Sheffield Cake Weirdness

One of my favourite blogs, when I want a giggle, is Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes go Horribly, Hilariously Wrong. So today, when I spotted these two gems in the same bakery window in Sheffield city centre, I had to sneak a couple of phone pics and share them.

First of all, is a penis cake. It's a cake of some boxer shorts, with a huge penis pointing upwards. Well, I can't think of anything else it could be. The blobby things on top of the penis are buttons, which backs up my theory. As a penis cake, it's very good I suppose. But is this the way to advertise your cake decorating expertise in the window of a shop on a main road?!





Who is Rachel? Did she really want a big penis cake??

Then, I looked down. Right below it, their sole other example of their skill, was a cake with a spelling mistake.

"Happy birthday Mummy Abiola, Elegance PersonifEId"



Perfect completion to the display, I think you'll agree!

If God Had Wanted Me To Be Accepting Of Gays, He Would Have Given Me The Warmth And Compassion To Do So

Gotta love The Onion...

If God Had Wanted Me To Be Accepting Of Gays, He Would Have Given Me The Warmth And Compassion To Do So

I don't question God. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall put none above Him. Which is why I know that if it were part of God's plan for me to stop viciously condemning others based solely on their sexual preference, He would have seen fit—in His infinite wisdom and all—to have given me the tiniest bit of human empathy necessary to do so.

It's a simple matter of logic, really. God made me who I am, and who I am is a cold, anti-gay zealot. Thus, I abhor gay people because God made me that way. Why is that so hard to understand?

Here, let's start with the basic facts: I hate and fear gay people. The way they feel is different from how I feel, and that causes me a lot of confusion and anger. Everyone knows God is all-powerful. He could easily have given me the capacity to investigate what's behind those feelings rather than tell strangers in the park they're going to hell for holding hands. But God clearly has another path for me. And who am I to question His divine will?

Compassion, tolerance, understanding, basic decency, the ability to put myself in another person's position: God could have endowed me with any of those traits and yet—here is the crucial part—He didn't. Why? Because the Creator of the Universe wants me to demonize homosexuals in an effort to strip them of their fundamental human rights.

I'm sorry, but you can't possibly ask me to explain everything God does. He works in mysterious ways, remember?

Try to understand. If I were capable of thinking and acting any other way, then I'm sure I would, but God seems to be quite adamant about this one. He's just not budging at all. So unless our almighty Lord and Savior decides to change His mind about my ability to empathize on even the most basic level—which I find highly unlikely—then everyone is just going to have to accept the fact that I'm going to keep on hating homosexuals. And I know that He will fill me with the strength to remain mindless and hurtful in the face of adversity.

Which isn't to say that my faith hasn't been tested. Believe me, there have been times when I've drifted from the bitter and terrified life God has chosen for me. When my younger brother told me he was gay, it shook my faith to its very core. But here I am, 27 years later, still refusing to take his calls. Just the way God intended.

It's actually pretty astonishing how many complaints to the school board you can make regarding the new band teacher you've never met when you are filled with the Light of Christ and devoid of any real kindness or mercy toward His other children.

At the end of the day, I'm just trying to lead a good Christian life. That means going to church on Sunday, following the Ten Commandments, and fighting what I believe to be a sexual abomination through a series of petty actions and bitter comments made under my breath. Sure, I sometimes wish God would just reach into my heart and give me the ability to treat all people with, at the very least, the decency and respect they deserve as human beings. But unfortunately for that new couple who moved in three houses down, He hasn't yet.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have God's work to do.

Sites I Peruse on Sundays

For your Sunday pleasure:


• Post Secret
  
• Post Secret France
  
• Cake Wrecks - where professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong.
  
• Fail Blog
  
• (The customer is) Not Always Right
  
• LOLTATZ
  
• Hanzi Smatter - dedicated to the misues of Chinese characters in Western culture
  
• Photoshop Disasters
  
• Passive Aggressive Notes
  
• The "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks

Better Than Vista

As a long-suffering user of Bloody Vista, this actually did make me laugh out loud.

Christmas Silliness #13

12 Days of Christmas (Akatsuki Style)

Christmas Silliness #12

12 Days of Christmas, Irish Style, Frank Kelly



Nollaig Shona Duit!

Christmas Silliness #11

The 12 Days of Indian Christmas

Christmas Silliness #10

Foster Brooks - 12 Drunken Days of Christmas

Christmas Silliness #9

The 12 Days After Christmas

Christmas Silliness #8

12 Days of the War on Christmas (Fox Style)

Christmas Silliness #7

The 12.5 Days of Christmas

Christmas Silliness #6

Sir Trevor McDonald!

A t-shirt I designed recently, I'm pleased with it!

It's actually on sale at

Yey!

Christmas Silliness #3

London Gay Men's Chorus: Coming Out at Christmas

Christmas Silliness #2

The 12 Days of Chavmas

It's All True. Mwa ha ha ha ha.

Also, the cat with two faces is ridiculously cute.

How I Spend My Days

Like, seriously. It's true! Oh, without the working bit.

Fundies Say The Darndest Things...

Fundies Say the Darndest Things is a site which is always worth a visit. People post totally bizarre or outrageous things said by Christian fundamentalists, and others can vote and comment on them.

It sounds maybe puerile, but that's until you see the quotes by the fundies... then you realise who is being sensible here and who's not.

