoncasterToday and Dismay over Mental Hospital Council Unable to Block Healthcare Firm's Plan.

To Editor, Doncaster Today,

I read with interest your article entitled, "POWERLESS TO STOP MENTAL HEALTH UNIT". I find it difficult to understand why people are objecting to this unit's proposed existence. Why campaign to change the law to require that psychiatric units need 'special' planning permission? And why would psychiatric patients using GP and other local services be more of a stretch to those services than residents of two nursing homes?

That 3500 people signed a petition against this project worries me immensely. Why did they feel this was necessary? Mis-information with regard to people with mental health problems is rife, particularly the myth of 'dangerousness'.

The facts are that around 300 people out of 1,000 will experience mental health problems every year in Britain, that people with mental health problems are much more vulnerable to be assaulted themselves than to assault anyone, and are also much, much more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.

In terms of violence towards others, according to psychiatrists, the likelihood of someone being killed by somebody with a mental disorder is probably less than that of winning the National Lottery outright. Even then, victims are likely to be someone known to the killer, rather than a stranger. In fact, the most dangerous group in society is young men who drink, so for a community to feel safer I suppose it would also campaign to ban all young men and alcohol from their community?

Myths and inaccuracies being widely propagated are causing a community to be worried about risks which are not there. They are also causing this community to risk losing the benefits that new residents of this centre will contribute to their local society.

I sincerely hope that some honest and fair information will be provided to the members of this community to allay their fears, and instead to welcome new members of their community with respect.

Poverty, Play-Doh and Pick-Ups. Voyeurism x 2. Benefits and Bible Stories.

So, the internet is peppered with lists of chat-up lines. Almost all ill-advised, incidentally. As are the ones in this list of Christian Pick-up lines. What do you reckon to, "excuse me, i believe one of your ribs belongs to me"? Or the honestly quite bewildering "you put the "cute" back in persecution!"?

That actually leads quite nicely to a large selection of Bible Stories Recreated in Lego...

Anybody's voyeuristic tendencies can be nurtured and encouraged by going to Random Live Webcams from the Net. The clue is in the title really. I particularly like the Launderette in Takanabe, Japan, an incredible Austrian landscape (complete with skiers), and there are many images from the PlusNet offices in Sheffield.

I talked about how cold it got here in Sheffield. Now, you really must see these amazing photos of ice-encrusted vehicles. They look incredible.

The Peanuts4Benefits campaign is one which I very much support.

Millions of claimants are facing benefit increases of as little as 50p per week from April 2005, the smallest rise for at least 30 years. For example a single person on Job Seekers Allowance, over 25 years old, will receive 55p increase giving a total of £56.20 per week.

It seems that as the benefit levels do not rise in line with wages or even prices, people on benefits are in real terms becoming poorer each year. The tiny increases leave people worse off year on year. There is more good information from Oxfam: Facts about Poverty in Great Britain.

Back on voyeurism, there are some fascinating reads on notproud.com.

I've just made myself one of those microwave snack rice pot things. I had to separate the rice from itself initially, as it was in a huge pyramid solid shape. I realised when I was doing this, that it smelt distinctly of play-doh. Much as Play-Doh, and in particular its smell, are fabulous. I'm not sure I want to eat rice made from it.

Tasting the rice now - it tastes like no rice I have ever tasted, nor does the sweet and sour sauce taste of anything at all. There is still a distinct childhood toy smell... Hmmm.

Yuck.

Brrrrrrrr it's cold. And slippy.

Edited to add: and you can buy some of it here.

Marvels of Animation.

For a short while I have been compiling a list of great animations on the web. I listed them in a fairly basic html file and it was only ever intended for my own reference purposes.

However, the list is rather marvellous (though I do say so myself... ;) ) and I figured I may as well let others know about it.

The animations created for songs are fun, the Dragostea Din Tei ones are particularly fab and addictive. The usual - and unusual - collection of flash animations are guaranteed to cheer you up, as are other selected animations. The Cleverness section is full of pretty clever things (?!), Mo Kin I just adore, and the music without animation had to go in there, because Fitness to Practice are marvellous, with songs such as Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin, London Underground, and The Drugs Song. Seriously, go listen.

Doreen Kyomugihsa Update.

Following this and this, there is some good news.