Some examples:






I believe that the husband and wife should vote as one: meaning that, after discussing the possible options, both come to a mutual decision and the wife strengthens the husband's vote with hers. I think it's a shame if the wife disregards her husband's opinion and "cancels" his vote by choosing the opposite. And in my opinion, the same is true for adult unmarried daughters - they are under their father's authority until marriage.



But imagine some stranger came knocking on the door of your house and asked if he could move in and live with you. How much would you welcome him? You would certainly see him as "the other," and in many ways he is. He is not part of your family.

The request of gays to be "married" might be similar, even for a tolerant person like myself. The request to be married is a request to move into my "house"--the order of my society that has been traditional for thousands of years.



If those 40 million babies had lived, there wouldn’t be so many jobs for illegals to steal from Americans!



I believe it's in the heart of the earth. I suspect that earthquakes happen because hell is enlarging itself. But's that's my opinion.



In the 7th grade we always said grace before leaving the classroom to go to lunch and the whole class recited the 100th Psalm each morning. You weren't afraid to walk your own neighborhood after dark or even considered closing your windows at night since we had no AC in those days. Lock your car at night? What for? No reason to do that. They're wasn't car hijacking back then either. No one committed suicide either.



But Andrew, I beg to differ. All that science is really BS. If you have a penis, you're body automatically wants to find its way into a vagina, not into another dude's asshole.



God help us. We just voluntarily put an Antichrist in power. Hope you all enjoy socialism which will invariably take even more of your rights away. When you realize that I will say I told you so.



"An Anderson (SC) man who had alleged his father attacked him with a baseball bat "to cast the demons of homosexuality out of him"

Wishful thinking. More fathers should have such courage and take moral responsibility.



He explained that the ham came from a type of black-hoofed Iberico wild pig that wanders around eating acorns, "which turn into delicious fat in its muscle tissue, and also make it really healthy for you." That drew a chuckle from the reporters Obama had brought along. "All I know is it tastes good," said Obama. "That was delicious."]

Obama is a pork eating muslim to throw us off the trail



It is sad to see how mislead some of you people are. Abortions don't turn a profit? Not true! Aborted babies are used in vaccines and the medical establishment is trying to get more women to have abortions because the demand for vaccinations have gone up in recent years!



I accept and agree with equal rights. They already have these though. Every single homosexual is entitled to marry someone of the opposite sex anytime they so choose.



CHRISTIANS I HAVE BAD NEWS

OBAMA WON!
NOW PRAY HARDLY THAN YOU EVER PRAY BEFORE CAUSE ARMAGEDDON IS NEAR THAN EVER BEFORE!



Woman seem to think they are only beautiful when they are undressed as they show their flesh off?

I find it funny. Woman are just our slaves and they will always be. God puts woman to slave them selfs to only one man their mate. Which by the way is suppose to be someone that loves her. The devil slaves her to all the world.

There is, as expected, and as you have seen, much horror at the election of Barack Obama, commonly referred to in these fundie circles as Hussein (his middle name) with references to him being a Muslim (which he is not). I was ever-so-slightly amused by the reference to impending OBAMANATION though, I have to admit.

I don't think the quotes on FSTDT need much commentary, they mainly speak for themselves in their ignorance, prejudice and bile. But if you want comments, click on the links. I won't make any because, rather like Thatcher or Dubya, you can't much parody someone that is already a total parody of themself.



NaBloPoMo

E-mail error ends up on road sign

Embarrassing translation error...

When officials asked for the Welsh translation of a road sign, they thought the reply was what they needed.

Unfortunately, the e-mail response to Swansea council said in Welsh: "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated".

So that was what went up under the English version which barred lorries from a road near a supermarket.

"When they're proofing signs, they should really use someone who speaks Welsh," said journalist Dylan Iorwerth.

Swansea council became lost in translation when it was looking to halt heavy goods vehicles using a road near an Asda store in the Morriston area

All official road signs in Wales are bilingual, so the local authority e-mailed its in-house translation service for the Welsh version of: "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only".

The reply duly came back and officials set the wheels in motion to create the large sign in both languages.

The notice went up and all seemed well - until Welsh speakers began pointing out the embarrassing error.

The sign was lost in translation - and is now missing from the roadside
Welsh-language magazine Golwg was promptly sent photographs of the offending sign by a number of its readers.

Managing editor Mr Iorwerth said: "We've been running a series of these pictures over the past months.

"They're circulating among Welsh speakers because, unfortunately, it's all too common that things are not just badly translated, but are put together by people who have no idea about the language.

"It's good to see people trying to translate, but they should really ask for expert help.

"Everything these days seems to be written first in English and then translated.

"Ideally, they should be written separately in both languages."

A council spokeswoman said : "Our attention was drawn to the mistranslation of a sign at the junction of Clase Road and Pant-y-Blawd Road.

"We took it down as soon as we were made aware of it and a correct sign will be re-instated as soon as possible."

Banks, Bras and Brilliance

Yet more fabulousness from xkcd.com

And those deep question of philosophy and Shakespeare...

In credit crunch news, "A man who chose "Lloyds is pants" as his telephone banking password said he found it had been changed by a member of staff to "no it's not"." read more...

That reminds me of the man who changed his name to Yorkshire Bank PLC are Fascist Bastards, and when the said bank told him to close his account he asked them to write a cheque for his remaining balance (a whopping 69p), payable to his new name.