---

Dear Friends,

"We are delighted to report that Doreen Kyomugihsa was freed on bail yesterday (details of full case below). She was very unwell when she was released at 5pm and improved as the evening went on. Charges of “deception” and “failing to produce an immigration document or passport” are still outstanding against her and she is due back in court on 9 March 2005 for a committal hearing.

Ms Kyomugisha send her thanks to everyone who visited and sustained her in other ways while she was in Bronzefield and who sent kind letters of support and/or wrote or called Harriet Harman about her situation. When we spoke to the Home Office they knew about the case and said they had received many faxes. We would be glad to know what the HO said to you when you contacted them. And, as we are also gathering copies of the letters which were sent on behalf of Ms Kyomugisha so that she can see the wonderful support she received from around the country, we would be glad if you can fax us a copy on 020 7209 4761.

Many thanks also to the lawyers who did a good job and to the churchman who stood bail. Sixteen women, many of whom had travelled up to two hours across rush-hour London to be at the court in time. The majority were from the All African Women’s Group (AAWG), an organisation of women asylum seekers based at the Crossroads Women’s Centre and some had themselves been detained in similarly devastating circumstances. The public gallery was full and this clearly had a big impact on the District Judge who was not initially inclined to grant bail. The case took all day.

Many of the women from the AAWG are living on National Asylum Support System (NASS) benefits (70% of poverty rate benefits) or are destitute and have absolutely no income at all. Money for fares and food for sandwiches came from the emergency legal fund administered by Legal Action for Women (LAW). With the additional expenses of phone calls (particularly mobiles) and copying etc, the total cost was approximately £230 which is a big drain on our resources for just one day in court. For those of you who have asked what further help is needed, we would very much appreciate a donation, as generous as you can, to cover these costs and to help towards the expenses not only of fighting the rest of Doreen's case, but also for those of other women seeking asylum who come every day for help to the Centre where we are based.

Please send cheques to Women in Dialogue (Asylum Appeal), who will pay over the donations to LAW. Women in Dialogue (WinD) is the registered charity running the Crossroads Women's Centre where BWRAP and LAW are based. If you sign the Gift Aid Declaration below and return it with your donation, WinD can claim back the tax paid on it, increasing the value of the donation. Alternatively and much appreciated, you can arrange to make a regular donation to support our work by standing order.

The committal hearing on 9 March is at 9.45am in Bromley Magistrates Court. Please come along to support if you are able.

Best wishes,

Cristel Amiss,

Black Women's Rape Action Project

For information about our work with Black and immigrant women and other women of colour, including asylum seekers,visit: www.womenagainstrape.net and www.bwrap.dircon.co.uk.

Be My...

Anti-Valentine.

Letter to Harriet Harman.

Following my previous post, this is the email I sent to Harriet Harman.

---

To: harmanh@parliament.uk
CC: bwrap@dircon.co.uk, lslo@gtnet.gov.uk

Subject: ASC/502B67

Ms Kyomugisha's Home Office reference ASC/502B67

Dear Ms Harman,

I am writing to you because I am deeply concerned about the situation
of Ms Doreen Kyomugisha, which I have heard about from the Black
Women's Rape Action Project.

Doreen Kyomugisha is 17 years old (as confirmed by health
professionals) and was born in Rwanda. She lost her parents at a young
age. She was later raped many times, and eventually trafficked to
London.

However, instead of helping this young woman who desperately needs
protection and support, police have charged her with entering the UK
as a refugee using "deception" and "failure to produce an immigration
document or passport which is in force and satisfactorily establishes
[your] identity, nationality or citizenship." She was refused bail
and imprisoned.

She is now in Bronzefield Women's Prison and is deeply traumatised.
She cannot eat and now weighs a worrying 7.1 stone.

Ms Harman, you yourself recently stated that there would be a
Europe-wide crackdown on trafficking, improvements to protection, and
you clarified that "it is the trafficked people who are the victims."

I understand that there will be a bail application tomorrow, and I
would offer absolute support for bail to be awarded.

At the very least she must be released so that she can work closely
with Legal Action for Women and her legal team to clear her name
against these malicious charges, brought on the basis of "evidence"
which has not been scrutinised or verified.

I understand that Home Office policy indicates that charges of failing
to produce valid documents when entering the country should not be
used against a minor. On this basis alone a proper assessment of her
age should have been done, taking into consideration the social
services assessment and the prosecution should not have been brought.

This shocking treatment of a vulnerable child makes a travesty of any
pronouncements that the authorities are sensitive to rape survivors
and that young people claiming asylum or victims of trafficking
receive a caring response.

I am writing to you to ask you to do all you can you ensure that the
unfair and inappropriate charges against Ms Kyomugisha are dropped,
and that she is offered help and support, not further trauma and
danger.

Yours sincerely,

Action Alert: CHILD VICTIM OF RAPE AND TRAFFICKING ARRESTED & IMPRISONED.

From Black Women’s Rape Action Project.

Please take action in urgent support of Ms Doreen Kyomugisha, a 17-year old rape victim from Rwanda (see below). Ms Kyomugisha escaped from her trafficker last October and turned up on the doorstep of the Women’s Centre where we are based. After months of intensive counseling and support, she was beginning to recover from a nightmare of losing her parents through illness and war at the age of 11, being raped by many men for money in several African countries for over two years and finally trafficked to London. Instead of finding the safety and protection she urgently needs, last Wednesday she was charged with entering the UK as a refugee using “deception” and “failure to produce an immigration document or passport which is in force and satisfactorily establishes [your] identity, nationality or citizenship.” She was refused bail and imprisoned.

As the Home Office disputes her age, Ms Kyomugisha is on remand in Bronzefield Women’s Prison where she is deeply traumatised by the imprisonment. Conditions (in this privatised prison) are totally inappropriate for such a vulnerable child. Visitors report a drastic deterioration in her mental and physical health. She is so upset that she is unable to eat (as well as suffering from an eating disorder) and has been given no suitable food[. As a result her weight has dropped 2kg in just two days from an already low 48kg. She speaks of suicide, often retches during visits, is in constant pain and has panic attacks. She is heavily medicated and being held on her own in a hospital wing, deprived of the company of others who might look out for her; she has not been allowed her own clothes or homeopathic medicine; cards sent to her have not been delivered.

Last week, Solicitor General Harriet Harman, launched a European wide crackdown on trafficking claiming to improve protection and saying “. . . it is the trafficked people who are the victims.” Does Ms Kyomugisha’s brutal treatment indicate what “protection” victims can expect? Will the people who pressed for stronger anti-trafficking legislation speak out against how it is being used by the government to criminalise and deport immigrant people and asylum seekers?

Everyone who knows Ms Kyomugisha, from members of the All African Women’s Group of which she has become an active member, church representatives to health professionals, are appalled at the way she has been treated and are rallying support for a bail application on Wednesday 16 February. At the very least she must be released so that she can work closely with Legal Action for Women and her legal team to clear her name against these malicious charges, brought on the basis of “evidence” which has not been scrutinised or verified. We understand that HO policy indicates that charges of failing to produce valid documents when entering the country should not be used against a minor. On this basis alone a proper assessment of her age should have been done, taking into consideration the social services assessment and the prosecution should not have been brought.

As the authorities prioritise implementing repressive immigration controls over women and children’s safety and welfare, this shocking treatment of a vulnerable child makes a travesty of any pronouncements that the authorities are sensitive to rape survivors and that young people claiming asylum or victims of trafficking receive a caring response.

Please help Ms Kyomugisha by:

• Writing and calling Harriet Harman and the Attorney General, Lord Goldsmith, to demand Ms Kyomugisha is immediately released from prison and all charges against her are dropped. Please cite Ms Kyomugisha’s Home Office reference ASC/502B67 and send by email to: harmanh@parliament.uk & lslo@gtnet.gov.uk; fax 0207 271 2430 or post to Attorney General’s Office, Buckingham Gate, 9 Buckingham Gate, London SW1E 6JP. Tel: Harriet Harman 0207-219 2057.


• Supporting her application for bail. Please send letters to BWRAP (bwrap@dircon.co.uk) for forwarding to the court.


• Attending court for her bail hearing – 9.45 Wednesday 16 February, Bromley Magistrates Court, London Road, Bromley, Kent.


• Contacting Bronzefield Prison Governor Janine McDowell, Tel: 01784 425 690; Fax 01784 425 691 urging that Ms Kyomugisha be given healthy food, her own clothes and homeopathic medicine as an urgent priority.

Please contact us if you can help in other ways or need more information.

Black Women’s Rape Action Project, Tel: 020 7482 2496, Fax 020 7209 4761

email: bwrap@dircon.co.uk

Background

In October 2004, Ms Kyomugisha was brought to the Crossroads Women’s Centre where we are based, by a woman who found her distressed and traumatised at a bus station. Over a period of several days, Ms Kyomugisha was able to tell us a little of what happened to her. She was born in 1987 in Rwanda. Both her parents died when she was 11. When she was 15, her relatives sent her to Congo Brazzaville with a man who forced her to have sex with men for money which he kept. She was brought to England by an African man who told the immigration authorities that she was his niece. He kept her locked up somewhere in London and forced her to have sex with several men. She managed to escape from him when he drove her to a house to see one of his clients and left her alone in his car.

We have been counselling and supporting Ms Kyomugisha, including by securing legal representation for her asylum claim and for housing and support. It is clear that she is still a child. She remains traumatised by everything that has happened to her and feels very vulnerable and at risk of possible reprisals from the man who brought her into the country.

The Home Office in Croydon was hostile and unsympathetic from the beginning. On her first visit to claim asylum Ms Kyomugisha was interrogated by security guards who were abusive and began questioning her in detail about her claim before allowing her into the building. She was interviewed in a public place about rape and other sexual violence using a male translator and witnessed vicious questioning of other young girls.

Camden Asylum Seekers Team assessed Ms Ms Kyomugisha and provide housing and support on the basis that she is an unaccompanied minor. Health professionals have also assessed her as being no more than 17 years old. Ms Kyomugisha attends our self-help sessions, and was improving her English as well as learning computer and typing skills.

Have a 'Lynne Truss' at this sign, spotted in Sheffield Station this morning... 

Here Comes the Bride...

Well, it seems that Charles and Camilla are getting married. I worked that out due to the flurry of discussions on radio 4 since I woke up. Including an extended news programme. It all was making this huge presumption that I actually care.

Of the people picked off the street to be asked what they thought, there were several themes. There was

• Argh! How can he betray the memory of Diana?


• Okay, but if he does re-marry he shouldn't be King


• I don't care


• Go for it Charlie

.
With regards to the first one - this bizarre, continual, illogical adoration of Lady Di, my response is a kind of tutting, raising eyes to heaven type thing. As for remarrying but rescinding his place as next in line to the throne - I don't really understand that. I mean, I wish we had no monarchy, and would be very jolly indeed if it was abolished, but seeing as that is not happening, Charles is next to be King, whether divorced, re-married, transvestite, or Boyzone fan. I don't want a king, but as I'll be lumbered with one almost certainly, his marital status doesn't bother me in the least.

With the 'I don't care' lot, I absolutely relate. And those who encourage him - that's fine. He and Camilla have, by all accounts, been together for a long, long time. I'm no huge fan of marriage, but it has nothing to do with me whether they do or not.

One person who was vox popped (?!) said something along the lines of, "I don't care, as long as I don't have to pay for it". I agree. And we will have to anyway.

On the news there has been lots of, 'They're getting married, but Camilla won't be Queen, she'll be Princess such-and-such'. Again, I don't care hugely, but there's an underlying suggestion that Diana should have been Queen because she was beautiful, and Camilla just isn't beautiful enough to play that role.

But the dedication to Diana's memory which is still so strongly felt amongst many, I cannot really get my head round. It's what? 8 years since she died? She was a nice women, somewhat dysfunctional (like the best of us), did lots of good things, and had a ridiculous amount of money. Let it go, now.

Scores, Societies and Support.

I made a Quiz. How Well Do You Know Hippie? and then you check the Scoreboard!

Go see!

On Womans' Hour this morning there was a report on women affected by the Tsunami.

In the coastal area of Lampuuk only 20% of the population survived, and only a fraction of them were women.

There was an interesting discussion, and as happens so often, things I had never thought of came up.

I had imagined in vivid detail the losses of family, homes, jobs, security, friends, which came when the tsunami hit. On this programme the women talked about how they were scared they would lose their local culture too. So many people had died, taking local cultural knowledge and skills with them. And now the few older women still alive there are doing their best to pass on the cultural traditions to the younger survivors, so they don't entirely disappear.

And on a separate, but very important issue, there is a free Women's Aid 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. More on the issue soon, but that info is there for now.

Sunday Funday.

A few days ago I linked to the rather fabulous Numanuma video. Then blatherblog liked it and linked back to me, and then added a link to the original song. Then in the comments section, was posted a link to a Japanese animation version too, called Maiyahi by ikari.

Wow!

It seems to be called Dragostea Din Tei, by O-Zone, by the way.

Incidentally, this is complete madness! (Explanation here.)

The King Asked the Queen

And the queen asked the dairy maid,
'Could we have some butter for the royal slice of bread?'
The queen asked the dairy maid. The dairy maid said,
'Certainly. I'll go and tell the cow now before she goes to bed.'
The dairy maid, she curtsied and went and told the cow,
'Don't forget the butter for the royal slice of bread.'
The cow said sleepily, 'You'd better tell his Majesty
that many people nowadays like marmalade instead.'

The dairy maid said, 'Fancy!' and went to her Majesty.
She curtsied to the queen and she turned a little red.
'Excuse me, your Majesty, for taking of the liberty,
but marmalade is tasty if it's very thickly spread.'
The queen said, 'Oh,' and went to his Majesty.
'Talking of the butter for the royal slice of bread,
many people think that marmalade is nicer.
Would you like to try a little marmalade instead?'

The king said, 'Bother!' Then he said, 'Oh, dear me!'
The king sobbed, 'Oh, dearie me,' and went back to bed.
'Nobody even could call me a fussy man.
I only want a little bit of butter for my bread.'

The queen said, 'There, there' and went to the dairy maid.
The dairy maid said, 'There, there' and went to the shed.
The cow said, 'There, there, I didn't really mean it.
Here's milk for his porridge and butter for his bread.'

The queen took the butter and brought it to his Majesty.
The king said, 'Butter, eh?' and bounced out of bed.
'Nobody,' he said as he kissed her tenderly,
'Nobody,' he said as he slid down the banisters,
'Nobody, my darling, could call me a fussy man.
But I do like a little bit of butter to my bread.'

Sheffield Shtuff.

For a long period, whenever I was on the tram, at a certain stop in town, invariably somebody around me would say, "Isn't this where there used to be the hole in the road?"

This confused me regularly. What on earth kind of hole in the road was so memorable?

Some time later I discovered it looked like this, and I could see why it was indeed memorable enough to be mentioned so regularly. It is also well described here on SheffieldForum.co.uk.

Waitrose gives us 15 Reasons to Visit Sheffield. I added my own list to the ensuing discussion.

I like Sheffield :)

Good, Bad, Indifferent.

Fabulous word of the day - crepuscular.

Fabulous phrase of the day - 'the elephant of illogicality' - heard on the Radio 4 Six O'Clock News.

Crap evil news story of the day is this one.

Big boycott of the day is Boycott Tesco.

Powerful photo of the week is an Iraqi woman's victory sign with a purple finger.

French, Francophile, and Funny.

Oh wow. Not only is Jodie Foster incredibly beautiful, with a
voice that makes your legs give way, but she is also totally fluent in French. Not pretend fluent, or a bit fluent, or pretty good. She is properly fluent. I adore her!

Continuing on the francophile theme, this is the kind of stuff I love learning about. I had a book along these lines, which would give the French / English equivalents to each other's proverbs and sayings. And it is funny and fascinating. Cheers, Petite anglaise.

This (thanks Dooey) is one of the funniest things I have seen for ages. Really. Truly. Go there now. I mean it. Ma-ee-ya hee...

Word Beads: Double; Axon; Sacred; Bike; Doldrum.

From WordBeads.

---

"It was that fourth double whisky", she thought to herself. No use saying it out loud as there was nobody to hear, and it would only hurt her head even more.

Trying to revise for her 3rd year medical exams, learning about nerve fibres, axons, nerve cells... She knew she should understand it, but her brain was barely working this morning.

Flashes from the previous night kept invading her mind. Did she really dance on the table at Sacred? Did she get off with K? And whose was that bike she'd been doing wheelies on by the canal? The canal?? What had she been doing there? Oh shit... She hated mornings like this. Mornings after.

She crawled back into bed. Maybe a few extra hours sleep would lift her out of the doldrums.

Selling Yourself, Selling Products in the 80s, Selling Ferry Tickets, Selling Out.

In the absence of a proper update, here are some things you absolutely have to see.

• You may want to make your CV (resume) stand out from the crowd, but would you go this far?? (et en francais...)


• See all your favourite ads from the 80s and 90s. This page has even more.


• Terribly, terribly sad story.


• Don't trust computers if you want to travel from one Norwegian city to another Norwegian city without going via the U.K., France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Denmark and Sweden. Not to mention traversing the North Sea, the English Channel and the Baltic Sea. [Sigh]


• And finally, I am running my own country.

Inescapable Poverty? Oh, and odd referrers.

People find hippie blog in allsorts of strange ways. And I get to see the search terms people put into search engines and come here that way. Some of them are bizarre, some are disturbing, but I have to say, I like being the 6th result in an MSN Search for just for the laydees. Yey!

I am also ridiculously excited to currently be the top result in a google search for lebstromonous. Yey again!

However I also get a huge number of hits from people searching for welchia_icmp_scan and phonebuyer451 or phonebuyer451@yahoo.com.

In the very early days of hippie, I seemed to be one of the first people in the world to be being attacked by welchia_icmp_scan and I wrote about it here. Now, every bugger and his dog is being attacked by it (and indeed, I am again each time I connect) and they are all searching for it and finding me who actually provides no information about it at all.

I hope I am more helpful to those searching for phonebuyer451 and that if people read what I wrote, they don't fall for yet another phishing scam.

On a totally different subject, I was directed to this page full of information about nutrition and poverty. There is some really interesting information on there...

• The cheapest foods are often the unhealthiest. In terms of calories per penny, chocolate is a better deal than carrots. This results in low income families eating half the fruit and vegetables consumed by higher income families
• Buying healthy foods can cost up 51% more than low-cost, nutritionally poor alternatives
• The lack of shops selling healthier food in poor areas, and the loss of cooking skills, also makes the problem worse
• The cheapest shops to shop in are usually discount stores but the range of food available was narrow and often excluded the healthier options
• A healthy diet appropriate for pregnancy is unaffordable for pregnant women depending on state benefits
• In 1992 all secondary school children lost their entitlement to receive education in cooking and nutrition - this left up to 38% unable to even bake a jacket potato
• The cheapest and freshest foods are generally found in large, out-of-town supermarkets
• Supermarkets are good for those who have the money to buy in bulk, the transport to carry bulk purchases, and the storage space. If a person has limited storage space and no transport, they do not have access to the savings offered by bulk purchase. Therefore those with the less money frequently end up paying most for their food
• The most expensive shops are often the small shops in small communities
• 4 million people in the UK cannot afford to eat a healthy diet

Poverty.org.uk say that

The most commonly used threshold of low income is 60% of median income. In 2002/03, before deducting housing costs, this equated to £194 per week for a couple with no children, £118 for a single person, £283 for a couple with two children and £207 for a lone parent with two children.

I don't know about the couple or parent levels, but the maximum JobSeekers Allowance for single people is £55.65 a week. This is less than half of £118! And it's only over-25s who get that amount. 16 and 17 year olds get £33.50 and 18 to 24 year olds get £44.05. Income Support levels are similar, between £32.50 and £53.95.

All of this also links in with what I said here about the Disability Discrimination Act and proposed changes to Disability Benefits.

Raar.

The Only Alternative to Coexistence is Codestruction - Jawaharlal Nehru.

If you ever used to watch Vic and Bob on Shooting Stars, you may remember ERANU and OOVAVO. Now, ladies and gents, I bring you... UMAMI.

Umami is a fifth taste (along with salty, sweet, sour, bitter), according to the Japanese. It is defined as deliciousness.

On a much more sour-tasting note, it seems that Nick Griffin may be contesting David Blunkett's seat, the Sheffield Brightside constituency, in the next General Election (thought to be happening soon).

I don't want him in my city. Neither do I especially want David Blunkett in my city actually - his own immigration policies have been harsh and racist and cruel. But the leader of the BNP?

In October 1990, The British National Party was described by the European Parliament's committee on racism and xenophobia as an "openly Nazi party... whose leadership have serious criminal convictions". When asked if the BNP was racist, Richard Edmonds, deputy leader of the BNP, said, "We are 100 per cent racist, yes".

The Starbucks Product Recall site has been forced to move.

Kent's very own Section 28 has finally been beaten. And there's a fantastic stencil image in the comments too :)

The hippie and peace images below were created with the help of the marvellous typoGenerator.

Peace 

incurable hippie 

Today I Have Learned

that it is true that cash machines do count up how many times you forget your PIN, even if there is a week between attempt number 2 and attempt number 3.

However, I have also learned that if you do enter your PIN incorrectly three times in a row (regardless, it seems, of how much time passes between these attempts), it doesn't eat your card as threatened in many a legend. Instead it rather politely informs you that you have entered an incorrect PIN three times, and so they will send you out a new number.

So that was a nice surprise.

Google, God, Grim.

Did you know that Jesus is with you always? To be honest, I wasn't too sure, but once I saw the evidence in pencil drawings, I was converted.

Forget the Official God FAQ, the Church of Critical Thinking, and what I have said many times myself (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10), when I saw the pictures of Jesus with a bank teller, or Jesus with a carpet layer, or Jesus with a guitarist, or with a draftsman, or a clown, or any of the other professions He accompanies, well...

Well, ok I wasn't converted. I just thought they were funny, and wanted to share them. It was all just a bit long-winded, for which I now apologise, but it took me so long to do all the code that I'm not going to delete it now.

At the end of every year, the Google Zeitgeist is worth a look. Listing the most popular searches through the year in a variety of categories is both fascinating and scary.

I again have duct tape on my foot in a vain attempt to get rid of the most evil verruca monster the world has ever seen. [Sigh]

Very, very tired.

.

Happy New Year!

After tomorrow's Bank Holiday, the buses, trams and shops worlds should be back to normal. Which is good.

The daily information about the horrific Tsunami events is immensely disturbing. The number of dead has now gone up to volumes which I can get nowhere near to visualising or imagining. I am thankfully not seeing many visual images of the disasters, but I have enough images in my head to make up for that.

The charities need money. There are many charities involved with the effort. You can make a donation here. Or click here for how to help.

Apparently, British peeps have donated £60 million, that is £10 million more than than our government, and more than the public donations of any other nation. That's good, but I just wish it hadn't taken something so utterly awful to get us off our arses.

How To Help.

Maths, Monkeys, Species and Science.

Some time ago, I was thinking about little Change The World type things I could do, without too much energy or effort expenditure. I had heard about SETI@home and really liked the idea that my computer could be doing Important Things while I wasn't using it.

The only thing was, I wasn't especially interested in a Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence.

I tried to find similar things, but as I didn't know the name for this whole genre of programme, I was entirely unsuccessful. All I knew was that you downloaded a screensaver which, when active, performed calculations on your computer, and then sent them back to a base, maybe a research centre, who could use them. The idea being that thousands of computer around the world doing the calculations would get loads more done than just the computers at an individual centre.

So, being intrigued by the idea, and with the lack of any others, I ended up downloading SETI@home.

It was quite intriguing, and at first I frequently left my computer inactive deliberately, so I could see it at work. I knew the funky graphics were almost certainly for my benefit, rather than integral to the work it was doing, but I appreciated them anyway.

Look, my computer's doing science!

But I still couldn't get past the feeling that if my computer was going to be doing Important Science Things, it should really be doing Important Science Things that I cared about. Or was at least interested in.

I spoke to my brother, who informed me that the phenomenon is called distributed computing, and that he was involved with a protein folding project. He said he'd send me a link to a site which had a fairly comprehensive list of different distributed computing projects, so I could choose one from there.

So, when he sent it me, I spent some time browsing the distributed computing active projects information, trying to decide which was the best use of my computer's lazy time. How on earth do you choose between fighting AIDS, and predicting climage change, or between the search for multifactorial primes and the Prime Sierpinski Project?

In the end, I decided to go with Lifemapper.

Participants "compute, map and provide knowledge of" where Earth's species of plants and animals live currently, where they could potentially live, and where and how they could spread across different regions of the world.

I had really liked the sound of the project, and got fairly involved with it, in terms of googling the various animal or plant species which my machine was calculating, and creating a record of names and pictures of each species on a webpage.

I was, thus, gutted when I was informed that the LifeMapper project was ending in January 2005. I had really enjoyed participating in the thing, and would miss learning about new animals!

So, back to the DC Active Projects list.

I eventually decided on find-a-drug. I thought that my screensaver trying to cure cancer, AIDS and malaria had to be a good thing. I downloaded it from the Find-A-Drug site, and it is currently calculating something totally incomprehensible to me, to do with cancer.

Find-A-Drug, like LifeMapper and SETI@home, humours me by doing graphics, described as

Each ball corresponds to an atom and each stick to a chemical bond between two atoms and these are coloured in accordance with the elements. The common colours are: blue for nitrogen, red for oxygen, yellow for sulphur and cyan for carbon.

It also only does the calculations when my computer is idle, and so doesn't slow the machine down when I'm using it.

And I have also set my home page to the Monkey Shakespeare Simulator, the theory behind it being the famous quotation,

"If you have enough monkeys banging randomly on typewriters, they will eventually type the works of William Shakespeare."